Author Topic: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday  (Read 6445 times)

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Giggity

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #45 on: September 06, 2010, 04:20:47 PM »
If you made a vuvuzela out of a clue-by-four, it'd be a cluevuzela.
Words mean things.

sparksals

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #46 on: September 06, 2010, 04:33:59 PM »
Ahhhh.... now I understand!! Another ehell word! lol


ChiGirl

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #47 on: September 06, 2010, 10:16:21 PM »
O Not so cool with us and now the kids are starting to show signs of 'gimme me, gimme me' tendencies.  Last year DD tore through gifts and some of them got a passing glance, no thank you, no nothing.  Dh's family thinks its funny, my family is appalled. 


If your MIL complains -- remember the bolded.  You have a responsibility to your kids to do what's best for them, and that outweighs any of her guilt trips.  Stay strong!  Only you can prevent the gimmes!  (And forest fires -- for those who remember Smokey the Bear...)

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #48 on: September 06, 2010, 10:57:52 PM »
Can I just say that I'm really happy you guys decided to do something?  That you see an issue (your feelings on Xmas, your kids' attitudes) and you found a solution, that, even though it's going to be difficult is the right one for you, is a huge, great success both on this board and in life in general! 

I have to just tell you that I am glad that you are willing to withstand the resistance from the in-laws/family for the sake of normalcy for your kids and yourselves.  It's quite refreshing to not only not hear someone complain or make excuses, but to take a well thought-out proactive approach.  Good for you guys! I wish you all the best this coming holiday season. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Nora

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #49 on: September 07, 2010, 05:21:04 AM »


What is a cluvuzela?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vuvuzela

That's Vuvuzela.... the word I don't know starts with a cl, not v. 



It's a pun. Think of it as a clue by 4. Otherwise you can ask Nurv for a demonstration, she's quite adept at the cluvuzela.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

Amava

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #50 on: September 07, 2010, 08:13:30 AM »


What is a cluvuzela?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vuvuzela

That's Vuvuzela.... the word I don't know starts with a cl, not v. 



It's a pun. Think of it as a clue by 4. Otherwise you can ask Nurv for a demonstration, she's quite adept at the cluvuzela.

So, are you supposed to play the cluvuzela loudly next to one's ears, or are you supposed to bop people over the head with it? Or a combination of the both?

yellowpaint

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #51 on: September 11, 2010, 07:02:18 PM »
Maybe you could point out to everyone how much college costs. Donations to the college fund by the grandparents or anyone else would be really appreciated when the kids are 18. Or maybe take things back and put the money in the college funds. One present from the grandparents is sufficient.

TootsNYC

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #52 on: September 21, 2010, 07:36:06 PM »
Sparksals, we actually haven't spent one holiday with my side of the family since DH and I engaged and DH never has.  And my parents live on the other coast and they know we aren't comfortable traveling at holiday times. Even in getting in a phone call to my parents can be tough with the holiday schedules that we are expected to follow lol.

My family is different in that the holidays aren't that big of a deal, come if you can make it, call if you can't -- but have a good day no matter what you do.  They aren't upset about not seeing us at holidays however they do notice the kids attitudes towards gifts lately.  

To be honest, the more this goes on the more it feels like a competition.


Maybe it's time your family "won" that competition.

If only because it gives you an unassailable tool to counter this.


Also, regarding this:

 
O Not so cool with us and now the kids are starting to show signs of 'gimme me, gimme me' tendencies.  Last year DD tore through gifts and some of them got a passing glance, no thank you, no nothing.  Dh's family thinks its funny, my family is appalled. 


If your MIL complains -- remember the bolded.  You have a responsibility to your kids to do what's best for them, and that outweighs any of her guilt trips.  Stay strong!  Only you can prevent the gimmes!  (And forest fires -- for those who remember Smokey the Bear...)

It is still your responsibility to make your children behave properly. You are there, you are stuck, what else do you have to do, except coach her on how to behave, and insist she do it.

I don't have it *quite* as bad as you, but I have some of the same problems w/ how Xmas goes at my in-laws. And so I don't open my presents right away, and I supervise my children's gift-opening behavior quite closely.

And I have started talking w/ my children about the meaning of gifts, and how to act, and why gifts are important.
I feel confident, from their spontaneous conversations and comments, that they've gotten *my* take on how gifts ought to work. You *can* insist that your child follow your standards for gracious behavior.


(It's also OK if your kid is a little less grateful than you might like, when the gifts are so plentiful. It's actually appropriate to the scale. It took me a LONG time to be OK with that. As long as they're not UNgrateful, it's OK if my kids are mildly pleased and express their thanks a tad perfunctorily. And as long as I see them truly appreciate the truly generous or truly thoughtful presents.)

sparksals

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #53 on: September 22, 2010, 12:27:21 PM »
Any update on this?

bah12

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #54 on: September 22, 2010, 04:33:21 PM »
40 gifts per person and 8 hours to open them?  That's crazy!!

When my family started getting really big, my sister made a suggestion that the adults draw names and just buy gift(s) for one person (We still get something for all the kids).  It's now a very fun part of our tradition that after opening gifts, we draw for the following year.  Also, it allows us to buy more meaningful gifts because we're not spending a small fortune getting something for everyone.  The holiday is less stressful as a result and we have the opportunity to watch each other open the presents.

It does seem like this is more a control issue for your MIL.  I say that if she doesn't relent on this gift thing, then you and your DH take a stand together and say that you are starting your own family traditions and can only spend a couple of hours with them...for a meal, not the gift opening.

Bottom line, like others have said, you have a responsibility to your children.  I really hope your DH can back you up on this.

gramma dishes

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #55 on: September 22, 2010, 04:56:58 PM »
I really hope your DH can back you up on this.

I really hope your DH is the one who ADDRESSES this!  Then you can back him up.

mj

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #56 on: September 23, 2010, 11:28:31 AM »
Any update on this?

A little one.  MIL went out of town suddenly so that DH has not been able to talk to her about opting out this year.  I gather he does not want to do it over the phone.  He read this thread (BIG thank you to everyone!) and we talked over a few days and he decided he's just going to do it, no more of the extravaganza's, the multiple house hopping on Xmas day (we are staying home!  the whole day!) no 8 hour gift openings, and going back for more and more.  It's DONE!  And DH will handle it.  I can't tell you the relief I've felt this year. 

DH has gotten some of his siblings on board with a gift exchange.  From what DH says, the siblings who have agreed to the exchange have all said they like getting everyone gifts but their spouse (the in law) has been pushing for a gift exchange for years!  DH thinks there will only be one hold out from the gift exchange but the plan is to ignore.  As of now, DH hasn't spoken to this sibling. 


sparksals

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Re: S/O Family Gifts....Taking over the holiday
« Reply #57 on: September 23, 2010, 01:32:06 PM »
Good start!  Don't forget to let us know what happens after DH has the talk with MIL!