making assumptions about family relationsships

[judecat]

I don't think most people are being judgemental at all, I don't bother to get offended.  Maybe because I grew up with everyone naturally assuming the my mom was my grandmother and my brother and sister in law were my parents.  Natural assumption as I'm 20 years younger than my brother,  2 years older than his daughter,  and actually several years younger than on of my step nephews.

Sometimes assuming someone is a child's parent is based on behaviors -- I'm 12 years older than my best and oldest friend - I babysat her when she was an infant and toddler,  and when she had a stroke at age 5,  I was a nurses aid at that hospital,  and her mother's helper at home.  So in public it's obvious that I'm her 'caregiver',  but not a payed one if you know what I mean.  Her daughter is 14,  and yes I am old enough to be grandmother to a 14 year old.  So with 14year old calling her mom,  and the older lady taking care of her,  I'm not going to get bent out of shape if someone asks the teen about her grandmother.

[Jenny13]

This used to happen all the time with my brother and I (he's 10 years younger than me). We just politely laughed it off when correcting someone.

[immadz]

A while back I had a girl come up to me at a party and ask if my brothers GF (then 29) was my daughter.  I was 25 at the time.

Needless to say, it was not a well received comment. 

When my sister was 10, I was 15. Someone asked me if she was my daughter. Again, not amused.

[Bluenomi]

My (half)sisters are 10, 12 and 18 years younger than me. The older 2 used to think it was great fun to get the youngest to call me Mum when I took them out when she was a toddler  Thankfully we were in the UK at the time and in the part of the country we were in people thought I was the Au Pair not a teen mother.

I've had some interesting looks when out with my Dad. He was young when I was born and since he has aged well if step mum isn't around people sometimes assume I'm his wife and youngest sister is our daughter. I don't mind too much if it's just a misunderstanding but to get annoyed if they make rude comments

[laud_shy_girl]

I think in any situation unless there is a very good reason to know 'like at a doctors' you shouldn't ask.

At a family wedding, I was asked if i was my SIL mum. she was 22 and it was my 27 birthday at the time. There was no reason for her to ask. on the same day I had a young child ask if I  had a baby in my belly, I was not pregnant  it was not a good birthday.  the child I could forgive but the woman... we don't even look alike.

[Micah]

There is a big gap between me and my other two siblings. When I was sixteen my brother was four. I used to love taking him places and spoiling him (He won't let me do it anymore, he's gone all teenagerish). I used to get a great deal of looks, people whispering to each other in shops and yes some extremely nasty comments. I'll never forget the woman who bailed me up (in a toy store!) and told me it was such a shame that I'd ruined both our lives by having him so young and that she guessed I wasn't even with the father now. If the same thing happened now I know exactly what I'd say and do. At the time I was painfully shy and suffered from severe depression. Taking my little bro places was one of the few things I got any enjoyment out of.

[BeagleMommy]

My mother looks young for her age (she's 67).  When DS was about 5 she took him to the local mall for a haircut.  He was a bit fidgety and the snarky stylist snapped at him "Be good or Mommy will be mad at you".  Mom said "Actually, I'm his grandma".  Stylist rolled her eyes and said "oh, that explains it".

She should have been frozen solid after the look Mom gave her.  Mom complained to the manager and we found out the stylist was fired because she'd been rude to other child customers before.  Go figure.

[Emmi]

When I was a baby, my cousin, Sandy, was 15 and we looked a lot alike because after all we were related.  My mom took my siblings and my cousin to the zoo and Sandy was holding me.  An older woman walked up to her and told her that she had a beautiful baby and then turns to my mother and says to her wouldn't you want a baby like that.  And the older woman didn't believe my mom when she said that I actually was her baby. 

I still hear that story and we still joke about me being Sandy's baby.  Though I don't think she liked that someone thought she was a teen mom. 

[VorFemme]

VorSon is not quite ten years younger than Ambrosia Hino - but as a teenager, she took after her mother (being tall and "developed") and was constantly being taken for someone three or four or five years older than she really was.........

She turned ten when he was four months old - she was NOT old enough to be his mother.  

I was 36 and old enough to be his mother - in fact, if it hadn't been for birth control pills, we *might* have been parents long enough that he could have been our grandson instead of our son.  VorGuy was 40 and we had our 21st anniversary some three weeks after his birth.

But some people can't tell the ages of other people without a birthday cake in front of them so that they can count the candles..........or read the numerals if the cake has a 3 & a 5 on it instead of 35 little candles.  Just roll your eyes and remember that they might need to take off their shoes & socks to count up to 20.

[MizB]

I have all kinds of stories like this one. My sister is not quite 9 years older than I am and we have gotten every thing from being called identical twins to mother and daughter. I was 17 when my niece was born and am a very involved Auntie. I was feeding her one day in the mall with my mom and sister there and two older women started saying rude things about teen mothers. My sister piped up and told them I was the aunt.

I have a friend who could possibly end up being a grandma at age 26 or 27. There are plenty of moments for interesting assumptions there.

I have learned to do your best not to assume and if you think you must never in a negative way only curious.

[Brentwood]

I'm flashing back to five years ago when my dad was complimented about his hot young wife by his high school classmate.  Before my dad could explode, I calmly corrected the friend by explaining that I am the second oldest of his classmates' children as Dad and his lovely wife (who was laughing her head off on my other side) were married when he was 20 and I was born two years later.

The best part of this exchange?  It was at a funeral for another classmate's father.

My dad has four daughters, and on at least two occasions I can think of (one with my sister, one with me), people mistakenly assumed Dad was running around on my mother with "young stuff."

[Nora]

I have a friend who could possibly end up being a grandma at age 26 or 27.

HOW?!

[LovesWater]

By marriage, I would think.

[Jan74]

Two early in your teens pregnancies = grandma at 27, even if by blood, not by marriage. Feasible.

I know a friend who was a grandma at 32. She had her son at 12. He waited a little longer, by being a father at 20. But had he been as young as she was, 26 would work.

[Brentwood]

I have a friend who could possibly end up being a grandma at age 26 or 27.

HOW?!

Country singer Loretta Lynn was a grandmother at age 29.