making assumptions about family relationsships

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

 Being adopted, I look nothing like my Dad (though Mom and I have similar coloring).  Dad and I are as close as a father & daughter can be and have similar interests and tastes.  We often will have a father-daughter evening out at the movies and dinner afterwards - usually watching a comedy, historical drama, art film, romance, etc.  Basically, "date movies" that my husband isn't interested in.  Even though it's obvious he's a good 20+ years older than me, we are sometims mistaken for being a couple.  It doesn't help that I kept my maiden name (I hyphenated), so we're sometimes also mistaken for being married to each other.

Luckily, since we're both highly involved in local causes and my Dad's very well known in those circles, it's also known that he was very excited that his daughter moved home 2 years ago with her husband (then fiance) and has gotten involved in those causes too.  So he did a good job of pre-establishing the other "Jeeby" as "Ken Jeeby Jr" or "Baby Jeeby".

[Flora Louise]

What is the length of a generation? 18 yrs? 21 yrs? Anyone know?

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

What is the length of a generation? 18 yrs? 21 yrs? Anyone know?

Per wikipedia, it used to be about 16 years (due to women having children at younger ages than now).  As of 2004, it is 25.2 years in the US and 27.4 years in the United Kingdom.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation

So it really depends on the period in history being discussed.

[inna.minnit]

At my job, I've learned never to make assumptions.  When an adult brings a child to see the Dr. I ask what their relationship is, if I haven't been told already.  My next question is usually "do you have legal authority to give permission for treatment?"  very few people are offended by either question. 

When dealing with adults I ask what the relationship to the patient is.

[Larrabee]

At my job, I've learned never to make assumptions.  When an adult brings a child to see the Dr. I ask what their relationship is, if I haven't been told already.  My next question is usually "do you have legal authority to give permission for treatment?"  very few people are offended by either question. 

When dealing with adults I ask what the relationship to the patient is.

Me too, but I've been surprised by how many times the answer is "I'm her mother!" "I'm his wife, thank you" with an offended look.

[Redsoil]

When staying with relatives for a weekend, I'd take my little cousin (aged 3) to the park, or down to the shops for an icecream.  I thought it was extremely funny when an older lady made mention of "my daughter".  I was 13, and looked it!  I did correct her, and she just changed the conversation, saying how nice it was that I was looking after my little cousin.

It is sometimes useful at work to try and clarify the relationship status of anyone accompanying the patient, simply for future reference in conversation.  Very awkward if one gets it wrong.  There is an actual necessity to do so in the case of a child presenting for treatment - we need consent of a legal guardian.  We do get quite a lot of families coming in, which is why clarification of relationship status is handy - they will sometimes make appointments for each other, often assuming we know who the "mum", "sister" "husband" or "Grandma" is!

[Spoder]

When staying with relatives for a weekend, I'd take my little cousin (aged 3) to the park, or down to the shops for an icecream.  I thought it was extremely funny when an older lady made mention of "my daughter".  I was 13, and looked it!  I did correct her, and she just changed the conversation, saying how nice it was that I was looking after my little cousin.

I used to get that with the two kids I babysat when I was a uni student. Twice a week I'd pick them up after school and take them to the pool, gym, or whatever. I was watching their gym class one day when I noticed one of the waiting mothers giving me sideways looks. Eventually I looked up from my book, and she caught my eye and said (super-snottily), 'So where do your little ones go to school?'

Umm, the oldest 'little one' is 7, and I'm 18!  (And looked 20 at the absolute most).

(She defrosted remarkably once I told her I was just the babysitter - she obviously had her teen-mother judgy-pants on. But by then I'd lost interest.  )

[bekkhild]

I can think of a few incidents where this occurred:

When I was 21 and my older sister and went shopping at the local mall. One store was going out of business and I wanted to buy something in it, but they only accepted cash or credit cards, and I didn't have a cc or have enough cash on me, just cheques. My sister piped up and said that she would buy it on her cc and I could write her a cheque. The sales clerk said, "That is so nice of your mom to buy that for you." My sister was mortified-she was only 24 at the time.

When DS2 was born, my SD was 19-old enough to be his mother. We were at the grocery store one day, when DS2 was about 2 months old and still in his infant carrier. SD was playing with him while I wandered several feet away to look at something. AN elderly woman came up to her and said, "It's so nice when babies smile at their mamas." SD just smiled at her and nodded, not bothering to correct her.

My niece was always was assumed to be my child, even when we were in public with her mother, my SIL. (My niece and I looked alike, even our baby pictures were very similar) My niece and I had blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin, while SIL had brown hair, green eyes, and olive skin. It drove my SIL insane that people didn't think niece was her child. If it was a stranger, I didn't bother to correct them.

DH was always assumed to be his brother's father. DH is 16 years older than his brother (yes they have the same parents).

[exitzero]

There is a big gap between me and my other two siblings. When I was sixteen my brother was four. I used to love taking him places and spoiling him (He won't let me do it anymore, he's gone all teenagerish). I used to get a great deal of looks, people whispering to each other in shops and yes some extremely nasty comments. I'll never forget the woman who bailed me up (in a toy store!) and told me it was such a shame that I'd ruined both our lives by having him so young and that she guessed I wasn't even with the father now. If the same thing happened now I know exactly what I'd say and do. At the time I was painfully shy and suffered from severe depression. Taking my little bro places was one of the few things I got any enjoyment out of.

This same thing happened to my sister. She's thirteen years older than me, I was born in the early sixties. People would make snide comments or give her dirty looks all the time.

On a lighter note, my boyfriend is eleven years older than me, and someone once mistook him for my father. I found that MUCH funnier than he did.

Another time I had a picture of me and my favorite singer. My new boss thought he was my son. He's 5 years older than me.

[Xallanthia]

My niece was always was assumed to be my child, even when we were in public with her mother, my SIL. (My niece and I looked alike, even our baby pictures were very similar) My niece and I had blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin, while SIL had brown hair, green eyes, and olive skin. It drove my SIL insane that people didn't think niece was her child. If it was a stranger, I didn't bother to correct them.

This is always so crazy... a few years ago I was lucky enough to visit my relatives in Italy, and my siblings and I got to meet our third (or is it fourth?  can't remember) cousin, who's a year younger than me.  We took a picture with the four of us.

When we got the picture back, we noticed something uncanny: my distant cousin and I look more alike than I look like either my brother OR my sister.

[hobish]

For those of you who have had your brother mistaken for boyfriend, i give you this. Apparently more than a few people have assumed that my sister and I are a couple. We both think it is pretty funny.

[SamiHami]

My dad & I worked for the same company when I was ages 19-24.  Our office was very close to home so we always went home for lunch, and of course we rode together.  So while we didn't actually work in the same office, or even on the same floor, we always arrived and left together.

One day, some woman that I had seen around, but didn't actually know, stopped and scolded me for dating a man so much older than me!  I wish I'd known enough then to brush her off with "what an interesting assumption." But, this was before ehell, so I just told her that he was my dad, not my boyfriend!  She was quite embarraased, as well she should have been!

[Spoder]

Ooooh, I just thought of an awful one that I heard years ago.

A friend was shopping in a big department store with her two young children (toddler and baby). While she was ringing her purchases up, the sales assistant leaned down to the stroller and said, 'Oh, aren't you lucky, having a special day out with nanna!'.

 

Yeah, Friend (who was already exhausted/run down/feeling unattractive, etc) pasted on a smile and politely corrected the shop assistant, who was suitably mortified. Then Friend went to the ladies' room and bawled her eyes out in the stall, she felt so bad. 

(Friend is in her late thirties, by the way, and looks it - to me, anyway).

[HeebyJeebyLeebee]

I'm another one with a big age gaps between my sisters and me.  I'm 11 years younger than my older sister (adoptive family) and 15 and 17 years older than my younger sisters (Bio-Pop's other girls).  My elder sister HATED being mistaked for my mother (though she tries to run my life as much as Mom does).  Having seen that, I have a much more relaxed and graciosu reaction to being mistaken for my younger sisters' mother. 

[Larrabee]

The sibling age gap to beat them all...

My SIL has a brother 27 years younger than her, a few years younger than her own son!  I can only imagine the assumptions people will make in years to come.