making assumptions about family relationsships

[kherbert05]

When I was at the museum, I would tell the kids to "ask the grown up you are with". It solved a lot of the problems about if someone was mom or grandmom or babysitter.




Growing up my parents had to ask relatives to stop comparing us to family members. I strongly resemble my Dad. Sis takes after Mom. The opposite sides of the family couldn't see the resemblances because they only knew the other spouse as an adult. The comparisons were making us feel rejected, because they always see another relative in every other cousin. Deal was they knew both sides of our cousins family back 3 - 5 generations, because our parents were from small communities and the siblings married into families that were friends from generations back.


Sis and i were often lectured about being teenaged parents, while looking after younger cousins. More about the attitude than the looks there though.

[Bluenomi]

It's interesting how many young women seem to get mistaken for their fathers' girlfriends, as opposed to sons being mistaken for their mothers' boyfriends.

This assumption almost got my Dad into trouble once. We were taking a family holiday but needed 2 cars. We were leaving the UK and were at French Immigration at the Chunnel. Dad and one sister (who was about 11 at the time) were in the front car and Mum, grandma, 2 other sisters and I were in the next car. The immigration guy almost called the cops on Dad thinking he was in a relationship with an underaged girl! Never mind they look a heck of a lot a like and had the same surname on their passports!

It wasn't until Dad explained his wife and rest of his family were in the next car and they checked with Mum did they let him through!

[Mopsy428]

It's interesting how many young women seem to get mistaken for their fathers' girlfriends, as opposed to sons being mistaken for their mothers' boyfriends.

This assumption almost got my Dad into trouble once. We were taking a family holiday but needed 2 cars. We were leaving the UK and were at French Immigration at the Chunnel. Dad and one sister (who was about 11 at the time) were in the front car and Mum, grandma, 2 other sisters and I were in the next car. The immigration guy almost called the cops on Dad thinking he was in a relationship with an underaged girl! Never mind they look a heck of a lot a like and had the same surname on their passports!

It wasn't until Dad explained his wife and rest of his family were in the next car and they checked with Mum did they let him through!

That's really bizarre. Even if it was just Dad and daughter, is he not allowed to take his daughter on vacation by himself? Wow!

[Gwywnnydd]

It's interesting how many young women seem to get mistaken for their fathers' girlfriends, as opposed to sons being mistaken for their mothers' boyfriends.

This assumption almost got my Dad into trouble once. We were taking a family holiday but needed 2 cars. We were leaving the UK and were at French Immigration at the Chunnel. Dad and one sister (who was about 11 at the time) were in the front car and Mum, grandma, 2 other sisters and I were in the next car. The immigration guy almost called the cops on Dad thinking he was in a relationship with an underaged girl! Never mind they look a heck of a lot a like and had the same surname on their passports!

It wasn't until Dad explained his wife and rest of his family were in the next car and they checked with Mum did they let him through!

That's really bizarre. Even if it was just Dad and daughter, is he not allowed to take his daughter on vacation by himself? Wow!

Well, if the girl's mother is not approving of it, then No, he's not. Policies like that are meant to address situations where one parent takes the child Without the other parent's consent, interfering with a custody order. There were several high- profile cases where one parent kidnapped a child to another country to avoid losing custody. Border agents have been on the lookout for something like that for at least 15 years...

[Mopsy428]

It's interesting how many young women seem to get mistaken for their fathers' girlfriends, as opposed to sons being mistaken for their mothers' boyfriends.

This assumption almost got my Dad into trouble once. We were taking a family holiday but needed 2 cars. We were leaving the UK and were at French Immigration at the Chunnel. Dad and one sister (who was about 11 at the time) were in the front car and Mum, grandma, 2 other sisters and I were in the next car. The immigration guy almost called the cops on Dad thinking he was in a relationship with an underaged girl! Never mind they look a heck of a lot a like and had the same surname on their passports!

It wasn't until Dad explained his wife and rest of his family were in the next car and they checked with Mum did they let him through!

That's really bizarre. Even if it was just Dad and daughter, is he not allowed to take his daughter on vacation by himself? Wow!

Well, if the girl's mother is not approving of it, then No, he's not. Policies like that are meant to address situations where one parent takes the child Without the other parent's consent, interfering with a custody order. There were several high- profile cases where one parent kidnapped a child to another country to avoid losing custody. Border agents have been on the lookout for something like that for at least 15 years...

Obviously if the father is doing that, he's committing a crime. However, that wasn't the border agent's concern. The border agent was concerned the father was having a rel@tionship with an under-aged girl, not that the father was violating a custody order or kidnapping a child. The agent's assumption is a bizarre thing to assume simply only seeing a man with a young girl without anything more.

[Asharah]

It's interesting how many young women seem to get mistaken for their fathers' girlfriends, as opposed to sons being mistaken for their mothers' boyfriends.

This assumption almost got my Dad into trouble once. We were taking a family holiday but needed 2 cars. We were leaving the UK and were at French Immigration at the Chunnel. Dad and one sister (who was about 11 at the time) were in the front car and Mum, grandma, 2 other sisters and I were in the next car. The immigration guy almost called the cops on Dad thinking he was in a relationship with an underaged girl! Never mind they look a heck of a lot a like and had the same surname on their passports!

It wasn't until Dad explained his wife and rest of his family were in the next car and they checked with Mum did they let him through!

That's really bizarre. Even if it was just Dad and daughter, is he not allowed to take his daughter on vacation by himself? Wow!

Well, if the girl's mother is not approving of it, then No, he's not. Policies like that are meant to address situations where one parent takes the child Without the other parent's consent, interfering with a custody order. There were several high- profile cases where one parent kidnapped a child to another country to avoid losing custody. Border agents have been on the lookout for something like that for at least 15 years...

Obviously if the father is doing that, he's committing a crime. However, that wasn't the border agent's concern. The border agent was concerned the father was having a rel@tionship with an under-aged girl, not that the father was violating a custody order or kidnapping a child. The agent's assumption is a bizarre thing to assume simply only seeing a man with a young girl without anything more.

A poster on another BB I frequent had quite an experience crossing the Canadian border with his two young children. He often visited Canada with the children without his wife coming along, but this was the only time they crossed at Quebec. He had all the proper documentation, but the officials apparently decided their was something wrong about a father traveling with his kids without Mom along. They separated the three of them and tried interrogating the kids about why their mother wasn't there. Son wouldn't say anything because he doesn't talk to strangers. Daughter on the other hand...they had a woman questioning her who only spoke French.  Daughter didn't understand French, didn't realize it was a foreign language, she thought the woman was "baby-talking" her, which she doesn't like, and started yelling "What's wrong with you? Why don't you talk right?" Finally they get someone in with her who speaks English. He asks where her father is. Daughter marches out of room, points to Dad and says "He's right here! Are you stupid?"    When they're finally released, Dad explains to kids within earshot of officials, "Some people just don't think Dads should spend time with their children."

[kherbert05]

The Dad's crossing the border with kids made me laugh in a sad way.


In 1976 a bunch of Mom's relatives were going to be on PEI, ones mom had not seen in years, and the rest of us had never seen. Mom wanted to stay and extended period of time.  Thing was Miller was doing a bunch of specials that summer with the both the bicentennial  and the  Montreal Olympics, so Dad couldn't take off as long as normal. 

 Mom was a Canadian citizen. After a bad traveling experience with her boss's kids that included being detained for kidnapping across a boarder, Mom didn't want to travel alone with us. So Dad's Mom went with us. We traveled up together with Dad. Then Dad went home. We traveled back with Mom and Mimi. No-one was accused of kidnapping this time - we were accused of smuggling Levies. Apparently it was common to smuggle Levies in 2 sizes only, in groups of 5  - 8 pairs of jeans, 2 jean jackets - all embroidered with the same 2 names </sarcasm> I come by that sarcasm naturally - because that is the tone Mimi took with the US customs guy after pointing out the difference in temperature on PEI and in Houston during August.  His supervisor was not happy with him.

[Coley]

I have had situations where people assumed my husband was my father. While I was flattered, he certainly wasn't. 

This happens to DH and me with some frequency. To be fair to those who make the assumption, DH has salt-and-pepper gray hair, and he's 13 years older than I am. I'm told I look younger than my age. Usually, the people who make the assumption are more embarrassed than we are when we tell them that I'm DH's wife. I tend to think that our matching wedding bands are an observable sign of our rel@tionship, but maybe that's an interesting assumption on my part. 

We experienced an interesting assumption from a restaurant cashier once. DS was with DH and me, and the cashier assumed that DS, who was 10 at the time, was our grandchild. She asked DS, "Did you have a good lunch with your grandparents?" My best guess is that she was basing her assumption on DH's appearance. DH is DS's stepdad. And while it is possible that I am old enough to be DS's grandmother, I wasn't amused by the assumption.

Oh ... I thought of another one. I'm Facebook friends with one of my dad's cousins. My dad died 7 years ago. DH and I were married almost 4 years ago. The cousin commented on some of our wedding pictures that are posted on Facebook. He congratulated us in one comment on a photo, and then he asked if the man in another photo was my dad. The photo was of DH and me lighting our unity candle. Beyond the fact that DH and my dad wore glasses, they bear no resemblance to each other, not to mention the fact that my dad's presence at the wedding would have been a miracle. I didn't reply to the question. Fortunately, the cousin deleted his comment.

[RebeccainGA]

With 25+ years between the ages of me and DP, and with all the caregiving that I've had to do of late for DP thanks to the cancer, I get a lot of  'are you the daughter? Are you a nurse?". It was even funnier when DP was in the hospital - I made sure everyone knew she had a wife AND a daughter, but that her daughter was in the Air National Guard and wasn't likely to be there. I still had to identify myself as 'the wife' to every single new nurse. They just couldn't wrap their heads around me being not the daughter!

[nuit93]

I have a few to share

-I have cousins who are mixed-race.  People sometimes wouldn't believe us when we said we were related.

-When I got my driver's license, my youngest sister was in elementary school.  Often it was my job to pick her up after school.  I got a few dirty looks from people that I didn't quite understand--it wasn't until later I thought they must have assumed I was a teen mom.

-When my SO was in the hospital, people assumed we were married (we're not, but it's easier to let them believe that).  Thing is...we're also p*o*l*y.  At one point, I and one of his other girlfriends were sitting on the bed with him.  The nurse was changing shifts and told the incoming nurse "well, that's his wife (gesturing to me)...and we're not sure who that is (gesturing to the g/f).  We had many a giggle over that.

-At the funeral of one of my uncles, I got mistaken for my aunt's *sister*.  Never mind that the youngest aunt was still a good 17 years my senior.  Admittedly I was a bit tired and had been having a rough day.  I wanted to say, "no, I'm the daughter of one of her YOUNGER sisters" but that would have felt rude.

[MariaE]

I have on more than one occasion had people tell me how much I look like my mother, and that it's so obvious that we're related... Only, what they're really pointing at is a photo of my aunt who isn't even my aunt by blood, but by marriage. We share no DNA whatsoever.

... That said, I could do a lot worse than to look like her

[Nora]

When my BF, Bob, was a child, his parents took him and his brother on a vacation to England. They took the ferry/boat to Newcastle, and upon arrival Bobs mom took him and his brother and walked off while their dad got the car and drove. They where supposed to meet on shore.

Naturally Mom and two boys (11 and 7) where asked for their passports, at which point mom (who is terrible at English, and get's really nervous very fast) realized that her husband had walked off with all of the passports. Bobs mom also looks a LOT younger than her age, always has, and had Bob when she was 17, so trust me when I say she looked way to young to have two kids aged 11 and 7. This combined with her non-existing English skills, profuse stammering, and sweaty panicked look made the authorities suspect she was a babysitter who'd kidnapped the two boys. They where about to separate them and call the police, when dad waltzes in wondering what the holdup was...

Poor Bobs mom, she never got over the embarrassment of almost being arrested for kidnapping her own kids. She blushes fiercely red when talking about it 20-something years later.

[KenveeB]

My best friend and I had daughters 2 days apart. When our gilrs were about a year old, we went on a shopping trip for which I used my twin stroller.

About 20 gazillion  people asked me if the girls are twins. The kicker? One daughter is white, the other is not  Initially I said "no, this one (pointing at DD) is mine and this one (pointing at friend) is my friend's". Later is was entertaining to exclaim "yes!" and watch the confusion dawn on the very person who asked the question.

My coworker is Caucasian, his wife is Mexican. They have twin boys -- one blond-haired, blue eyed Caucasian-looking boy, and one dark-haired, dark-eyed Hispanic-looking boy.  It's amazing how genes work out sometimes.

[kherbert05]

My best friend and I had daughters 2 days apart. When our gilrs were about a year old, we went on a shopping trip for which I used my twin stroller.

About 20 gazillion  people asked me if the girls are twins. The kicker? One daughter is white, the other is not  Initially I said "no, this one (pointing at DD) is mine and this one (pointing at friend) is my friend's". Later is was entertaining to exclaim "yes!" and watch the confusion dawn on the very person who asked the question.

My coworker is Caucasian, his wife is Mexican. They have twin boys -- one blond-haired, blue eyed Caucasian-looking boy, and one dark-haired, dark-eyed Hispanic-looking boy.  It's amazing how genes work out sometimes.

There is also this family from England. They had 2 sets of 2 fraternal twins. In both cases one child has more Caucasian coloring and features, and the other more African coloring and features. In other words one takes after Mom and the other takes after Dad.


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2082429/Mixed-race-couple-Dean-Durrant-and-Alison-Spooner-celebrate-after-having-a-second-set-of-black-and-white-twins.html

[Jones]

My SIL is a different race from me/DH/my kids. She is also about 10 years younger than DH, and looks even younger than she is. Somehow, she's been mistaken as the children's parents by multiple people; fortunately, she hasn't gotten the teenage mother lecture, although DH gets dirty looks when they are out together with the kids, and one older woman asked SIL how she had SUCH a LARGE baby with her petite frame.

People shock me. Probably should get used to them though.