Author Topic: "Let me know what I can bring!"  (Read 7904 times)

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twinkletoes

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #30 on: June 19, 2007, 09:31:49 AM »
One more thing, and I don't think this has been brought up - the host/ess has already taken into account "there will be quite a few vegetarians here" or "Susie is allergic to nuts" or "the kids hate peppers" and has planned the meal accordingly.  Showing up with unsolicited chicken salad with almonds and peppers will tick off a lot of people.

hlietch

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #31 on: June 19, 2007, 08:29:02 PM »
Good heavens! What kind of ill-raised person shows up to a party without something to present to the host or hostess??? I agree that it is polite to ask what the host or hostess needs, and equally polite to say, "Oh, you don't have to bring anything." It's like when someone says, "I really appreciate this," and you say, "Think nothing of it," no matter how enormous the favor was. The idea is to present ourselves as civilized human beings with the ability to be hospitable no matter what.
People should know that it is awfully gauche to show up to a party or dinner without bringing a bottle of wine, some flowers, some type of baked good, etc. The main courses and accompanying dishes would be provided by the host or hostess, of course, and an invited guest shows his or her appreciation for hospitality with a little something extra.

Lisbeth

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #32 on: June 19, 2007, 10:47:59 PM »
Good heavens! What kind of ill-raised person shows up to a party without something to present to the host or hostess??? I agree that it is polite to ask what the host or hostess needs, and equally polite to say, "Oh, you don't have to bring anything." It's like when someone says, "I really appreciate this," and you say, "Think nothing of it," no matter how enormous the favor was. The idea is to present ourselves as civilized human beings with the ability to be hospitable no matter what.
People should know that it is awfully gauche to show up to a party or dinner without bringing a bottle of wine, some flowers, some type of baked good, etc. The main courses and accompanying dishes would be provided by the host or hostess, of course, and an invited guest shows his or her appreciation for hospitality with a little something extra.

I disagree.  It is not "awfully gauche" to show up to a party or dinner without bringing something if the host/ess has indicated that it is not necessary.  To accuse a guest who chooses to follow the host/ess's guideline of being "ill-mannered" is to be ill-mannered.  So I'd stay away from there.

It would be more appropriate for an invited guest to show his or her appreciation for hospitality in such a situation by:
1) Thanking the host/ess
2) Reciprocating by hosting the host/ess at their home or a dinner.
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Brentwood

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #33 on: June 19, 2007, 11:41:55 PM »
Good heavens! What kind of ill-raised person shows up to a party without something to present to the host or hostess??? I agree that it is polite to ask what the host or hostess needs, and equally polite to say, "Oh, you don't have to bring anything." It's like when someone says, "I really appreciate this," and you say, "Think nothing of it," no matter how enormous the favor was. The idea is to present ourselves as civilized human beings with the ability to be hospitable no matter what.
People should know that it is awfully gauche to show up to a party or dinner without bringing a bottle of wine, some flowers, some type of baked good, etc. The main courses and accompanying dishes would be provided by the host or hostess, of course, and an invited guest shows his or her appreciation for hospitality with a little something extra.

It's not gauche to come empty-handed. A hostess gift is a nicety, not a requirement. (And if you are bringing "something extra" and expecting it to be served, THAT is what is gauche!)

Guests show their appreciation for hospitality with sincere thanks and reciprocal hospitality.


hlietch

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #34 on: June 20, 2007, 02:28:33 PM »
My apologies. Again, I was under the impression the being nice was a requirement in polite society. Bless my poor little heart.

DottyG

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2007, 02:34:59 PM »
My apologies. Again, I was under the impression the being nice was a requirement in polite society. Bless my poor little heart.

Being nice is something that should occur in polite society.  What the other posters are trying to tell you is that bringing food to serve when the hostess has things under control and conveys that to you is not nice.  It's rude.

As others have said, a hostess gift is a good touch.  But, even it's not a requirement.  And, a hostess gift is not something that has to be used or served at the party or dinner.  It's a gift to the hostess that they use later.

If a hostess has a dinner party and has the meal covered, deliberately bringing something in addition is not nice at all.


Brentwood

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #36 on: June 20, 2007, 02:43:35 PM »
My apologies. Again, I was under the impression the being nice was a requirement in polite society. Bless my poor little heart.

For someone who is under the impression that being nice is a requirement, you're coming off as awfully snarky and sarcastic.

MyFamily

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #37 on: June 20, 2007, 04:32:36 PM »
It's like when someone says, "I really appreciate this," and you say, "Think nothing of it," no matter how enormous the favor was. The idea is to present ourselves as civilized human beings with the ability to be hospitable no matter what.
Um, actually, the polite response to "I really appreciate this" is to say "your welcome".  By saying "think nothing of it" you are diminishing their need to express gratitude.  In fact, I usually say "your welcome, it was my pleasure to help you out" or some such thing - acknowleding the fact that they are grateful and letting them know it was not a major issue for me.  Like when I went to Sam's Club one night after work for 2 hours buying things needed for my friend's son's bris (that cart was HEAVY) - they said "thank you", I said "your welcome, I was so happy to be able to help" and everyone was happy.  It was a big deal what I did and to diminish that wouldn't be fair to the new parents or to me.


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Arianoor

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #38 on: June 21, 2007, 06:26:26 PM »

My interpretation of the OP is that she is OK with people bringing things, and she is OK with people bringing nothing.  But, she doesn't want to tell people what to bring, and she doesn't want to turn it into a de facto Pot Luck.  This is my suggested response,

"We hadn't planned on this being a pot luck.  We have the menu covered.  If you really want to, is there a speciality you would want to bring?"  "Brownies?  Oh, that would be wonderful!  But, if you get busy feel free to come without the brownies.  We were really looking forward to seeing your shining face" 

That's what I'm reading, too.  I was a little surprised when so many people saw it in a more negative light.  Maybe I'm an optimist after all!  ;D