Author Topic: "Let me know what I can bring!"  (Read 9849 times)

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Lisbeth

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2007, 01:06:25 AM »
Some of us still feel that showing up to a dinner/party with nothing in hand is rude or inconsidreate, if it's not a gift giving occasion.

Please excuse us, we don't mean anything by it, like your food is bad, etc., we just feel like we should contribute something, and are really honored that you chose to invite us.

Dang, sometimes trying to be considerate and polite really bites you in the bottom....lol



If the host/ess has told you that it's not necessary to bring anything because they have the menu under control, IMO it actually stops being polite and considerate to bring something and expecting them to serve it.

If you want to bring a "host/ess" gift, there's nothing wrong with that; I'd just not expect the host/ess to serve it or use it at the party.  If they do, it's a nice, but strictly optional, touch.
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Telmereth

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2007, 07:32:34 AM »
When I go to a party, however formal or casual, I always (and I mean always) take a bottle of wine (or chocolates if I know the host doesn't drink) but this isn't part of the party fare. It's a gift for the host to enjoy when they choose.
IMO, this is perfectly fine, unless I was to insist it got served then and there.

However, I think it would be very rude if I were to bring food that was 'ready to serve' at the event in question, if I had been asked not to. If I was going to a dinner party (not a potluck) I would never bring a side dish and say "oh, but it goes so well with xxx". The same goes for a BBQ, I would not bring any meat/salad/nibbles if I was told "no thankyou".
The host(ess) gets to set the menu for an event, and unsolicited additions to said menu are rude.

Suze

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #17 on: June 17, 2007, 08:18:15 AM »
I have used the lline

Well .... how about (spouse name)? and that usually gets a giggle or two.

I think that asking is OK, but if the host says no you should go with it.
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Brentwood

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #18 on: June 17, 2007, 04:15:36 PM »
I really hate the fact that the "potluck mentality" has taken over to the point that people really cannot have a party - or attend a party - without making it into a potluck activity.

Hosts should be able to have a party and provide for their guests without help if they'd like to.  That meaning that guests HONOR that desire and DON'T bring something.  I don't care if they have to tie their hands to their sides until they arrive at the venue.  A host should be allowed to host a party by themselves.

If it is a potluck, fine.  Those have their places.  But, not everything should automatically be one.

And, especially if a host says, "Please don't bring anything.  I have it all covered," a guest who brings something anyway (hostess gift notwithstanding) is rude.



I totally agree.

I'm a Lutheran girl raised in Minnesota. Obviously, I've been to a lot of potlucks, LOL!

However, I don't like the idea that we must turn every event into a potluck. I like hosting dinner parties and other events, and I do not want anyone to bring anything. It's my party. You are the guest. I have planned the menu and enjoy treating you!

It's sad that some people are uncomfortable with accepting hospitality or who have the idea that they are somehow mooching or taking advantage of the host.

Brentwood

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #19 on: June 17, 2007, 04:20:25 PM »
Some of us still feel that showing up to a dinner/party with nothing in hand is rude or inconsidreate, if it's not a gift giving occasion.

Please excuse us, we don't mean anything by it, like your food is bad, etc., we just feel like we should contribute something, and are really honored that you chose to invite us.

Dang, sometimes trying to be considerate and polite really bites you in the bottom....lol



Because you are sincerely trying to be considerate and polite, don't put the hostess in the awkward position of having to serve something you brought, even though she planned and prepared the entire menu herself.

It is not, not, NOT rude or inconsiderate to attend a dinner party without bringing a food item. You are an invited guest. A small hostess gift is more than sufficient (and I'd say even that is not a requirement).

sweedetobee

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #20 on: June 18, 2007, 11:46:50 AM »
When someone says "I have it all covered" and they don't want me to bring something, then (just like another poster said) I bring a bottle of wine or flowers. More like a hostess gift I guess.

Then I feel ok because I am bringing something, but I'm not impeding on their entertaining. I never feel like I have to bring "food" just something small to thank me for having them over.


girlmusic

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #21 on: June 18, 2007, 12:07:04 PM »
I always ask if there is anything I can bring, but when told no, I bring a bottle of wine. If there is a reason why wine wouldn't be appropriate, I bring flowers.

What I find difficult is when I am asked in response what I would like to bring and the hostess has not told me what kind of food they are serving. In that case I offer to bring some sort of dessert (pie or cake or cookies usually) as that tends to go with everything. 


Sophia

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #22 on: June 18, 2007, 12:34:10 PM »

My interpretation of the OP is that she is OK with people bringing things, and she is OK with people bringing nothing.  But, she doesn't want to tell people what to bring, and she doesn't want to turn it into a de facto Pot Luck.  This is my suggested response,

"We hadn't planned on this being a pot luck.  We have the menu covered.  If you really want to, is there a speciality you would want to bring?"  "Brownies?  Oh, that would be wonderful!  But, if you get busy feel free to come without the brownies.  We were really looking forward to seeing your shining face" 

twinkletoes

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #23 on: June 18, 2007, 03:25:54 PM »
Some of us still feel that showing up to a dinner/party with nothing in hand is rude or inconsidreate, if it's not a gift giving occasion.

Please excuse us, we don't mean anything by it, like your food is bad, etc., we just feel like we should contribute something, and are really honored that you chose to invite us.

Dang, sometimes trying to be considerate and polite really bites you in the bottom....lol



I can see always bringing something to a party - as long as it's clearly a host/ess gift (bottle of wine, flowers, box of chocolates, etc.).  In that regard, I'm like you - and I'm sure most people here are - we wouldn't dream of showing up to a party without some sort of goody for the host/ess. 

But I do find it incredibly rude if someone showed up with, like, a side dish or something.  And depending on the relationship, it might (unintentionally, usually) come across as "we don't think you're capable of putting together a party, and we brought extra food to guarantee that there will be SOMETHING on the table." 

And while it might be "that's how it's done in this group," I wonder if everyone is on board with it.  Maybe years and years ago, Joe and Susie had a party and underestimated how much food to make, and everyone went home hungry.  Three months later, they host another party, and everyone thinks "remember last time?" and brings their crockpot of beans/seven-layer salad/Jell-O, etc., so as to make sure there is enough food.  And Joe and Susie are surprised, but think "well, ok, thanks."  And now everyone in that group thinks "this is how things are done."

sparksals

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #24 on: June 18, 2007, 04:15:25 PM »

Some of us still feel that showing up to a dinner/party with nothing in hand is rude or inconsidreate, if it's not a gift giving occasion.

Please excuse us, we don't mean anything by it, like your food is bad, etc., we just feel like we should contribute something, and are really honored that you chose to invite us.

Dang, sometimes trying to be considerate and polite really bites you in the bottom....lol



I don't think anyone has malicous intentions or is sending a PA message that the food is bad.  But the hostess goes to alot of trouble to plan a menu to serve the guests.  What you bring could be mismatched for the meal she has planned and she would feel obligated to serve it.

A few Christmases ago, we invited friend's of dh to Xmas Dinner.  They asked if they could bring something and I said, no, just yourselves.  I had it covered.  Then the guy suggested to dh that he bring a traditional Mexican dish... can't remember what it's called now - it's a soupish stewy kind of thing.  I was a bit upset because I told his wife not to bring anything and I was worried I'd be obligated to serve it when it didn't match at all with the traditional Christmas dinner. 

They did wind up bringing it and I thanked them for it, but didn't serve it.  I told them that dh will enjoy it for his lunches.  I wound up freezing it because we had so many leftovers that are typically remaining from xmas dinner.

Insisting on bringing something really puts the hostess in an awkward position.


Pinky830

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #25 on: June 18, 2007, 04:52:01 PM »
When I was growing up, I had never heard of taking a hostess gift unless it was a formal occasion hosted by someone you didn't know well. And nobody would dream of trying to try to bring a side dish.

Instead, what you did was RECIPROCATE!

I can't tell you how many times I heard my mother saying to my dad, "We need to have so-and-so over in the next couple of weeks. We owe them an invitation and it's getting embarrassing."

And that's what I'd rather someone do than bring something. I mean, unless they were a starving student or otherwise incapable of entertaining. That doesn't include just not feeling like they're a very good cook.



sparksals

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #26 on: June 18, 2007, 08:03:36 PM »
When I was growing up, I had never heard of taking a hostess gift unless it was a formal occasion hosted by someone you didn't know well. And nobody would dream of trying to try to bring a side dish.

Instead, what you did was RECIPROCATE!

I can't tell you how many times I heard my mother saying to my dad, "We need to have so-and-so over in the next couple of weeks. We owe them an invitation and it's getting embarrassing."

And that's what I'd rather someone do than bring something. I mean, unless they were a starving student or otherwise incapable of entertaining. That doesn't include just not feeling like they're a very good cook.


YES!!!  I didn't even think of that, but that is exactly what my mom used to say too.  However, whenever we or they went to someone's home for dinner, it was always customary to take a bottle of wine.

If we were to go visit someone for a weekend, staying in their home, we always gave a hostess gift.  Usually a nice piece of pottery like a planter or a candy bowl.

loopey2u

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #27 on: June 18, 2007, 08:23:38 PM »
Thank you all, I finally see the light on this one.

I didn't realize I was putting the hostess in an awkward situation by bringing a dish when told I didn't need to.  My reason for always doing so was that because I thought I was actually being nice and taking some of the load of the cooking off of the host.

From now on we're going to stick to hostess gifts and reciprocating invitations unless directly asked to bring something, or my offer to bring something is taken up on. 

Although now I'm afraid to even ask if I should bring anything.....lol

BittyB

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #28 on: June 18, 2007, 09:59:52 PM »
Although now I'm afraid to even ask if I should bring anything.....lol

You can offer, you should just make sure you aren't pressuring them into accepting.

twinkletoes

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Re: "Let me know what I can bring!"
« Reply #29 on: June 19, 2007, 08:51:52 AM »
Although now I'm afraid to even ask if I should bring anything.....lol

You can offer, you should just make sure you aren't pressuring them into accepting.

Agreed.  Although, I think I've read it's rude to even ask - but I think that really depends on the person extending the invitation. 

Anyway, yes, make sure you don't sound as though you're pressuring the host/ess - "are you SURE you don't want me to bring my three-bean salad?  It always gets gobbled up!"