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Author Topic: Family member long term guest..  (Read 17371 times)

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Nurvingiel

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #60 on: September 23, 2010, 02:03:59 AM »
I really like your reasoning Deetee. I'm going to have to remember that for my own life.

So you think he's going to be upset? HE is going to be upset with you?

Well, after the way he has behaved while a long term guest in your home, and how inconsiderate and messy he has been (gum on the remote? Ew!), I would think that you and your husband have every right be upset with HIM! Honestly, why should there be such concern for the feelings of someone who seems to put so little concern into the feelings of anyone else?


I ended up saying pretty much this to my husband a few days ago - I am kinda tired of thinking about his feelings when I don't think he really thinks about mine at all.  If he does get upset - and I think he will - I think we need to go on the offensive a bit and make sure he realises that he's not the only one who is upset!
This suggests to me that you shouldn't continue having him as a guest. You said upthread that you're fond of him; maybe it's best to tell him to find somewhere else to live so that you can continue being fond of him. :)
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Deetee

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #61 on: September 23, 2010, 12:16:32 PM »
I really like your reasoning Deetee. I'm going to have to remember that for my own life.


Thanks, I try to use it when I'm deciding things. It helps to realise you can only pick between the available options and not to burn up all your energy wanting the perfect option.

Sigh..I'm dealing with that in my own life right now and I have to say that it is easier to write than it is to apply.

saki

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #62 on: September 24, 2010, 03:33:21 AM »
Well, the talk actually went surprisingly well.  We opened with asking him what his plans were and his plans were to stay with us for four weeks after he gets back, anyway, i.e for November.  They did seem a touch vague, "Oh, it won't matter if I don't find somewhere exactly on time, will it?" but I think we successfully indicated that, yes, it would matter and that we expect him to find somewhere after four weeks, bar an actual catastrophe.  I do think we'll have to reiterate this when he comes back and again a couple of weeks into his return. 

It was obvious that he hadn't fully thought through everything, "I'll be able to move out in December as I'm getting a pay rise in December" "You do realise that your December pay rise won't come through until your end of December/early January pay cheque?"  "Oh, no, I hadn't thought of it that way."  But, fingers crossed, I think we did manage to bring these things to his attention and make clear that it is not a matter of indifference to us how long he stays, we want our house to ourselves again. 

Hopefully, I won't be bumping this in November to say "wah, he's still here, why won't he leave?"  But I don't think I will - I don't think he's a bad kid, I think he's just immature and unaware of people's feelings sometimes.

Goog

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #63 on: September 24, 2010, 08:44:57 AM »
Well, the talk actually went surprisingly well.  We opened with asking him what his plans were and his plans were to stay with us for four weeks after he gets back, anyway, i.e for November.  They did seem a touch vague, "Oh, it won't matter if I don't find somewhere exactly on time, will it?" but I think we successfully indicated that, yes, it would matter and that we expect him to find somewhere after four weeks, bar an actual catastrophe.  I do think we'll have to reiterate this when he comes back and again a couple of weeks into his return. 

It was obvious that he hadn't fully thought through everything, "I'll be able to move out in December as I'm getting a pay rise in December" "You do realise that your December pay rise won't come through until your end of December/early January pay cheque?"  "Oh, no, I hadn't thought of it that way."  But, fingers crossed, I think we did manage to bring these things to his attention and make clear that it is not a matter of indifference to us how long he stays, we want our house to ourselves again. 

Hopefully, I won't be bumping this in November to say "wah, he's still here, why won't he leave?"  But I don't think I will - I don't think he's a bad kid, I think he's just immature and unaware of people's feelings sometimes.

Glad it went well.  Did you also lay out ground rules, like respecting your privacy, getting out of the house for a night, picking up after himself AND having to do a share of the household chores?

FauxFoodist

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #64 on: September 24, 2010, 11:50:15 AM »
Glad it went well.  Did you also lay out ground rules, like respecting your privacy, getting out of the house for a night, picking up after himself AND having to do a share of the household chores?

And if he has complaints about the above, then to keep it to himself (unless they are productive concerns) because that's what a good guest does (or he could pay room, board and housekeeping fees if expects to be kept in the manner to which he was accustomed at his parents' home).

Namárië

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Re: Family member long term guest..
« Reply #65 on: September 24, 2010, 12:30:58 PM »
I'm glad it went well too. Hopefully he starts having a little more respect for your home.

I am baffled, though, at the ABC gum... would his mother/fiancée have cleaned it up for him?? Gross!
Competence is a trap!
I mostly don't make stuff, but sometimes I do: http://initiationcreation.blogspot.com