News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • July 23, 2017, 08:15:08 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: "Why is everyone always in such a rush these days?" and interesting assumptions  (Read 4397 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TootsNYC

  • Member
  • Posts: 34872
Quote
The problem is (was) that they want to eat dinner by 5PM.  I work until 5:30 (they know this) and then would need to drive 30-45 minutes to get to the restaurant.  Sometimes they would reluctantly agree to 6PM but then actually arrive earlier and have already ordered by the time I got there.


Ooh, here's your move! "Next time, instead of sitting around at home being bored, why don't you drive to a restaurant right next to my office? And then we can eat together!"

Bonus--maybe the traffic will make them late, and you'll be more in sync.

Venus193

  • Member
  • Posts: 17302
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
The great thing about living in NYC is that nobody criticizes you for being in a hurry; it's kind of a way of life for us.  People who are never on time is what bothers me the most.

BTW, I am not a beach person so sitting around in the sun is not something I do.  I like being pale and I'll read my magazine or book in Panera or Starbucks where there is a restroom and endless cold drinks.





DollyPond

  • Member
  • Posts: 781
Quote
The problem is (was) that they want to eat dinner by 5PM.  I work until 5:30 (they know this) and then would need to drive 30-45 minutes to get to the restaurant.  Sometimes they would reluctantly agree to 6PM but then actually arrive earlier and have already ordered by the time I got there.


Ooh, here's your move! "Next time, instead of sitting around at home being bored, why don't you drive to a restaurant right next to my office? And then we can eat together!"

Bonus--maybe the traffic will make them late, and you'll be more in sync.

I would love it if someone agreed to that scenario however, in my city, the native-born folk have "Downtown-a-phobia" and refuse to drive downtown no matter what. Unfortunately that's where I work and where I lived when I first moved here.  I am totally baffled by the "fear".

TootsNYC

  • Member
  • Posts: 34872
I'm with you, DollyPond! I have a similar situation sometimes; not as bad, but I see the outlines of what you describe.

BabyMama

  • Member
  • Posts: 2599
    • Jamberry Nail Wraps
I'm often treated to lectures by my (anti-tech) relatives (ironically, one of them works in a tech-related field...) about "kids these days" and how disrespectful people are with their technology. How they're always on their phones, how people are jerks for bringing laptops to meetings, etc. (My part time job requires me to use my phone quite often to stay up-to-date with events--on Facebook. And, of course, I use my phone for other things, such as checking e-mail or reading the news. And tbh at my main job, if you don't bring your laptop to a meeting, you are at the worst unprepared (can't see spreadsheets), or at the least, you just look unprepared.) They like to add their slightly rude commentary, too, like how they won't hold elevators for people if they're on their phones.

Of course, after being regaled by stories about terribly rude colleagues on their laptops during meetings, my one uncle proudly told a story about falling asleep in a meeting, and people noticing when his boss tries to praise him for a recent job. (I bet he wouldn't have fallen asleep if he'd been on his laptop...  ;D )

Chez Miriam

  • Member
  • Posts: 2000
These are the sorts of situations where I find my patented "duck on the head look" invaluable.

I once had a boss so bizarrely unreasonable that I was at a complete loss for how to respond to his constant, contradictory demands and criticisms. At one point I silently looked up at him with a quizzical expression, but nervous of enraging him with direct eye contact, I peered just above his head.

He was so disconcerted that he immediately stopped talking and went away. And it kept on working, so I managed to actually get my job done until I could quit.

I've used it in many circumstances and it's never failed me. Just quietly looking at the imaginary duck on someone's head and wondering why it's there. Is that..a duck? What an odd thing to wear. How did he train it to do that? or whatever inner monologue comes to mind.

It's like DEET for jerks.

I love this; must remember to try it!
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

gramma dishes

  • Member
  • Posts: 9870

These are the sorts of situations where I find my patented "duck on the head look" invaluable.

I once had a boss so bizarrely unreasonable that I was at a complete loss for how to respond to his constant, contradictory demands and criticisms. At one point I silently looked up at him with a quizzical expression, but nervous of enraging him with direct eye contact, I peered just above his head.

He was so disconcerted that he immediately stopped talking and went away. And it kept on working, so I managed to actually get my job done until I could quit.

I've used it in many circumstances and it's never failed me. Just quietly looking at the imaginary duck on someone's head and wondering why it's there. Is that..a duck? What an odd thing to wear. How did he train it to do that? or whatever inner monologue comes to mind.

It's like DEET for jerks.

Has anyone ever angrily inquired  "What the heck are you looking at?"

Chez Miriam

  • Member
  • Posts: 2000

These are the sorts of situations where I find my patented "duck on the head look" invaluable.

I once had a boss so bizarrely unreasonable that I was at a complete loss for how to respond to his constant, contradictory demands and criticisms. At one point I silently looked up at him with a quizzical expression, but nervous of enraging him with direct eye contact, I peered just above his head.

He was so disconcerted that he immediately stopped talking and went away. And it kept on working, so I managed to actually get my job done until I could quit.

I've used it in many circumstances and it's never failed me. Just quietly looking at the imaginary duck on someone's head and wondering why it's there. Is that..a duck? What an odd thing to wear. How did he train it to do that? or whatever inner monologue comes to mind.

It's like DEET for jerks.

Has anyone ever angrily inquired  "What the heck are you looking at?"

I have heard a friend respond to that with "I don't know; the label's fallen of it."  But I don't think that was calculated to 'soothe the savage breast'...!  Probably best avoided.
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

EllenS

  • Member
  • Posts: 4627
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:

These are the sorts of situations where I find my patented "duck on the head look" invaluable.

I once had a boss so bizarrely unreasonable that I was at a complete loss for how to respond to his constant, contradictory demands and criticisms. At one point I silently looked up at him with a quizzical expression, but nervous of enraging him with direct eye contact, I peered just above his head.

He was so disconcerted that he immediately stopped talking and went away. And it kept on working, so I managed to actually get my job done until I could quit.

I've used it in many circumstances and it's never failed me. Just quietly looking at the imaginary duck on someone's head and wondering why it's there. Is that..a duck? What an odd thing to wear. How did he train it to do that? or whatever inner monologue comes to mind.

It's like DEET for jerks.

Has anyone ever angrily inquired  "What the heck are you looking at?"

Oddly enough, not once.

Then again, I wouldn't do it to someone who was already "hot," and I wouldn't recommend it in a situation that's turned angry or aggressive. I certainly wouldn't use it on someone you hope to have a pleasant personal relationship with later.

It's a slightly more disconcerting version of "complete silence," or a nonverbal version of "I beg your pardon?"

 I think the thing that makes it work is that you are ostensibly looking at them, but not quite making eye contact. Low-level bullies and strangers who want to commandeer your time and attention for no good reason seem to find it off-putting.


I have heard a friend respond to that with "I don't know; the label's fallen of it."  But I don't think that was calculated to 'soothe the savage breast'...!  Probably best avoided.

*snerk* Yes, probably best avoided.

I suppose I would just say something like, "I beg your pardon?" Or "was there something you needed?" But I've really never had it happen.

Of course, I can't recall the last time someone tried that sort of nonsense with me in the first place. Being "fat and forty" with an extreme case of RBF has its advantages.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2017, 02:53:13 PM by EllenS »

Lady Snowdon

  • Super cool awesome title
  • Member
  • Posts: 6418
Definitely not a "young people" thing.

My current pet peeve involves going out for dinner.

One set of acquaintances are not capable of waiting to have dinner beyond X time.  I usually get "well, we could wait 10 minutes but not more" if I have a problem getting to the restaurant by "their time".  The husband of one of these people thinks that as soon as he is finished eating it is time to leave - no matter if others are still eating or not.   

These are people in their 60s. 

I no longer accept their invitations for dinner as it turns out to be more of a subpoena than an invite.

I'm not following. Is the issue that they demand that you meet them at say 6pm and your preference is to eat later? Or is it that you guys agree to meet at 7 and they let you know they'll wait till 7:10 before going ahead and ordering?

If the first one, then I agree it's best to not socialize with them for dinners. Sometimes medical issues or body changes cause issues for people if they eat a large meal after a specific time at night. I'm only in my mid 50's and have realized that I will end up miserable if I eat a largish meal after around 8pm. I still do it occasionally but if I can be finished with my evening meal by 7:30 I do try.

If it's the second, well.... it could be the way we dealt with my perpetually late SIL. But we did give a 15 min grace period.

The problem is (was) that they want to eat dinner by 5PM.  I work until 5:30 (they know this) and then would need to drive 30-45 minutes to get to the restaurant.  Sometimes they would reluctantly agree to 6PM but then actually arrive earlier and have already ordered by the time I got there.

There are no digestive issues involved here.  They say "Well, we've been sitting around the house all day and <insert great whining here> we're boooooooored."  As if that's somehow my fault. 

I am not a chronically late but driving like a maniac in rush hour traffic is not my idea of a prelude to a "relaxing" evening.

We have a situation like this!  Every month, we have dinner with my in-laws at someone's house.  Hosting duties rotate between my MIL, my two sisters-in-law and us.  My MIL and her two daughters live close to each other, and don't work.  They want to eat at about 5:15 or 5:30.  That time just doesn't work for us - DH often doesn't get home until 5 pm due to traffic, and then we have to feed and walk our dog before we can leave for dinner.  We usually get there around 6 pm.  We've explained this multiple times, yet we still get calls from them if we arrive later than 5:45 asking "if we're still coming", and everyone else has usually eaten by the time we arrive.