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  • October 22, 2017, 11:31:23 PM

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Author Topic: If you could rewind  (Read 827 times)

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NFPwife

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If you could rewind
« on: October 02, 2017, 03:18:07 PM »
I was thinking about an interaction that happened a couple weeks ago and what I would have wanted to say if I wasn't a. completely caught off guard and b. so in my own thoughts about what was happening. I'm wondering who else has had the experience where you walk away and think, "I should have said (done) 'X'?"

I don't mean snarky or insulting things, just that there might have been a better strategy and you didn't have it at your fingers in the moment. One of the most helpful things about eHell, for me, is that I'll find myself in a scenario similar to one that's been discussed in a thread and I handle it better because we've talked about and dissected it. (Sometimes for pages.) So I thought this might be a helpful thread.

Here's my scenario - I was walking out of the local casino at about 12:30 a.m. (In case it's relevant-- I travel home from the airport right past the local casino, I had a promotion for some free slot play for that date so I stopped, played it, got a soft drink, and left.) I saw someone coming in who had gone to a neighboring high school, went to the same small liberal arts college for undergrad, and had gone to our gym for a bit a couple years ago. She was with a date (not sure if it's a new SO). I called out to her in the parking lot and walked over. I was intending to ask her if she was going to college Homecoming later this fall.

I'm paraphrasing a bit, but what she said came out in a torrent and went like this --- "I saw you, I was hoping you didn't see me, we came this late because I didn't want anyone to see me, I've gotten so fat, I can't believe it. Look at you, are you still going to the gym? Of course you are. Look at you. I see you on FB hiking and biking. You must be thinking what a fat slob I am..." (There was more, it's actually hard to type this out.)

A couple things happened really fast for me, one, I felt so badly for her. She's obviously upset and unhappy. Two, I was offended that she was assuming I'd be judging her. Three, I was so shocked at how she was talking about herself, out loud, I couldn't imagine what she was saying in her head.

I sputtered something out about wanting to see if she was going to Homecoming and that I love seeing her kids on FB. She said, about Homecoming, "Of course not! Look at me!"

If I could rewind... I'd say, "You're beautiful. Inside and out. I'm happy to see you." I would have had a softer, calmer tone. I was so taken off guard that I barely got out my side of the conversation before saying, "Good luck in there!" and darting off to the car.

What would you rewind??

Belle

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Re: If you could rewind
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2017, 12:14:36 PM »
I ran a race recently on a very hot day. Around a quarter mile from the finish line, the runner next to me started doing the "I'm about to faint from heat exhaustion weeble wobble." He was running in a zig zag, struggling to stay upright, etc. I and another runner grabbed him, and we were unable to convince him to sit. (I think this was 99% because he was completely out of it and focused on just putting one foot in front of the other, but there may have been a language issue, too.) So, we both put an arm under him and kept him upright while we slowly moved towards the finish line. After a minute or two, two spectators took our place so that we could continue our run.

I finished the run and waited just past the finish line to make sure they got him to the finish area. I didn't see him, so I don't know if I missed him or if he didn't make it.

In the entire time I was watching for him to make sure he was ok, it didn't occur to me to send medical help out to him.  :-[ I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking! My only defense is that I had just finished a half marathon in blistering heat, and I was probably a little out of it, too. Sigh. Somehow all I could think was that I had to make sure the runner got to the finish line where the medical help were located, and the concept of sending help from the finish line out to the course just didn't occur to me.

I wish I had a rewind button for that day.

NFPwife

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  • Posts: 1901
Re: If you could rewind
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2017, 12:28:59 PM »
I ran a race recently on a very hot day. Around a quarter mile from the finish line, the runner next to me started doing the "I'm about to faint from heat exhaustion weeble wobble." He was running in a zig zag, struggling to stay upright, etc. I and another runner grabbed him, and we were unable to convince him to sit. (I think this was 99% because he was completely out of it and focused on just putting one foot in front of the other, but there may have been a language issue, too.) So, we both put an arm under him and kept him upright while we slowly moved towards the finish line. After a minute or two, two spectators took our place so that we could continue our run.

I finished the run and waited just past the finish line to make sure they got him to the finish area. I didn't see him, so I don't know if I missed him or if he didn't make it.

In the entire time I was watching for him to make sure he was ok, it didn't occur to me to send medical help out to him.  :-[ I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking! My only defense is that I had just finished a half marathon in blistering heat, and I was probably a little out of it, too. Sigh. Somehow all I could think was that I had to make sure the runner got to the finish line where the medical help were located, and the concept of sending help from the finish line out to the course just didn't occur to me.

I wish I had a rewind button for that day.

Yeah, a half marathon on a blistering hot day will definitely impact your ability to problem solve. Good that you got him help and supported him!

I did something similar once, but I have no half-marathon excuse.... A co-worker and I were rushing through an airport to make a tight connection and she'd had a pain in her side. I thought it was just a stitch and really pushed her to speed walk/ run for the connection. We made the connection. Turns out she had a fractured rib from coughing (Whooping cough! She had a travel site where there'd been an outbreak.) Later I thought, "I could have run and had them wait for her." It just did not occur to me in the moment.

lilfox

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Re: If you could rewind
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2017, 02:54:36 PM »
At least weekly, sometimes daily, I wish I could rewind and handle issues with my children differently.  I know it comes with the territory but I always resolve to do better and then don't always manage it.

For example, I had a can't-miss appointment at 9 AM on Monday.  I was iffy on how bad traffic was going to be so I really needed to leave the house, kids in tow, by 8 AM so I could do the two drop offs and get going.  As almost always happens, the kids didn't immediately do the things I needed them to do and so I got progressively less patient til I was snapping at them.  We did manage to leave the house at 8:04, drop offs went smoothly, and I made it to my appointment.  Twenty minutes early.   ::) :-\

I apologized to both of them after school but seriously, I need to develop better skills for morning activities.  Fortunately DH does 90% of morning stuff (he's a morning person and not nearly so cranky) so I only swoop in at the end or on the rare early-departure days, but still.