Dear puppy nephew, aka chicken-dog,
I know that you were a rescue, and therefore your mommy and daddy don't really know waht happened before they adopted you. THey do know, that you hate water, something happened. I know that too, and that's why you won't go outside when the automatic sprinklers are on. But for the love of whatever, when it goes off, and I try three times to let you out, the thing not to do is to roll over and want belly rubs! And because of that, after I left for work, mommy had to call someone to let you out and pee!
And to the other one, When I wake you up and try and let you out before bed, or before I go to work its not because I'm mean, its because being that your are 12, you can't hold it as long as you used to! So it doens't help that I have to get behind you and herd you out the door!.
I know part of it is you are miffed that mommy and daddy went away and you feel abandoned, but I've been watching one of you for 10+ years, and the other ever since they got you, several years ago.