Author Topic: "Is there an etiquette question here?"  (Read 22989 times)

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Wendy Moira Angela Pan

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2010, 09:56:00 PM »
I agree with Shores. I can only recall having seen the question in threads that were more about ranting than a productive discussion. For the people who think it sounds snotty, is there another phrasing that sounds more polite?

I'm referring to posts that were honest questions, just not etiquette ones, and should have been in Coffee Break. I remember once it was a person who had made a pie that hadn't set up right and was asking how to firm it up.

In that case, asking if there is an etiquette question comes off as disingenuous, and it would be more polite to outright state that there is a folder for these types of questions.

penelope2017

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2010, 10:02:03 PM »
Well, I may have time at some point, but I'm pretty sure I've seen a post(s) from Ehell Dame encouraging longer-term posters to ask this question to keep posts on target. Maybe not for a pie question, but definitely for posts that just seem to complain rather than ask a question. That's why I have felt comfortable asking it in a polite manner.

If I get time, I'll search for it, but I know it exists, because people have argued or said asking this was not necessary before, and I've looked it up before and posted it before.

Lisbeth

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2010, 10:53:59 PM »
There are reasons to post in the etiquette folders besides asking questions.  I'd really prefer that the question not be asked-it does come off as rather snotty and condescending, or at the very least as something that doesn't add anything positive to the thread.
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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2010, 11:31:34 PM »
If you think that the post is nothing but a rant/vent, you can always report it.
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AngelicGamer

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2010, 02:43:04 AM »
There are two reasons why I don't post outside of Entertainment sub board and one of them is the question that this thread is being made of.  I think about posting an interesting story and then go "wait - where's my question?".  So the story doesn't get posted and I search for other posts with the same jist that was in my story with no question (first reason I don't post - most of my questions have findable answers). 

I remember the same as another poster about EDame asking about older members to ask about where the question is.  However, it doesn't come up as warming and I'm most of a lurker because of it.  Maybe if it was sandwiched between two nice statements, it might come off better. 

Then again, I don't mind reporting posts that need to be reported to mods.  The mods and EDame do rock.




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Amava

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2010, 03:02:02 AM »
Sometimes it really comes off as scolding, condescending and unwelcoming, especially if someone posts merely that one sentence: "I don't see an etiquette question here" or, even worse: "I thought this was an etiquette forum."

If someone actually posts a longer post, trying to be helpful, but at the same time adding "but in my opinion, this is not really an etiquette matter, but a matter of xyz"; or for example "I think this goes beyond etiquette, this is violent behaviour and you don't have to put up with it!" then I think it's good. A poster can express their doubts about something being an etiquette matter without being totally dismissive of the original poster of a topic.

I think, if you have really *nothing* nice to say, don't post. If you have something nice to say + a critical remark that you can make in a polite way, that's fine.

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2010, 06:38:36 AM »
There are reasons to post in the etiquette folders besides asking questions.  I'd really prefer that the question not be asked-it does come off as rather snotty and condescending, or at the very least as something that doesn't add anything positive to the thread.

I must agree with this. There's no rule that says every post has to have a question. Often, I've noticed, someone will post something and someone will ask that question when it is obvious what the etiquette issue is. If the etiquette issue is obvious, asking "What's the etiquette question?" just makes the asker look like a jerk, or worse, stupid for not noticing what the issue is.

Yes, rants are not allowed. But posting about etiquette blunders and having discussions has never been disallowed. I see a lot of threads that don't relate directly to etiquette but they fall within the bounds of acceptable/unacceptable behaviour, so I leave them alone instead of asking where the question is or reporting them.

Honestly, do some people have nothing better to do than go through the topics and appoint themselves the question police?


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penelope2017

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #22 on: September 19, 2010, 08:53:27 AM »
If you think that the post is nothing but a rant/vent, you can always report it.

Right - definitely. But if I'm remembering the gist of that post from EhellDame it was that people politely guiding a thread toward an actual question or encouraging posters to seek out an etiquette issue or question in the OP helps the mods out - which is why she said she encouraged long-timers to do that. I'll find it at some point, but it does exist.

I guess I don't see a poster can't ask it politely, or I've even seen some really polite responses in which a poster will say, "To answer what might be your etiquette question..." and then respond.




penelope2017

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #23 on: September 19, 2010, 09:30:26 AM »

Here's part of a post from EhellDame from this thread (bolding mine):

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=22841.msg533987#msg533987

Every folder in the main section is an advice requested folder. Everyone should be posting with the intent to gain advice on how to deal with the etiquette faux pas of not just others but themselves. 

I think people need to understand that Etiquette Hell forum is about etiquette and manners and civility.  It is not a therapy or counseling session and it would be arrogant of us to assume any of us has the education, credentials and knowledge to address these kinds of non-etiquette problems.  We cannot be all things to all people.


This tells me that every post should have some sort of question or inquiry about the situation at hand to gain advice rather than just sharing a story in the main part of the board - other parts of it can be for simply sharing.


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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #24 on: September 19, 2010, 09:53:35 AM »
Also keep in mind that "question" can be meant in the rhetorical sense, as in -- "Is there an actual point of etiquette to be discussed here?" -- not just "Does this post include an actual query with a question mark at the end of the sentence?" 

Many posts on the main boards are thinly disguised rants on off-topic issues -- laments about interpersonal matters, commercial transactions or even mental health matters where social etiquette has no purview.  Tacking on the hollow "So, was I rude?" or "So who was rude in this situation?" to disguise the rant doesn't change the off-topic nature of the post.


Wavicle

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #25 on: September 19, 2010, 09:57:00 AM »
Also keep in mind that "question" can be meant in the rhetorical sense, as in -- "Is there an actual point of etiquette to be discussed here?" -- not just "Does this post include an actual query with a question mark at the end of the sentence?" 

Many posts on the main boards are thinly disguised rants on off-topic issues -- laments about interpersonal matters, commercial transactions or even mental health matters where social etiquette has no purview.  Tacking on the hollow "So, was I rude?" or "So who was rude in this situation?" to disguise the rant doesn't change the off-topic nature of the post.



I think sometimes these threads can be salvaged by asking what the etiquette issue is. I can see how the statement could be snarky, but sometimes the OP may get frustrated an not clarify what they are looking for. I have seen people rethink the issue once its all out and come out with a more concise question that can be interesting to discuss.

Lisbeth

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2010, 04:50:02 PM »
But the presence or absence of any clear etiquette question should not be an excuse to snark.

As noted above, asking questions is not the only reason why someone might post a thread-and other reasons are valid.
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Brentwood

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #27 on: September 19, 2010, 06:05:49 PM »
But the presence or absence of any clear etiquette question should not be an excuse to snark.

As noted above, asking questions is not the only reason why someone might post a thread-and other reasons are valid.

I'm inclined to agree, and I did see a recent example that put me off. The OP had quite obviously posted in the wrong folder inadvertently (I can't remember the subject, but it was definitely off-topic and correct for the Coffee Break folder but had been posted elsewhere), and there was a "What is the etiquette question here?" post. In that particular instance, it came off as snarky and unhelpful; if the poster felt the need to comment, a simple, "I believe this topic would be better suited to the Coffee Break folder" would have been kinder.

Pinky830

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #28 on: September 19, 2010, 08:19:43 PM »
But the presence or absence of any clear etiquette question should not be an excuse to snark.

As noted above, asking questions is not the only reason why someone might post a thread-and other reasons are valid.

I'm inclined to agree, and I did see a recent example that put me off. The OP had quite obviously posted in the wrong folder inadvertently (I can't remember the subject, but it was definitely off-topic and correct for the Coffee Break folder but had been posted elsewhere), and there was a "What is the etiquette question here?" post. In that particular instance, it came off as snarky and unhelpful; if the poster felt the need to comment, a simple, "I believe this topic would be better suited to the Coffee Break folder" would have been kinder.

I think you and I saw the same post. That is exactly the type of thing I am referring to.

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Re: "Is there an etiquette question here?"
« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2010, 10:32:16 AM »
The Wedding Etiquette folder subheading states "Discussions on proper wedding etiquette, stories of bad etiquette" I assumed that it was fine to just post a story without asking a specific question. If not, subheading is a little misleading.