Author Topic: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...  (Read 11245 times)

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Clara Bow

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In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« on: September 20, 2010, 12:41:46 AM »
I have to share this, because it was simply hilarious.

My BIL uses me as his personal ask-a-nurse service. He asks me about everything from ingrown hairs to outright pneumonia. Believe me, there's nothing more awkward than telling your BIL the symptoms of herpes. Trust me on this one.

He recently developed a cyst in a rather personal area...he's had it checked out and the doc says that it's likely nothing but that she wants to take it out. He was panicking that the surgery would leave him sterile, would hurt horrendously, etc. So I have to be cool on the side and tell him how needle biopsy of the...container....is done and that there's little risk, etc.

Man that he is, he's going on and on about how large this cyst is. Finally he says "Seriously, I want to send you a picture of it to see what you think."

 :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

I gave him a moment to realize what he had just offered to do then drawled, "Honey, Christmas is going to be awfully awkward if you start s*e*x*t*i*n*g me." I haven't heard that much sputtering since "The Poseidon Adventure".

So share your favorite foot-in-mouth moments...
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PaintingPastelPrincess

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2010, 12:53:55 AM »
I don't have one off the top of my head, but that made me choke on my Coke!

White Dragon

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2010, 03:30:10 PM »
A couple of days ago, coworker, uberboss and I are chatting after work. It's very relaxed and we're chatting about uberboss's family. He is one of 11 children.

He mentions that his next-younger sibling is only a year (less 6 days) younger than him.
He says his dad got a lot of ribald teasing about that, given that mom got pg only 3 months after having a baby.

I said something to the effect of "Well, at that point, you're asleep anyway", meaning "With a 3 month old baby, weren't they too tired?", but, obviously that's not how it sounded.

Uberboss just looked at me and said "I think I just learned *way* more than I wanted to know about your s*x life!"

Gurk!

Gyburc

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2010, 06:50:51 AM »
My mother never got tired of telling this one...

Many years ago, my mother went to the local church, and they had just got a new vicar (parish priest). He and the congregation were just getting acquainted. One evening, after a service, Mum and some other church ladies were going down the church steps, which were rather dimly lit.

From behind them comes a voice: 'Are you ladies all right in the dark?'
Mum being mum, she replied cheekily 'Oh, we're fantastic in the dark!'

... and then realised she was speaking to the new vicar.

 :o

They got on like a house on fire after that!
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2littlemonkeys

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2010, 03:06:51 PM »
I am sure I have more than this one anecdote but this one still makes my cheeks pink.  And it was almost 20 years ago.

I was working at a summer camp and a few of my fellow counselors were using our day off to see some local sights.  One of them had a guy friend visiting and he was cute!  So, of course, I was in super-hyper-don't-do-anything-stupid mode.  And I suppose you all know where that gets you.

So I happened to be driving and let out a yawn.  CuteGuy said, jokingly, something like "Hey, don't fall asleep there!"

Me, being oh, so witty, responded "Don't worry, I'm not a narcoleptic or anything."

Only I didn't say narcoleptic.  I said necr0pheliac.  Which is slightly different.  The really awful part is that the whole time I was showing off my wit, I was mentally telling myself to NOT say necr0philiac. 

For some reason, he was really not that impressed with my vocabulary. 




Outdoor Girl

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2010, 03:08:15 PM »
2LM, that is hilarious.
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Hillia

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2010, 03:20:05 PM »
Both of my parents are deceased, Dad almost 30 years ago and mom 2 years ago.  About 2 months after mom's death, DH and I are out for dinner.  I'm regaling him with some of the best toxic IL stories from ehell, and wound up with, 'I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with crazy IL's like that!' (DH's parents are very sweet and welcoming people).

DH replied, 'Me either!'

I mean...

You know...

I really loved your mom!


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MadMadge43

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2010, 03:26:11 PM »
When I bump or bruise myself I always say "oh, it's just an arm, I have another" etc.

One day at work my male boss was bending down looking at something and a cabinet was up above. I said "be careful of your head", he said "it's only my head" and of course I said "you do have another".

The look he gave me will forever be engraved in my brain.

Clara Bow

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2010, 06:21:22 PM »
Oh ouch....that is priceless.
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Kimblee

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2010, 06:27:42 PM »
When I bump or bruise myself I always say "oh, it's just an arm, I have another" etc.

One day at work my male boss was bending down looking at something and a cabinet was up above. I said "be careful of your head", he said "it's only my head" and of course I said "you do have another".

The look he gave me will forever be engraved in my brain.

I laughed so hard I'm crying.

White Dragon

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2010, 08:21:31 PM »
Today I had Big Problem A occupying 1/2 my brain.
I had Big Problem b occupying 1/2 my brain.

Then Big Problem C started demanding 1/2 my brain and well, I was fresh out.

So while I'm calling Other Office to talk to uberboss, my brain is not fully engaged.

I tell Donna "Hi Donna, I need to speak to what's his face" (cause uberboss's name wasn't popping up in my brain and Donna and I kid around all.the.time.)

Donna repeats, *out loud* "You need to talk to what's his face?"

I yelped "You weren't supposed to say that out loud!!!"

Donna yells over to uberboss "Forget anything I just said" (yeah, right).

Uberboss gets on with "This is what's his face..."

Ummm. Yeah.


Dazi

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2010, 08:27:32 PM »
When I bump or bruise myself I always say "oh, it's just an arm, I have another" etc.

One day at work my male boss was bending down looking at something and a cabinet was up above. I said "be careful of your head", he said "it's only my head" and of course I said "you do have another".

The look he gave me will forever be engraved in my brain.

I laughed so hard I'm crying.

Me too...my kitty came to check on me.
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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2010, 09:27:49 PM »
Not so bad, but...
I was at an amusement park as a teen with some cousins and a church youth group.  Lost in my own thoughts, I heard them mention something French something.
I joined in and said, "I know Spanish!"
They were talking about French kissing.  ??? ::) :P I went back to silent mode.   
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Shoo

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #13 on: September 21, 2010, 09:51:49 PM »
When I bump or bruise myself I always say "oh, it's just an arm, I have another" etc.

One day at work my male boss was bending down looking at something and a cabinet was up above. I said "be careful of your head", he said "it's only my head" and of course I said "you do have another".

The look he gave me will forever be engraved in my brain.

Oh my goodness, I almost choked reading this!!  Too funny!

Clara Bow

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #14 on: September 22, 2010, 04:00:12 AM »
I have to tell one on my mother.

We went to McDonald's when they were having a Toy Story promo for the first movie. Mom paid to buy the two main character toys and announced at the dinner table that night "Hey! I have a Buzz and a Woody!"

Cue my brother and I shooting tea out our noses and screaming with laughter while Mom goes "What? What's so funny?"
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