Author Topic: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...  (Read 12009 times)

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DangerMouth

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #45 on: October 08, 2010, 06:35:20 PM »
My boss was wearing a pair of very squeaky shoes one day. As she was coming up behind me, I could hear her a mile away because of the squeaking.

What I meant: "You could never work in espionage because you couldn't sneak up on anyone in those shoes."

What I said: "You would make a terrible spy!"

My boss is blind.

I started rambling, "Um, because of the squeaking shoes! You couldn't spy on anyone! I mean, you couldn't sneak up on anyone! Your shoes are squeaky!"

Fortunately, she has an excellent sense of humor.

LOL! Caffeine-free Dr. Pepper through the nose...

I LOL'd too.

I have a friend who is blind. SO thinks he's cute when he sneaks up behind her, puts his hands over her eyes, and says "guess who?" ::)

This very board, the baby names thread: I was trying to make a point (I think, it was a while ago) about how a particular name wasn't that bad, not like a really awful name like 'Enid'. On cue, another poster tells me her favorite aunt is named Enid.  :-[ (fortunately, she had a sense of humor about my gaffe).

VorFemme

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #46 on: October 08, 2010, 09:33:07 PM »
My boss was wearing a pair of very squeaky shoes one day. As she was coming up behind me, I could hear her a mile away because of the squeaking.

What I meant: "You could never work in espionage because you couldn't sneak up on anyone in those shoes."

What I said: "You would make a terrible spy!"

My boss is blind.

I started rambling, "Um, because of the squeaking shoes! You couldn't spy on anyone! I mean, you couldn't sneak up on anyone! Your shoes are squeaky!"

Fortunately, she has an excellent sense of humor.


It wasn't quite deliberate, but when I was active duty military, when I walked down the tiled hallway my heels clicked and echoed.  It got to where most of the building knew *my* walk and would "clean up" what they were saying or doing if they heard me coming.  Among other duties, I was the one in charge of inspecting security procedures...........and had to go around checking on things once in a while.

For whatever reason one day, I was NOT walking with a click (I think someone had mentioned how loud the echo was due to echoing off the tiled floor and cement block walls - at least until fiber noise suppressing wall board was hung in most of the building - then it went from deafening to "just noticeable").  I walked in on two guys shooting the breeze who had the safe open and some files sitting on top of it that weren't supposed to be out if no one was actively using them........

I got accused of deliberately sneaking up on them because they had learned to listen for the "click" of the lieutenant's heels so that they knew when to double check that the classified items were put away and the safe's lock had been twirled but I hadn't done it!   I had snuck up on them!

I grinned and told them that they needed to remember that the bad guys didn't wear high heels............
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

Luci

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #47 on: October 10, 2010, 11:10:45 PM »
It's not necessary to read the not-so-hidden words, just accept it was a funny comment on his outcome.

On the more serious side: My cousin has to have some devastating surgery. But he has an eternally positive attitude and a great sense of humor, so he said, "at least I'll have the other foot to kick a-s-s with", and I said, "Then I'm really happy for you!" "Um, er, not that it has to happen but that you feel you can deal with it."

bellawitch

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #48 on: October 12, 2010, 12:58:34 AM »
I had a boss once that was not from our area, so like the eraser\rubber post he would often call items by different names. We were used to it and didn't think nothing of it.

He came back from a manager's meeting a bit perplexed. This guy had a major sweet tooth, so he thought the other guys would be equally happy when he offered to bring squares and cookies to the next meeting. Instead he got a stunned silence when he told them "he'd bring dainties for everyone to enjoy next month"

When I told him in our area they were probably assuming he was planning on bringing in a supply of women's underwear, he made an odd choking sound and hid in his office for the afternoon.

Tierrainney

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #49 on: October 26, 2010, 12:27:08 AM »
This one is from my daughter.

We were staying with relatives for the weekend and playing a game that involves color.  One of the uncles is color blind.  Some people were looking for different colors in the game box and he mentioned he couldn't tell and started to tell a story about getting his eyes checked where the person testing him didn't understand what color blind meant.  Well, my daughter didn't understand what color blind meant so it was explained that Uncle couldn't tell the difference between red and green, everything in those shades was a kind of grey.

Daughter:  "Uncle is a dog?"   ;D

Everyone laughed especially Uncle.  Fortunately, he has a sense of humor about his eyes and has lots of stories of people who don't get it.  She got it fine, but didn't know it occurred in people. 
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JoW

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #50 on: October 31, 2010, 03:59:29 PM »
Years ago I was starting a trip half way across the US.  The first leg of my trip was short – only about 150 miles.  The plane was what I call a “puddle-jumper”.   15 seats. 

I was hanging around in the waiting room with several other people, all about to get on that plane.   And naturally we were making polite small talk.  One woman saw her ticket said seat A, her DH’s ticket said the same row but seat F, and started freaking out. She wanted to sit beside her husband, but the tickets said there were 4 seats between them. 

I had seen similar tickets in the past.  This airline has larger planes, too.  They use similar tickets on all planes.  Seats A and F are window seats, B and E are middle seats, C and D are aisle seats. 

I explained to her that the seats are beside each other and the plane is “so small it could almost land in your back yard”.  Thats when I discovered that she was terrified of flying.  Oops. 

EngineerChick

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #51 on: November 01, 2010, 07:15:18 PM »
One time at the book store, I asked the lady doing the checkout if she needed a hand putting my books into a bag.  Which wouldn't have been a problem, except for the fact that she didn't have hands at all.  She said "yes, actually" and laughed it off, but I still feel bad about that.

S/O of farrah's story about her boss not being a good spy--At the university I went to, there was a yearly competition where the players would try to shoot each other with dart guns, with each person being assigned a "target".  If you shot your target person, you were given a new target.  There were rules about sniping, not shooting in classes or cafeterias.  The winner of this competition the first year was the blind girl.  She knew everyone's voices in the competition and no one ever suspected her, so she could shoot them from 2 feet away.
Talk nerdy to me.

Dazi

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #52 on: January 08, 2011, 03:26:23 PM »
I am resurrecting this thread to share this gem.  The sad thing is I have done this exact same thing before....more than once.  I think my brain just misfires or something.

I have an acquaintance that wears a uniform to work.  I have only ever seen him wearing his uniform.  Today I ran into him and his wife while grocery shopping.  He stops and introduces me to his wife.  I guess I looked a little confused, so he asked me if I knew who he was...to which I respond "Yeah, it just took me a minute to place you.  You look different with clothes on.".

(I can't express myself without swearing)...of course what I meant to say was, "You look different out of uniform." or possibly, "You look different with regular clothes on."

Luckily his wife thought it was absolutely hilarious.  I think my face matched my red shirt.   :-[
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MadMadge43

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #53 on: January 08, 2011, 07:48:46 PM »
That one's awesome, and jogged my memory for this one.

My girlfriend, who teaches 1st grade, was at a grocery store saw a guy that looked familiar and asked him if he was the father of one of her kids.

The guy froze and turned white. I guess everyone was looking at him waiting for the answer.

Shea

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #54 on: January 08, 2011, 09:55:26 PM »
On the "two countries separated by a common language" front:

Many years ago, before I was born, my newly-married parents were visiting some friends on their farm in England. The friends had a small daughter, I think about three or four years old. Everyone was out for a walk one day, when the little girl tripped and fell down hard on her backside. My dad went and picked her up and said "Oh, did you fall on your fanny?" Cue slack-jawed expressions from the English friends. Apparently, in England, "fanny" does not mean "tuchus", as it does in the US.

Fortunately everyone got a good laugh when both parties realized what the other meant.


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siamesecat2965

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #55 on: January 08, 2011, 10:40:41 PM »
I remembered one from college, kind of dirty, relating to scrabble, but oh so funny.  i was out with my friend, and her boyfriend, for ice cream.  I ordered a sundae, and as I don't like maraschino cherries, I asked him, quite innocently, would he like my cherry.  We all just stopped talking, and burst out laughing.  I was so embarassed I wanted to crawl under the table.

I'mnotinsane

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #56 on: January 09, 2011, 12:14:41 AM »
In a marketing class once the instructor was explaining why we need to determine target markets in order to properly promote businesses.  He illustrated by saying that his brother goes to certain restaurants because he always want the same dish, while he likes to go to different restaurants "because I like to...stimulate myself".  About 3 seconds of dead quiet, then the room exploded in laughter.

MsMarjorie

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #57 on: January 09, 2011, 02:54:56 AM »
My friend was travelling by bus, the bus stopped for refreshments and everyone got off.  My friend was sitting back in his seat when a woman stopped and asked him " was I sitting in front of you?"
My friend, thinking he was being hilarious, quipped "Of course I remember you, you're the woman with the bald spot".  The woman looked at him angrily and sat down.

She had a bald spot.

LazyDaisy

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #58 on: May 18, 2011, 07:23:56 PM »
I hope no one minds me reviving this thread. I thought these were funny and I didn't want to start a whole new thread when one already existed on the topic.

In college, a dorm neighbor and friend, Mary* had to have surgery on her heel — she was on crutches for a while and really couldn't put any weight on her foot. Mary had very thick long curly brown hair (this is important in a moment). The dorm buildings were 3 floors and we were climbing the stairs (no elevator) up to the third floor. She finally got frustrated with her crutches after a while and just crawled up the stairs on hands and knees while one of her friends carried her crutches. One of us as a joke snapped a photo from behind of her crawling up the stairs.

We were looking at the roll of photos one day at lunch in the cafeteria and came to that one, where upon Mary cried out loudly that all you could see of her was this big *backside* with wild curly hair coming out the front. We all paused in shocked silence for a moment before bursting out laughing. I've never laughed so hard. Another girl fell out of her chair laughing. Poor Mary stared at us  ??? for a few minutes before realizing what she said, and then turned bright red and decided she really needed a drink refill.
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Giggity

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #59 on: May 18, 2011, 07:47:13 PM »
In a marketing class once the instructor was explaining why we need to determine target markets in order to properly promote businesses.  He illustrated by saying that his brother goes to certain restaurants because he always want the same dish, while he likes to go to different restaurants "because I like to...stimulate myself".  About 3 seconds of dead quiet, then the room exploded in laughter.

Well, you do need a variety of places on your list, because generally once a restaurant catches on that that's why you're there, they ask you to leave.  ;D
Words mean things.