Author Topic: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...  (Read 12120 times)

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Daffydilly

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #60 on: May 18, 2011, 08:30:15 PM »
I am exclusively pumping for my four month old daughter. Twice a day, I excuse myself at work and go use the closet. The normal routine is I grab my bag and nod to the team leader without saying anything. All my coworkers are guys and mentioning my activity results in a lot of embarrassed, red faces.

Today, I felt a bit down, so I added up my averages for the past few months. And it felt great to see the numbers. So when I started to do my nod and leave act, the temporary team lead said, "You're going to do your thing? How's it going for you?"

"Great," I said, "I've almost reached my goal of 35 gallons!"

Cue his face freezing with that horrified "Brain bleach! I need brain bleach! Don't think of that! No! AUGH!"
I rushed out while trying to contain my horrified laughter. You know, that moment when you can't believe you said it and your mind goes "Ha, ha!" and "Oh NO" at the same time.

JadeAngel

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #61 on: May 18, 2011, 09:26:03 PM »
On the last day of school in our graduating year we had a final assembly, mostly so they had some place to corral us for a few hours so we weren't roaming all over campus throwing eggs and the younger students could get some work done.

At this assembly they had the school chaplain get up and give a little sermon, she was a very lovely South African lady who was very fond of allegories and she was telling us this story, although for the life of me I can't remember what it was about, but she got to a part of the story where she paused for effect... and during this silent pause, someone down the front passed wind... LOUDLY!

The teachers were still patrolling the aisles, and no-one wanted to spend the last ever day of school banging blackboard dusters together so we were all swallowing our giggles... until she continued on with the story. Because the next line was 'And then there was a great wind...'


Game Over.  ;D

Carnation

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #62 on: May 22, 2011, 10:30:20 PM »
My older sister took in a teenaged girl who had no place to go.   Oh how she adored that girl.  She took her shopping and things of that nature (my sister only had sons).

Within a year, the girl developed a brain aneurysm and collapsed while taking a shower.  She passed away at the hospital.

A short time later, I was talking to my sister on the phone.    She asked about my job and I told her how easy it is and how anyone can do it.   I ended by saying:

"It's not brain surgery." :-[ :-[ :-[

Carnation

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #63 on: May 23, 2011, 05:40:13 AM »
This was in high school  :-[.  I walked, and there was a policeman at this one intersection I had to cross.  One day, he asked me how school was going, and I said "Fine, but my chemistry teacher is a jerk."  He asked me who I had, and I said "Mr. J-."  Naturally, the policeman replied, "Oh, that's my son!"  ::) :-[.

(Today I look back and remember Mr. J- as one of my best teachers :)).


I did likewise.  When I was in high school I was in the hospital.  I was chatting with the nurse and told her where I went to school.  She asked if I knew Mrs. K.   I said I did and she was horrible.

The nurse was her cousin. :P

Sirius

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #64 on: May 23, 2011, 09:16:39 PM »
Had an almost foot-in-mouth moment.

Years ago I was visiting with the woman who had owned my sheltie's parents.  She asked me, "Do you know the woman with the large red sheltie named King?"  I did, and I thought the woman was a snob, as she was rude to other handlers and was a sore loser.  Fortunately, before I could say anything else she went on to tell me that was her MIL.  So I said, "King is a good working dog." 

M-theory

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #65 on: June 01, 2011, 07:31:14 PM »
A few nights ago, my grandmother (does not drink alcohol; there's an 8-year-old bottle of champagne on the dining room table) commented to me that she thinks she doesn't finish her dinner because she fills up on iced tea. Tonight, we were eating Tex-Mex with my great aunt and uncle, and she was picking at her food after only a few bites.

Me: "I think you're right that you drink too much."
*long pause, crickets*
Great Uncle: "Grandmother'sName, any bad habits you've picked up and need to tell us about?"

The worst part is that I started thinking about this thread and the squeaky shoes story right then. I had to go to the bathroom and laugh myself almost to death to be able to keep a reasonably straight face for the rest of the meal.

robobecky

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #66 on: June 01, 2011, 08:24:53 PM »
Have one from Memorial Day weekend.  My parents and 12 y/o cousin were visiting, and while they were there, a couple of salesmen from a local security company came to my door, and offered me a free security system if I agreed to advertise for them-ie. sign in the yard, stickers in the windows.  One of them mentioned the huge bush in my front yard, and that it would be a good place to put the sign to draw attention.

Later that evening, my parents and I were discussing the system and the offer over dinner, and cue me saying to them "They liked my bush".  Dead silence for a second, then my parents and I started cracking up.  My cousin started laughing too, but I'm not entirely sure she knew why we were laughing.....

AM in AL

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #67 on: June 02, 2011, 11:32:28 AM »
This was years ago, when I worked at a company that made lumber products... think big, burly factory workers.

I have a kneecap that likes to travel, so I wear a knee strap when it flairs up. I'd lost it, and after a few days of limping, got a new one.

I had to go up the hill from the office to the plant, and one of the guys noticed that I was walking better. "Yes", I said... "I've got a strap on."




Goodnight Kiwi

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #68 on: June 02, 2011, 12:40:35 PM »
I've got two - one by me, one to me.

I'm a Kiwi living in London, and sometimes people like to mimic my accent (all in good fun) - mostly words like "red", "dad" and numbers.  I was talking with a senior manager at my work, and he imitated one of the words I had said (can't remember which now).  To which I replied, "Oh, [Senior Manager], you're just jealous of my erotic accent."  I didn't realise what I had said until I saw his face.  I had, of course, meant exotic (and I will add that it was tongue in cheek).

The second one is actually pretty bad.  I used to work in a law firm that was historically quite an "old boys' network".  It was improving, but my supervising partner had only had males in his team for some years - I was his first woman solicitor (because he wanted a "good strong girl who wouldn't cry"  ::))  Believe it or not, we actually got on very well, and had quite a bit of banter, although nowhere near as filthy as he had with the "boys".  One day he came into my office, and I realised that someone had taken my second chair, so he knelt on the ground beside my desk to look at a document.  I asked him if he'd like me to go grab another chair, to which he replied, "No thanks, I'm good on my knees.  But not as good as you are."  I looked at him, a bit shocked (I have a fairly dirty sense of humour, but I didn't expect this from my boss).  He was looking back at me, pale, with his mouth open a bit, having realised what he said.  Luckily (for him!), I just laughed and said "[Boss], this is why I have HR on speed dial."   He was actually the best boss I've ever had, but that incident, and remembering the look on his face, still makes me laugh...and cringe.

Bijou

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #69 on: June 04, 2011, 02:36:03 AM »
I was at a meeting and a woman who leads exercise groups was doing a lecture.  She was talking about her class schedule and days off and said, "I don't know what day Christmas is this year....." Without thinking, I said, "The 25th."  She looked startled and embarrassed when everyone started laughing.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Carnation

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #70 on: June 06, 2011, 06:16:08 AM »
I was waiting my turn at the deli at the grocery store yesterday.  The man ahead of me was getting yelled at by an older woman.  This guy was in his late 50's by the way.

I said to him "Your mom yells at you like I yell at my own son".

He said "That's my wife." :-\

WolfWay

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #71 on: June 06, 2011, 07:19:55 AM »
This very board, the baby names thread: I was trying to make a point (I think, it was a while ago) about how a particular name wasn't that bad, not like a really awful name like 'Enid'. On cue, another poster tells me her favorite aunt is named Enid.  :-[ (fortunately, she had a sense of humor about my gaffe).
Yeah, I did that to a coworker.

Me: (to male coworker) "You could always tell people you're giving the kid a really odd name... like Gunter!"
Female coworker: "Hey! That's my dad's name!"
 :-[

What can I say, it's very rare name where I live. What are the odds?  :P
It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian Tiger - from a distance, preferably separated by bars . -- Pearls Before Swine (16-May-2009)

siamesecat2965

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #72 on: August 19, 2011, 03:06:33 PM »
This happened just last night.  A very close friend passsed away, and myself and other friends were at the wake.  I hadn't seen several of them in a number of years, so we were catching up.  It's also important to note our dearly departed friend had quite the sense of humor, and would have found what happened next, quite hilarous.

So here we are, in the funeral home, chatting away, and one friend says something, then says "I'm dead serious"  we all gasp, then start laughing.  I was next, chatting about something, and I happen to say, as I always do, "I sleep like the dead"  Again, we all gasp, then laugh.  And if that wasn't bad enough, a THIRD friend said something else, using the word "dead" as a description of something.  I know my friend was up there laughing hysterically at us all.  Thankfully no family or anyone else was around to hear what we said.

Steph.A.

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #73 on: November 04, 2011, 11:05:34 PM »
I was in the car with a friend and he was driving. We had been quiet for awhile, since we were both pretty tired and I yawned. He caught my yawning, which prompted me to say;

  "At least you´re not a sociopath."

I had read a study a few days prior that sociopaths don´t catch a yawn..... But of course he had NO IDEA where that came from and just looked at me bewildered and said something along the lines of;

 "Yeah, AT LEASTT THAT, huh!"

I explained and we both spent the next ten minutes laughing.
"Oh frabjous day, callooh, callay!"

TeamBhakta

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Re: In Celebration of the Great Foot-In-Mouth Moments...
« Reply #74 on: November 05, 2011, 12:06:49 AM »
One time I got made at Bhaktaboy for trying to cancel a date at the last minute. I wanted to say "I need to get a new boyfriend!" in Spanish, but I goofed up and said "I have a new boyfriend!" Yeah, whoops  ::) That was fun trying to explain "no, honey, I meant to say need." He gave me the side eye the rest of the day and kept asking "Are you sure you aren't dating someone else ?  ??? You seemed really mad and serious about it  :-["

*I had a statistics professor who would project lessons from his laptop computer. I noticed one day that an icon on his desktop said "instant massage." I was going to say "hey, you spelled instant message wrong", but then I noticed another icon said "exotic massage" or "e*otic massage", something like that. Good thing I kept my mouth shut 
« Last Edit: November 05, 2011, 12:20:46 AM by TeamBhakta »