Author Topic: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?  (Read 8201 times)

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ydpubs

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #15 on: October 11, 2010, 03:44:17 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

I agree with you Allyson. People are just stating their opinions, not brow beating like this: What are you nuts? What is WRONG with you???

And I do find (my own bias to be sure) a distinct lack of acknowledgement of any dissenting opinions and answering posts that agree with the OP to smack of validation seeking.
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hot_shaker

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #16 on: October 11, 2010, 03:48:54 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

My personal thought on this is if there are 20 responses telling the OP why they disagree, including well articulated replies and not just a bunch of "Pods", I see no purpose in poster number 21 adding yet another post with a viewpoint that has already expressed.  It's not always a matter of the responses themselves being mean, but after a while it becomes redundant and no one wants to read 2 pages of how wrong they are with no new insight.  Now if poster #21 is offering a unique viewpoint, even if she still disagrees with the OP, that's a different situation to me.

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2010, 03:53:14 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

I agree with you Allyson. People are just stating their opinions, not brow beating like this: What are you nuts? What is WRONG with you???

And I do find (my own bias to be sure) a distinct lack of acknowledgement of any dissenting opinions and answering posts that agree with the OP to smack of validation seeking.


I see your point, but I think that as long as there is no rule that says the OP has to respond to all posts, that is just how it is. I have my bias towards thinking that if people want to disagree with an OP , they should do it  gently and not briskly, and as an OP, I feel under no obligation to acknowledge those who disagree with me, unless they offer a really useful perspective that I had not considered.
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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #18 on: October 11, 2010, 03:53:55 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

My personal thought on this is if there are 20 responses telling the OP why they disagree, including well articulated replies and not just a bunch of "Pods", I see no purpose in poster number 21 adding yet another post with a viewpoint that has already expressed.  It's not always a matter of the responses themselves being mean, but after a while it becomes redundant and no one wants to read 2 pages of how wrong they are with no new insight.  Now if poster #21 is offering a unique viewpoint, even if she still disagrees with the OP, that's a different situation to me.

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DottyG

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2010, 03:56:09 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered.

I abhor this.  And, when I see it in a thread, it really makes me think even less of the OP's position.  Sometimes, to the point that I'll cease reading their thread altogether.  If they're going to be that snarky to #s 1-10, they lost credibility completely.




ydpubs

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2010, 04:08:54 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

My personal thought on this is if there are 20 responses telling the OP why they disagree, including well articulated replies and not just a bunch of "Pods", I see no purpose in poster number 21 adding yet another post with a viewpoint that has already expressed.  It's not always a matter of the responses themselves being mean, but after a while it becomes redundant and no one wants to read 2 pages of how wrong they are with no new insight.  Now if poster #21 is offering a unique viewpoint, even if she still disagrees with the OP, that's a different situation to me.

Another perspective on all the POD's. If one person makes a very articulate post and many don't feel the need to add and they agree, they are giving consensus to that opinion. Whereas if there is only that one well articulated post and even though there might be 20 others who agree, it would appear that this is the only person who feels this way/has this opinion. I view the POD posts as "votes" for a certain viewpoint if that makes sense. And if there is another, differing viewpoint, and that post gets alot of POD's, it would appear that there is more support for the differing one.

When making threads asking advice here, I do take in to consideration how many people chime in on a given perspective.
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DangerMouth

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2010, 05:01:23 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

I agree with the bolded. In the forum rules, "dogpiling" is specifically mentioned as continuing to chastise a poster after a mod has stepped in. That doesn't actually happen all that often. Otherwise, it's just people posting their opinions.

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2010, 05:03:42 PM »
One thing that gets to me is the "oh, thank you!" to Poster #11 who agrees with them..as though all the disagreeing posters shouldn't have bothered. I think there's a problem on this board with seeking validation, because with most of the folders, we're going there wanting to discuss and possibly disagree...not immediately agree with the OP. Or maybe, there's nothing wrong with wanting agreement from others, but sometimes it seems like there's this attitude given to those who don't agree.

Also..I think that terms like 'pileon' and 'dogpile' are overused. I mean, if everyone is straight up telling off the OP, and being insulting or really harsh, that's one thing. But if it's just that the majority of people don't agree with the OP, I really don't see why that's being nasty. It's not as though people go to a thread and then decide to 'jump all over' the OP because everyone else is doing it. They probably genuinely disagree.

My personal thought on this is if there are 20 responses telling the OP why they disagree, including well articulated replies and not just a bunch of "Pods", I see no purpose in poster number 21 adding yet another post with a viewpoint that has already expressed.  It's not always a matter of the responses themselves being mean, but after a while it becomes redundant and no one wants to read 2 pages of how wrong they are with no new insight.  Now if poster #21 is offering a unique viewpoint, even if she still disagrees with the OP, that's a different situation to me.

Another perspective on all the POD's. If one person makes a very articulate post and many don't feel the need to add and they agree, they are giving consensus to that opinion. Whereas if there is only that one well articulated post and even though there might be 20 others who agree, it would appear that this is the only person who feels this way/has this opinion. I view the POD posts as "votes" for a certain viewpoint if that makes sense. And if there is another, differing viewpoint, and that post gets alot of POD's, it would appear that there is more support for the differing one.

When making threads asking advice here, I do take in to consideration how many people chime in on a given perspective.


Tru 'dat. I often wish we had a 'like' or thumbs-up button to show support for a post even when I have nothing remarkable to add to the discussion.

hot_shaker

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2010, 05:31:08 PM »
Another perspective on all the POD's. If one person makes a very articulate post and many don't feel the need to add and they agree, they are giving consensus to that opinion. Whereas if there is only that one well articulated post and even though there might be 20 others who agree, it would appear that this is the only person who feels this way/has this opinion. I view the POD posts as "votes" for a certain viewpoint if that makes sense. And if there is another, differing viewpoint, and that post gets alot of POD's, it would appear that there is more support for the differing one.

When making threads asking advice here, I do take in to consideration how many people chime in on a given perspective.

I agree that short agreement posts can be helpful to a certain extent - I too take them as a gauge for the general forum opinion - but I have seen some threads where there might be a couple of pages that are littered with "I agree" and "pod" and only a few actual opinions.  There's a line between getting useful, although negative, feedback and being made to feel stupid because everyone disagrees with you and you have 30 responses to prove it.

I guess just imagine if this were occurring in person.  If I said something that most people disagreed with, I wouldn't want everyone in the room telling me that they disagreed.  Maybe just a few insightful comments; I would take the lack of positive comments to mean that everyone else disagreed.


Tru 'dat. I often wish we had a 'like' or thumbs-up button to show support for a post even when I have nothing remarkable to add to the discussion.

Facebook has spoiled me.  I often find myself wanting a like button the forum.  I personally don't like just writing writing "I agree" unless it's very early on in a thread but I would click a little thumbs up button. :)

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squeakers

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2010, 07:54:17 PM »


Tru 'dat. I often wish we had a 'like' or thumbs-up button to show support for a post even when I have nothing remarkable to add to the discussion.

Facebook has spoiled me.  I often find myself wanting a like button the forum.  I personally don't like just writing writing "I agree" unless it's very early on in a thread but I would click a little thumbs up button. :)

Too bad there couldn't be a tiny little pea pod to click to show agreement.  :D

I also wanted to point out that while sometimes it looks like 4 or 5 people have all said the same thing one after another and appear to be piling on with one viewpoint, thanks to the varying speeds of ISP propagation, they might have all read the same post at the same time and replied at the same time or within several minutes of each other.  One notices this much more when an OP updates their thread and someone responds and then edits their post according to the new info that came in as they were typing.  Some ISPs refresh webpages a lot faster than others.
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DangerMouth

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #25 on: October 11, 2010, 08:06:36 PM »


Tru 'dat. I often wish we had a 'like' or thumbs-up button to show support for a post even when I have nothing remarkable to add to the discussion.

Facebook has spoiled me.  I often find myself wanting a like button the forum.  I personally don't like just writing writing "I agree" unless it's very early on in a thread but I would click a little thumbs up button. :)

Too bad there couldn't be a tiny little pea pod to click to show agreement.  :D

I also wanted to point out that while sometimes it looks like 4 or 5 people have all said the same thing one after another and appear to be piling on with one viewpoint, thanks to the varying speeds of ISP propagation, they might have all read the same post at the same time and replied at the same time or within several minutes of each other.  One notices this much more when an OP updates their thread and someone responds and then edits their post according to the new info that came in as they were typing.  Some ISPs refresh webpages a lot faster than others.

Haha! "This post has 12 Pods" :D

As to the piling, we do have the 'warning: 12 people posted etc.' but I know that once I've taken the time to write out a post, I'm not likely to discard it just because someone else posted while I was composing it.

ydpubs

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Re: Do you want opinions or do you just want validation?
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2010, 08:21:36 PM »

Haha! "This post has 12 Pods" :D

As to the piling, we do have the 'warning: 12 people posted etc.' but I know that once I've taken the time to write out a post, I'm not likely to discard it just because someone else posted while I was composing it.

POD to the bolded. (sorry, couldn't resist. LOL!!!)

But yes, I will frequently see the warning update about posting, but if it's a longer message I've taken time to compose, I will still post it.
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