You know you've achieved nerdhood when...

[Elfmama]

Esperanto's a constructed language from 1887 that's touted as the replacement for English. More info at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto

(looks wariely around at the sudden silence) And NOW you all know why I'm banned from every trivia and pub quiz night in the entire country. It's called an 'idactic memory'. I just remember . . . . stuff. Totally useless in the real world.

And I saw something somewhere that more people speak/read Klingon than Esperanto...

[Slartibartfast]

Harry Harrison was a huge proponent of Esperento and features it heavily in his "Stainless Steel Rat" series (which is worth the read, even if it's a bit dated!).

[faithlessone]

Esperanto's a constructed language from 1887 that's touted as the replacement for English. More info at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanto

(looks wariely around at the sudden silence) And NOW you all know why I'm banned from every trivia and pub quiz night in the entire country. It's called an 'idactic memory'. I just remember . . . . stuff. Totally useless in the real world.

Don't worry - I knew that too!!

It was also featured heavily in Red Dwarf. Rimmer claimed to learn it, and at later points be fluent, but all he could actually do was inform people that there was a frog in his bidet. And say "charmita" (charmed) a lot. Not so useful!!

(And my father and I are no longer allowed to enter the local pub quizzes. Having a 2-person team conclusively beat all the other 6-people teams - sometimes by rather immense margins - leads to that 2-person team being very unpopular!!! Sometimes we go miles away to enter pub quizzes, and we've never come lower than 2nd!!!)

[Shea]

I don't speak any non-real-world languages, but I have constructed my own language (I studied linguistics in college). Am constructing, I should say, it's a work in progress. The vocab always needs expanding and sometimes I must refine the grammar.

Also, for all you geography nerds, I present geoguessr.com/. I can't stop playing it.

[cwm]

In college, I translated Romantic poetry into Tolkien Elvish. For fun. I had a full binder of Elvish to help me, and I had to make some guesses at some words, though they were rather educated.

When arguing with my sister that her daughter can't be CM² because her initials are CMCM. CM² would be C²+2CM+M².

Nobody in my family will play Star Wars Trivial Pursuits with me either. Then again, I refuse to play with my boyfriend.

When I started my job we had to create fake files in the system to learn how to use it. They had to be obvious fakes, so they wouldn't trigger anyone else to think they were real and get the compliance department involved. I realized that I couldn't use any of my fandom names as fakes because nobody else would recognize them, so I reverted to Sherlock Holmes. Then people still didn't recognize that it was fake.

The biggest actual argument my boyfriend and I have had was whether to go to PAX or D*Con. It's a moot point this year because we can't afford either, but we've each made some pretty strong arguments for our own side. We'll see how next year plays out.

[Ms_Cellany]

When arguing with my sister that her daughter can't be CM² because her initials are CMCM. CM² would be C²+2CM+M².

nerd level up:  (C+M)² would be C²+2CM+M².

[Onyx_TKD]

When arguing with my sister that her daughter can't be CM² because her initials are CMCM. CM² would be C²+2CM+M².

nerd level up:  (C+M)² would be C²+2CM+M².

Yeah, your niece's problem is a lack of parentheses: CM²=CMM. She needs (CM)²=CMCM. C²M² would also work, but looks less elegant.

[Ms_Cellany]

My first name can be rendered C₃H₄

[cwm]

I give, math never was my strong point.

If it's all the same, sis isn't either, and agreed with me. Now I call the kid Sproglet and she calls her Booger or Bear. Or Booger Bear, if she's being especially cute.

[White Dragon]

Several years ago, I participated in a Secret Santa exchange at work. Participation was voluntary, and to help the gifters choose something appropriate, each participant filled out a tag with 2 or 3 inexpensive suggestions.
My go-tos were always coffee and chocolate, and that particular year I added "Lawn ornament" because there were lots of cute options out there.

Well, the Coworker I Disliked The Most drew my name. And she bought me a lawn ornament.
Now, there is absolutely nothing offensive about this lawn ornament. It's a little cherub with reflective wings,  much like this one: http://outdoorstatue.org/store/cherub-garden-statues/seated-cherub-statue-medium-121702069919400/

I probably wouldn't have picked it out for myself, but it's inoffensive and I did find a perfect use for it on my deck.

However...because it was given to me by someone I really didn't care for, it's very hard to get attached to the little thing.
And as time goes on, it's sort of become affectionately hideous in our eyes.

And, every few months, someone spots it and starts another round of "Weeping Angel." 

This geek game involves taking the statue and sticking it in places designed to startle other members of the family. 
This week it was in my dresser drawer (thank you son!)
From there it went to Mr. Dragon's sock drawer.
He, in turn, put it in the kid's bathtub, where a groggily awake teenager would be sure to get an eyeful first thing in the morning. 
(Got an unexpected victim when Big Sister when to borrow the teen's tub for a late night bath. She shrieked most satisfactorily!) 

So that is what geeks do. They find lemons and turn them into Dr. Who games of "torment the family!"

I have a follow-up to this.

For Father's Day, DragonSon bought his dad this: http://www.gardenfun.com/travelocity-talking-gnome.html   

It has now replaced the cherub as "things that will lurk for you".
The gnome has been dubbed "Ezzio" (nerd points if you can figure out why!)

Today Ezzio was in the back of DH's car as he drove me to work.
It triggered as we were driving down the block with a cheerful "We're off on an adventure! Bwaaaaahhhhaaaa!"

DH has offered to make a tornado instrument pack out of it...

S'okay by me. The other night I stuck it on the floor on his side of the bed.
I knew it wouldn't go off when he went to bed (dark and all) but that it would when he got up in the morning. 
He called me evil. 

[mandycorn]

My dad and I had a sneaky garden gnome battle a couple of years ago when I still lived at home.  It began when I turned one of his gnomes to look like it was peeing on a tree. He retaliated by making two of them peek in my bedroom window at me. It escalated from there...

His best trick was when he took the morning off to beat me to work by about 30 minutes (an hour and a half drive in rush hour traffic, so he really worked for it) so that he could place a gnome in my desk drawer with my office mate's help.

My return trick wasn't quite as much work, but I enjoyed it. I managed to get an afternoon off and snuck the gnome into his gym bag, so when he went to work out, he was faced with a small bearded friend wearing his change of underpants.

After that, the battle downgraded to small gnome statues exchanged on gift-giving holidays and rearranged in the potted plants in our respective homes.

[greencat]

I think the fact that some friends that I just recently made label their vacation photos with the scientific names of the plants and animals in them is the best.thing.ever.