Etiquette School is in session! > "So kind of you to take an interest."

This is what our doctors want. UPDATE, page 3

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penguinpants:
I'm exclusively nursing my newborn son, and using formula is not an option because he has tummy troubles.  We're only supposed to use bottle-feeding with breastmilk, if he begins to refuse nursing or if I'm incapacitated.  My mother "gets it," and is very supportive. MIL, however, keeps recommending "controlled feedings," and other such things, and believe me, advice has not been asked for.  DH has weathered the majority of these comments with "This is what the doctors have said we're supposed to do, as well as the nursing consultants."  So far, it's sort of worked?  As in, she backs off for a little bit, but reopens the subject during their next phone chat.  The ILs live out of town, but will be in for a whole weekend next month, although they're staying in a hotel.  FTR, both my mother and MIL only used formula, so neither has direct experience with nursing.  My mother has indirect experience, since my sister nursed both of her children.  I think my mother is more amenable, simply because she has more experience with it.

Any other suggestions for getting the subject closed?  "This works for us," and the like have, so far, not worked.  Part of it is that this is her first grandchild, but part, too, is that I think she keeps forgetting that the conversation has already happened before.  We don't want to be rude, but we also don't want to be harassed.

Also, I do not nurse in front of anyone, aside from DH, medical/lactation staff, and the females of my immediate family.  I would not be comfortable with MIL being back in our bedroom while I nurse.  Any polite ideas for keeping her at bay?

HeebyJeebyLeebee:
Since you've already tried several methods that are typically recommended on Ehell, I think it would be appropriate to step it up a level.

Maybe try the Toots Broken Record Method:

MIL:  Controlled feedings are best.  Blah blah blah.
Penguinpants:  This is what works for us.
MIL:  But blah blah blah...
PP:  This is what works for us.
MIL:  But blah blah blah...
PP:  This is what works for us.
MIL:  But blah blah blah...
PP:  This is what works for us.

Or, you could completely squash the topic.

MIL:  Controlled feedings are best.  Blah blah blah.
Penguinpants:  This topic is not up for discussion. 
MIL:  But blah blah blah...
PP:  This topic is not up for discussion.  If you bring it up again, we will leave/ask you to leave.*

You must be prepared to follow through with this.  If you don't, then your MIL will continue to press. 

Ms_Shell:

--- Quote from: HeebyJeebyLeebee on September 22, 2010, 12:37:33 PM ---
PP:  This topic is not up for discussion.  If you bring it up again, we will leave/ask you to leave.*


--- End quote ---

This is probably what I would say.  POD on making sure to follow through if you tell her she'll have to leave.

Julep:
Rather than "best for us" perhaps you should start making this about baby. Baby's health is at stake here, and I think even a half-caring busybody ought to understand, "I understand that worked great for you, but with Baby's tummy troubles, that would actually be dangerous for his health. And of course, that far outranks our own comfort." And if she persists, "This topic isn't up for debate. Baby's health comes first, and this is what I have to do to keep him healthy."

As for the nursing, does your bedroom door have a lock? If not, you have time to install one before she comes. I heartily recommend it.

Julep:
PS - I just reread your OP, and caught something that I didn't catch before (or imagined something that I didn't imagine before, one or the other).


--- Quote from: penguinpants on September 22, 2010, 12:25:05 PM ---Any other suggestions for getting the subject closed?  "This works for us," and the like have, so far, not worked.  Part of it is that this is her first grandchild, but part, too, is that I think she keeps forgetting that the conversation has already happened before.  We don't want to be rude, but we also don't want to be harassed.

--- End quote ---
(bolding mine)

If my interpretations aren't mistaken, is this more about her forgetting previous conversations than about her being stubborn that her way is the "right way"? If so, a lighthearted, "oh Grandma, remember how we told you about Baby's tummy troubles? I'm afraid we don't have a say in the matter - Doctor's orders!" might be enough. And if you find yourself saying it often, make it a game - you and DH get to order chinese or pizza delivery once you've said it ten times  ;D

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