This is what our doctors want. UPDATE, page 3

[Nemesis]

Dear penguinpants,
I am sorry I joined this thread late. And I'm sorry you have to deal with your intrusive MIL...

(((HUGS)))

Sometimes it's so hard to be nice and polite without being stepped all over, isn't it? My MOTHER kept trying to get me to wean my baby (we're at 8 months and still going strong), and SHE VISITED EVERY WEEKEND. It's her only grandchild and she's been wanting to play grandma for ages.

I found that the best way to stop the discussion is not to engage. She would bring up weaning, and I would say "Breastfeeding is fun". She would bring up the what-is-best-for-baby-is-formula-milk topic and I would say "breastfeeding is fun!!" (even though there are times when it's not fun at all  ) She would bring up the irresponsible-mother-needy-baby topic, and I would say "Breastfeeding is FUN!!!". And since she "forgets" that she said it all already, she would bring the same topics up every week when she visited. For 6 months.

For the past two months, it's been all about stop-breastfeeding-and-feed-real-food topics. And guess what I say?

Believe me, nothing makes me more pleased (not e-hell approved, I know) than to see her so frustrated at not getting her point across. After all, if I have to suffer her lectures, why not have fun at it?

[irish1]

I'm quite afraid of those books that say you must make sure a baby knows he isn't centre of the universe by making him wait for food. Um, he's a BABY, he doesn't think that way. All he knows is he doesn't get what he needs and becomes anxious.

[gramma dishes]

For the past two months, it's been all about stop-breastfeeding-and-feed-real-food topics.

Translation:  Your Mother is REALLY eager to have the chance to feed your baby herself!  And since she's not currently appropriately equipped it's quite frustrating for her.  I think somewhere deep down in her heart she KNOWS that breastfeeding is best for the baby, but darn it!  She's wants to feed baby too!  

[floridamom]

You silly people!  All those posts, and no one mentioned that it isn't a Gold Star, it is Gold Tatas.  I've past the 6 month mark and I am checking the mail for my Silver Ones. 

I think some people assume judgment from anyone that makes a different decision on a major thing like baby feeding.  I know my Grandmother gets defensive about it.  She was a farm wife and had my dad on "Cow's milk, Caro Syrup and some other stuff" at two weeks.  I admit I find that shocking, but I've never hinted that's what I thought.  I swear that every time I see my MIL she tells me why she stopped when she did with each of her kids.  I never bring up the topic. 

One thing I don't understand.  If someone hasn't breastfed for a certain period of time, that is it, they can't go back.  So, what good does it do to try to convince them that breastfeeding is best?  Assume that the arguments are persuasive, then what?  They will just feel bad.  As if mothers need more of that. 

Actually that was a fairly common formula up till about the mid 1950s, when commercial formulas became more available.  Late MIL remembered being discharged from the hospital with a formula recipe - I think it was evaporated milk, corn syrup, plus a few other ingredients.  I doubt whether the powdered commercial formulas that were developed at the same time were much superior nutritionally, but were certainly more convenient.  And if she was a farm wife - quite possibly she had to be out there helping her husband in the fields, and the baby's older sisters could feed him.  Then, as with now, some folks just don't have a lot of choice.

As a PP said - if a bottle-feeding mom wants to go back to breastfeeding, technically it is possible.  The "factory" is still there.  However, it would involve a great deal of time/effort - probably not worth it for a mom who is simply trying to appease disapproving friends/relatives.

Sorry, late in jumping in this.  I have the original script the doctor wrote for my mother (to my grandmother) for formula  2 cups of milk 1 1/2 cups of water and one level tablespoon of sugar.  boil 3 mins cool and strain.  give as much as babe will take after nursing 15 minutes.

Script was written Dec 2, 1931

[penguinpants]

Dear penguinpants,
I am sorry I joined this thread late. And I'm sorry you have to deal with your intrusive MIL...

(((HUGS)))

Sometimes it's so hard to be nice and polite without being stepped all over, isn't it? My MOTHER kept trying to get me to wean my baby (we're at 8 months and still going strong), and SHE VISITED EVERY WEEKEND. It's her only grandchild and she's been wanting to play grandma for ages.

I found that the best way to stop the discussion is not to engage. She would bring up weaning, and I would say "Breastfeeding is fun". She would bring up the what-is-best-for-baby-is-formula-milk topic and I would say "breastfeeding is fun!!" (even though there are times when it's not fun at all  ) She would bring up the irresponsible-mother-needy-baby topic, and I would say "Breastfeeding is FUN!!!". And since she "forgets" that she said it all already, she would bring the same topics up every week when she visited. For 6 months.

For the past two months, it's been all about stop-breastfeeding-and-feed-real-food topics. And guess what I say?

Believe me, nothing makes me more pleased (not e-hell approved, I know) than to see her so frustrated at not getting her point across. After all, if I have to suffer her lectures, why not have fun at it?

Thank you for sharing your experience! I haven't had to see her since October, but it looks like I might see her over graduation weekend, since my husband's walking. I'm sure she'll become angry with me again that I won't just leave the baby with my husband to go out shopping. Since explaining why I can't pump, why I won't use formula, will take more energy than I have, and she won't listen anyway, I think I'll adopt your tactic, if I may do so? My husband will blow a gasket, trying not to laugh.

[Sophia]

I'm quite afraid of those books that say you must make sure a baby knows he isn't centre of the universe by making him wait for food. Um, he's a BABY, he doesn't think that way. All he knows is he doesn't get what he needs and becomes anxious.

I pondered your post, but then wasn't able to figure out what thread it was in to reply.  That advice always bugged me too.  Let us pretend that my husband was temporarily immobilized and I was taking care of him.  If I said to him, "Honey, your food is available but I won't feed you right now so that you will learn you aren't the center of the universe."  Well, even knowing the message I was trying to send, he STILL won't receive it.  He'd feel angry and he'd feel that I didn't care.   Which when you think about it is exactly the message babies get. 

[LaciGirl007]

Lots of great suggestions -- thank you, everyone!  We do have a light lock on the bedroom door, so I will be sure to engage it.  I'll have to keep in mind the advice to just keep feedings private -- period -- during that weekend.  That'll be fairly easy, since Baby's problem is GERD and overexcitement causes more problems.  I'll have to take him back there, anyway, to give him a break from everyone visiting (Baptism weekend -- oy).

We had decided to exclusively breastfeed before he was born, and the GERD has just reinforced that.  We are very protective of the "supply."  DH has already informed her that folks need to stay pretty mellow when they're visiting (very small house, and next-to-no insulation in the walls between rooms); should people get too loud, or should either Baby or I become too stressed by everyone, he'll give everyone the boot.  :-D 

Everyone's suggestions will help us avoid milder forms of stress, insofar as "advice" is concerned.

P.S.  Elfmama: Yep, you're right on.  She even sent us the schedule DH's pediatrician had given her to use on him.  I almost cried when I saw it.

I decided that as well.  However, the fact that my milk never came in made me change my mind.  Statements like the bolded always rub me the wrong way, because it's not entirely up to the mom whether to exclusively breastfeed or not -- the mom's body has to cooperate as well.  You are fortunate that yours did.