Author Topic: Memorial Attire  (Read 1504 times)

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norrina

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Memorial Attire
« on: September 26, 2010, 09:51:36 PM »
Oh wise eHellions, I need your advice. Tomorrow evening I will be attending a memorial service, and I want to make sure that I dress appropriately without going overboard. The deceased is a classmate, I knew him but we were not overly close. I could open my own consignment shop with my personal wardrobe, so I thought surely I would have plenty of options to choose from, but it turns out that the vast majority of my solid, dark colors are in the form of tees or business suits. At this point I have culled two outfits that I think could work, but I'm not entirely sold on either of them.

The first option, and probably most promising, is a knee-length black shift dress with a black silk cardigan. Unfortunately, the dress is somewhat ill-fitting in the bust (I do have a 12-pack of tp in the cupboard...), but if I button one of the upper buttons of the cardigan that is not noticeable. Would this be a bit TOO subdued for a memorial service? (Also, there was a spill on the skirt, and being as there isn't time to have the dress dry cleaned I've put it in the front-load washer on the delicate cycle and am going to hope for the best. So I need a Plan B even if this is the best possible outfit.)

The second option is a black and pale pink diagonal-pinstripe skirt, black blouse, and the black silk cardigan. The dress is knee length, with a slight flare. I am concerned about the pink pinstripes. Would they be acceptable?

The third option is a plain black skirt (knee length with a slight flare) and the black cardigan, with an as-yet-undetermined blouse. I really can't wear the black blouse with this skirt because the shades of black do not work together. Are there other colors that would be acceptable?

Or perhaps I need to look in an entirely different direction altogether? I just don't know!



Shoo

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2010, 09:59:44 PM »
I don't think it's possible to be too subdued for a memorial service.  The outfit you describe, the black shift with the cardigan, sounds perfect.

Sirius

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2010, 10:01:17 PM »
I think any of the outfits you chose would be appropriate.  With the black skirt and black cardigan teal would look nice, and so would light blue if you want to be subdued.  Actually, you could wear just about any color, but stick to pastels if you want to look subdued.  This isn't the time for a hot pink form-fitting minidress.  


gramma dishes

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2010, 10:06:55 PM »
Don't concentrate too hard on trying to wear all black or even all "dark".

What's important is that the outfit doesn't have some feature that calls undo attention to you.  If it has a neckline that plunges to your navel, probably best to leave it hanging in your closet.  Same if the skirt is so short the elastic on your panties shows under the hem.
 
It's more a matter of dressing respectfully rather than a matter of dressing morbidly.  Any of the three things you've mentioned sound fine.  Remember that the memorial service isn't about you or any of the other guests.  You'll probably see people there dressed in all kinds of different clothes ranging from near formal to jeans.  The idea is just not to bring attention to yourself.

norrina

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2010, 10:58:57 PM »
Thank you everyone. The dress seems to have come through the washing okay (it's a rayon/******* blend so I had a suspicion dry cleaning was not strictly necessary), so I will go with that and some hose and "modest" black heels, and minimal jewelry and makeup.

My concern was that I would inadvertently bring attention to myself by inadvertently being over-dressed is all, so as long as that is not the case, I am happy. The dress is a high-collar neckline and hem to the knee, and I have some demure ankle-strap 2" heels that I intend to wear instead of my usual 3 1/2" pumps, so I think I should be okay respectful-wise.



gramma dishes

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2010, 11:03:18 PM »
Sounds perfect.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2010, 01:57:52 AM »
Your choice sounds fine to me.  It seems that funeral attire here anyways, has gotten away from the dark colors. As long as the outfit isn't too revealing, then it is appropriate.

Not to mention, many services these days celebrate the person's life, instead of the death. I went to one recently where the spouse of the deceased wore a dress with a pastel understated print. Her husband had suffered at the end so I feel she chose that dress as a way to be happy that he was no longer suffering. (I probably didn't explain it correctly, but I hope most of you know what I mean.)

HeebyJeebyLeebee

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #7 on: September 27, 2010, 03:00:20 PM »
Any of the 3 sound appropriate. 

For the third outfit, I think a blue, purple, or emerald green top would be nice - just no super bright colors (like lime green, scarlet red, hot pink, etc).  I think the pink pinstripe is also fine since pinstrips are so tiny.  I'm a bit concerned about the shift not fitting well in the top, so I recommend going with what fits your body best.  All black isn't necesarry - just something conservative and modest. 

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Hushabye

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #8 on: September 27, 2010, 05:07:51 PM »
Don't concentrate too hard on trying to wear all black or even all "dark".

What's important is that the outfit doesn't have some feature that calls undo attention to you.  If it has a neckline that plunges to your navel, probably best to leave it hanging in your closet.  Same if the skirt is so short the elastic on your panties shows under the hem.
 
It's more a matter of dressing respectfully rather than a matter of dressing morbidly.  Any of the three things you've mentioned sound fine.  Remember that the memorial service isn't about you or any of the other guests.  You'll probably see people there dressed in all kinds of different clothes ranging from near formal to jeans.  The idea is just not to bring attention to yourself.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.  Our nephew was stillborn last year; there were a lot of people who wore colors, even somewhat bright colors (one woman had a really nice robin's egg blue dress; for some reason I really remember her), to the funeral.  But because they were dressed respectfully, it didn't stick out.

Granny Takes a Trip

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2010, 05:13:34 PM »
Don't concentrate too hard on trying to wear all black or even all "dark".

What's important is that the outfit doesn't have some feature that calls undo attention to you.  If it has a neckline that plunges to your navel, probably best to leave it hanging in your closet.  Same if the skirt is so short the elastic on your panties shows under the hem.
 
It's more a matter of dressing respectfully rather than a matter of dressing morbidly.  Any of the three things you've mentioned sound fine.  Remember that the memorial service isn't about you or any of the other guests.  You'll probably see people there dressed in all kinds of different clothes ranging from near formal to jeans.  The idea is just not to bring attention to yourself.

I can't POD this post enough. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that at some funerals, all black would be inappropriate. Why? Because it could be construed as melodramatic(though that is unlikely, unless one wears a black veil) IME, a cobination of soft colours, greys and purples, works just as well as black. As gramma dishes says, cut is as important as colour. The only really inappropriate colour I could think of would be an unrelieved neon.
I have a thousand parents. Sadly they
Dissolve in their own virtues and recede.

norrina

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Re: Memorial Attire
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2010, 09:42:21 PM »
Thank you everyone. I am back from the memorial, it was beautifully done. A very large number of the female attendants did wear all black, though there were a few bright blouses, included those of the mother and the widow of the deceased. So I felt comfortable that what I was wearing was not calling attention to myself, and at the reception to share your condolences with the family afterwards there were so many people that the bright blouses of the family were quite helpful.