Author Topic: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel[color=black]ationship[/color] with you."  (Read 21568 times)

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skittles12

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I know this has probably been on here before but, I have a problem; I'm too nice. I end up being nice to certain men and before I know it I am being asked to go out with them in a date like situation. Or my favorite- every comment they make is in reference to us being together at some point in the future. For instance "Maybe what you are looking for is right in front of you." "I would really like to find a nice girl to go to a movie with, I'm lonely etc.etc. Wanna go see a movie?"

I try to not 'flirt' or give them any reason to believe I would go out with them but there are some guys who are persistent enough to be annoying. What is a POLITE way to say "I don't like you in that way."

I am really trying to learn how to deal with pushy people. My usual situation is to ignore and cut contact because the interaction is just so awkward. Help!

Ms_Shell

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2010, 10:38:25 PM »
My favorite way to deflect attention is to bring up my husband in every other sentence.  Of course, it doesn't always work, so at a certain point you might just need to be blunt along the lines of, "I'm not dating right now, sorry."
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Deetee

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2010, 11:06:31 PM »
In a perfect world...

The guy can ask for a date up to 3 times. BUT he doesn't say "Would you like to go to a movie sometime?" He says "Would you care to join me for the 7:00 showing of "Blush of the Lilies" next Friday?"

And three times, you can answer "Oh, sorry, I can't. I'm busy (not going out with you)"

I think it would nice to bring that back. The rejection is still definate, but a little less personal...

Other than that, I'm no help..sorry.

Noelle

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2010, 08:38:53 AM »
I think that putting them off with excuses that you are busy that night or have other plans will not stop them from continuing to try several times.  Yes, eventually they would get the message that you are not interested, but by the time they understood that, it would be hurtful and they may feel like they have been "strung along."  I think a better approach is to say that you're not at a place where you want a relationship right now and one or both of you could potentially be hurt if you were to date when you know you don't want anything serious.  Then you are rejecting relationships in general, not him as an individual.  Of course the problem with this approach is that you will seem hypocritical when you DO meet a guy you are interested in dating and they wonder what happened to "I'm not interested in a relationship"...  I guess you just cross that bridge when you come to it.

Noelle

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2010, 08:40:48 AM »
Anyone know why the words dating and relationship always show up with @ in the place of a?

tnpenguinbaby

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2010, 09:28:17 AM »
It's so they don't trigger the ad filters which would then start displaying some very strange advertisements :D 




Namárië

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2010, 09:42:52 AM »
I have this happen to me, too, and have even ended up on dates (somehow ???) that I didn't know were dates! Ugh.

I agree with Noelle that it is a waste of everyone's time to keep putting them off. But I don't think the answer is to give excuses.

Just be honest. "I'm sorry; you're a great friend/colleague/coworker/etc., but I am not interested in d@ting you." Being polite doesn't necessarily mean not hurting anyone's feelings.

Some guys will get mad and push you to date them anyway. They are jerks. Drop them.
Competence is a trap!
I mostly don't make stuff, but sometimes I do: http://initiationcreation.blogspot.com

pinkunicorn

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2010, 02:38:20 PM »
Another BTDT.

I was out with some co-workers a while back, before Honey and I became exclusive. One of the guys asked me if I wanted to go out the next night. I told him "No."

He pressed, asking why.

I told him, point blank, but in a light tone, "Because I just don't want to."

He paused, kinda chuckled a little, and said "Well, I guess there's just no arguing with that, now, is there?" and we changed the subject.
Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out!

skittles12

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2010, 07:24:07 PM »
A guy emailed me to hang out on facebook and I told him I was sorry that I was busy studying for my certification test (which was true). He sent back a snarky reply.

If I straight up say no then sometimes they go into whining and trying to talk me into it. My tactic is to lay off contact with them.

All around awkward.

Namárië

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2010, 08:35:05 AM »
It's awkward because they make it that way. I don't have any respect for men who try to whine and pressure their way into getting dates.
Competence is a trap!
I mostly don't make stuff, but sometimes I do: http://initiationcreation.blogspot.com

LadyR

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2010, 01:27:25 PM »
My favorite way to deflect attention is to bring up my husband in every other sentence.  Of course, it doesn't always work, so at a certain point you might just need to be blunt along the lines of, "I'm not d@ting right now, sorry."


That's what I do too.


skittles12

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2010, 12:44:24 PM »
amen Namárië

Sirius

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2010, 01:30:21 PM »
I never had much trouble with that even when I was single.  However, I happened to be a party to what I thought was the perfect way to handle such a situation:  I was walking out of a class, and one of the guys from the class asked one of the girls from the class out.  She said, politely, "No.  But thank you for asking."  There are times in my life I should have told people that I wouldn't have a romantic relationship with them if they were the last man on Earth, and I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Then there was the co-worker who decided it was his life's work to relieve me of my v!rginity.  I got to use some of my best "drop dead and stay there" lines on him.  The idiot would say things like, "You still a v!rgin?" in front of the whole office.  (This was way before s3xual harassment became such an issue.)  I would usually come up with a scathing put-down, he'd get laughed at by the rest of the office, and that was it.  I wasn't worried about him stalking me; he wasn't smart enough.  This was the guy who came up with the line, "You believe in the Bible, right?  We can be like Adam and Eve!"  To which I said, "I don't know about that; I think I'm smart enough not to fall for a line from a snake."  Shortly thereafter he got sent to Germany (he was military) and I daresay I wasn't mourning his passing.

JacklynHyde

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2010, 03:19:02 PM »
I was once quasi-asked out by a coworker with the charming line, "Yo, why haven't you and me hooked up yet?"  I smiled, tilted my head to one side and asked if he cared for the short answer or the long list.  I still cannot believe he insisted on the list!

AfleetAlex

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2010, 04:07:39 PM »
With the persistent jerks, you can probably be more blunt without repercussion. "I have no interest in dating you." It's the nice ones who are just socially clueless (that really do mean well) that require more finesse - or at least a more polite blunt, so to speak. There were some good suggestions by PPs.

I have used the phrase, "I prefer not to date coworkers," if it's a work situation - said nicely, of course, because it can make a work situation potentially awkward if it goes bad and I'm not comfortable risking it. But that's not everyone's policy, and many people have indeed met their future wives/husbands at work, so that's just one person's preference.  :)
I have a chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.