Author Topic: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel[color=black]ationship[/color] with you."  (Read 21346 times)

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Minmom3

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2010, 04:34:06 PM »
With the persistent jerks, you can probably be more blunt without repercussion. "I have no interest in d@ting you." It's the nice ones who are just socially clueless (that really do mean well) that require more finesse - or at least a more polite blunt, so to speak. There were some good suggestions by PPs.

I have used the phrase, "I prefer not to date coworkers," if it's a work situation - said nicely, of course, because it can make a work situation potentially awkward if it goes bad and I'm not comfortable risking it. But that's not everyone's policy, and many people have indeed met their future wives/husbands at work, so that's just one person's preference.  :)

It also depends on how large work is...  I met DH at work.  He gave me (and 15 others) my new employee orientation speech.  He worked up in HR - 7th floor.  I worked down in Financial Planning, 2nd floor.  Once we were an item, I left (for a multitude of reasons) but one of us would have had to leave entirely, as nobody in personnel can be 'with' anybody else, anywhere in the organization, as HR has access to the files.  Other than that, it would have been fine, because I would never run into him, nor him into me, in the course of our normal daily work.  Easy to avoid somebody with that large a set up, aside from the personnel tie-in.  But in small work situations, I agree that it's much the best to avoid work entanglements, as breakups can be deadly messy at the best of times, and in a small workplace, you can't avoid anybody.
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Billia

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #16 on: October 10, 2010, 02:00:14 PM »
a bit off topic but along the line of not working with co-workers..

In my workplace (a bar/restuarant/functions room) two colleagues got together. They subsequently broke up and it was messy. He cheated she dropped him straight away. He begged and pleaded and tried to get her back for months (mostly while they were at work. In a workplace like that it is impossible to avoid anyone else working. It ended in a huge blow up fight where she gave him several choice words and because they were fighting at work he got sent home. Annoyed at this, he took revenge in the form of posting some distasteful photos of her on the work computer. He no longer works there..

Raintree

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2010, 04:10:01 AM »
I think that putting them off with excuses that you are busy that night or have other plans will not stop them from continuing to try several times.  Yes, eventually they would get the message that you are not interested, but by the time they understood that, it would be hurtful and they may feel like they have been "strung along."  I think a better approach is to say that you're not at a place where you want a rel@tionship right now and one or both of you could potentially be hurt if you were to date when you know you don't want anything serious.  Then you are rejecting rel@tionships in general, not him as an individual.  Of course the problem with this approach is that you will seem hypocritical when you DO meet a guy you are interested in d@ting and they wonder what happened to "I'm not interested in a rel@tionship"...  I guess you just cross that bridge when you come to it.

I tried that, but then the guy made another attempt 6 months later. Perhaps he figured if he waited 6 months, he'd find me "ready for a relationship." I think sometimes it's better to let them know that it's THEM you are not interested in.

Winterlight

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2010, 11:44:13 AM »
I think that putting them off with excuses that you are busy that night or have other plans will not stop them from continuing to try several times.  Yes, eventually they would get the message that you are not interested, but by the time they understood that, it would be hurtful and they may feel like they have been "strung along."  I think a better approach is to say that you're not at a place where you want a rel@tionship right now and one or both of you could potentially be hurt if you were to date when you know you don't want anything serious.  Then you are rejecting rel@tionships in general, not him as an individual.  Of course the problem with this approach is that you will seem hypocritical when you DO meet a guy you are interested in d@ting and they wonder what happened to "I'm not interested in a rel@tionship"...  I guess you just cross that bridge when you come to it.

I tried that, but then the guy made another attempt 6 months later. Perhaps he figured if he waited 6 months, he'd find me "ready for a rel@tionship." I think sometimes it's better to let them know that it's THEM you are not interested in.

I agree. A flat "No, thanks," is much simpler and there's really no room for attempted negotiation.
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Only me

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #19 on: October 24, 2010, 01:18:33 AM »
Hi

One place I worked about 10 years ago, I said no to going out with one guy several times. "I'm not interested".

Then he found out I had a boyfriend and asked why I didn't tell him. My response was "Because my I'm not interested" should have sufficed. Then he got it and said "Yeah, sorry".

In other words, its ok to say no and if they persist past no "I'm not interested" is all you need to say. Kind of like I see on this board all the time "I'm sorry that won't be possible".

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2010, 03:20:05 AM »
I wonder if it would be wrong/too awkward/to blunt to go at it like this:
Guy: Wanna go out for a movie?
You: Would this be a date?

To which either he replies yes and then you tell him something along the lines of "Sorry, you're a very nice person, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now/I'm not attracted to you in *that way*", or he replies no and then you just smile and say "It's good we've set this-one straight".

A more subtle way would be:
Guy: Wannna go out for a movie?
You: Great idea. We could call up some other folks from our workplace/common group/any common friends and go all together.

By this you're signaling you deffinitely don't think of going out with him as a date. If he says something like "I'd much rather go with you alone" then he clearly means it as a date and you can tell him  "Sorry, you're a very nice person, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now/I'm not attracted to you in *that way*"

If you are in a relationship/engaged/married, mentioning in a very appreciative way your boyfriend/fiance/husband every other sentence works pretty well too... (Worked for me a few times, when I was in a relationship ;) )
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sbtier

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What's impolite about "I don't like you in that way."? 


Twik

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Re: "There is no chance I would ever have a romantic rel@tionship with you."
« Reply #22 on: January 22, 2011, 06:23:55 PM »
A more subtle way would be:
Guy: Wannna go out for a movie?
You: Great idea. We could call up some other folks from our workplace/common group/any common friends and go all together.

Unfortunately, subtle doesn't work with a lot of people. And the guys who don't get subtle are often the ones you don't want to date. If they did get "subtle", they might be more attractive.
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Chip2

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What's impolite about "I don't like you in that way."?

Absolutely nothing.  As one of the socially awkward (but hopefully nice) guys out there, this is exactly the type of response that wouldn't hurt my feelings.  Well, at least for more than a few minutes. :-[

I accidently asked my wife out while running a large copy job.  Her desk was by the nuclear powered assault copier (seriously, the thing had a footprint like an aircraft carrier!) and I was talking about going to the MD RenFest on the upcoming weekend.  After a few minutes of her grilling me about the details I headed back to my desk.  An Older Coworker came up, smacked on the back of the head, and told me FutureWife wanted me to take her the RenFest.  "No way!" was this geek's reply.

I spent a couple of hours working up the courage, but OC short-circuited the process and talked directly to FW, who in turn stopped by and asked me to take her to the RenFest.  Once I got over actually being out with a RealLiveGirl! we ended up having a pretty good time.

Moral of the story:  treat the geeky guys (at least the nice ones) with polite honesty.  We appreciate it.  Oh, and don't be afraid to give us a try.  ;D

BeagleMommy

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I actually had to use the "I don't like you in that way" line with a friend of my brother.  It worked and no feelings were hurt.

The best one I used was at a nightclub when DH and I were only engaged.  I was visiting him for a long weekend.  As soon as he went to the restroom a man very much my senior (I was 21 he had to be about 65) approached and asked me to dance.  This same man had been hitting on every girl in the club and only the drunk ones would dance with him.  The conversation went:

Him:  Wanna dance?
Me:  No thank you.
Him:  I'm a good dancer
Me:  I'm here with someone.
Him:  Why won't you just dance with me?
Me:  Because I don't dance with men who are older than my father. (Dad was 40 something at the time).

He left.

Nora

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Chip2: if you replace "Renfest" with "Bluesclub" then that is pretty much how DH and I got our start 9 years ago!  If our OC had never mentioned to me that DH was afraid to ask me out, I would have continued to believe he simply did not like me "in that way".

Yay for meddling coworkers! ;D
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Shopaholic

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When I was younger, and faced with this problem, I'd just answer with "Thank you, but I'm not interested." With a nice smile.

Repeated as necessary. Men where I live are quite persistent.

"But why?"
"Thanks, not interested."
"But really, why?"
"Thank you, I'm not interested."
"Why not?"
"Not interested, thank you. Have a nice day."

Auntie Mame

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Moral of the story:  treat the geeky guys (at least the nice ones) with polite honesty.  We appreciate it.  Oh, and don't be afraid to give us a try.  ;D

I have always loved the geeky boys, probably because i'm a geeky girl.  I screwed up my courage and asked BF out for our first date.  I knew he would be to shy to ask me and I didn't want to let him get away ;)

I think he fell in love with me when I turned to him one day (after he had mentioned something about spice, and kept using the word spice) and said to him "Tell me about the waters of your homeworld Usul".
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jedikaiti

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A bit OT, but reminds me of when me (geeky) and BF (mildly geeky first got together. We'd gone out a couple of times, but I wasn't too sure if they were "dates" or "Dates". He finally smacked me over the head with a clue-by-four by holding my hand at the planetarium.

In retrospect, him driving from his home to mine (about 45 min away) to pick me up, then about an hour and a half back past his home to the dealership where I was picking up my new car, before he had to go to work for the evening, really should have been a BIG HINT. :D And that was the second or third "d/Date" we'd been on.
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