Author Topic: Gift giving conundrum  (Read 1374 times)

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Cutenoob

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Gift giving conundrum
« on: December 01, 2010, 12:46:08 PM »
Situation:  My honey and I live together.  We have a few family members close, and a baby.  I actually make about twice what he does for pay. 

I am wondering if it would be tacky to send gifts to rellies and such that are more elaborate/newer than him.  He's also super hard headed.  Currently we shop separately, he gets stuff for his people and I get stuff for mine. If I gave him money (more than he's got, to go shopping) he'd get pretty upset.

I'm looking at this like: Hm. Ive got a few bucks to burn, but I don't want to look better than him or start a feud...but I don't really want to shop at thrift stores unless I have to; I can afford the new stuff.

How can I do this without being tacky?

amylouky

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2010, 01:09:37 PM »
So.. you're not sending gifts to the same people? He does his friends/family and you do yours? If so, I'd get whatever I normally would for mine, and let him do the same.
If they're joint gifts though (both names on the card) or the gifts will be given at the same time, I'd maybe make sure that they were more equal. Maybe you could start a new tradition, pool both of your money, and shop together this year?

crashn2me

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2010, 01:18:13 PM »
My husband and I had a very similar situation when we first got together.  Actually, in some ways, it's still similar.  Our solution was to make a list of gifts for family/extended family & decide how much we would spend on each person or family.  We would then pool our money & shop together.  This way it was less about how much was being spent by me or by him and more about picking a gift for a loved one.  We made sure to budget similar amounts for each person of the same "rank" (i.e. my mom & his mom, etc.)  We would budget for this the same as the other expenses.  Once we came up with the budget we would split it by salary.  I made 2x as much money, so I paid 2/3 of the budget & he paid 1/3.  This worked very well for us and felt very "fair."

We had so much fun those first years shopping for everyone.  I learned so much about his family from my husband's suggestions for gifts and it was just plain fun to shop together. 


high dudgeon

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2010, 01:29:44 PM »
What's a rellie?

If you're giving gifts to two separate groups of people, you guys can just keep doing what you're doing now. But if there are people who are on both your lists, I'd try to give those people a joint present from both of you. Is he resistant to joint presents or pooling your gift funds?

Addy

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2010, 01:55:33 PM »
Rellie=relative, or so I assume.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2010, 02:04:04 PM »
If you're living together, I'd be sending one gift from the two of you, at somewhere between your two contributions.  If you're giving to completely separate people, dont worry about the disparity. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Cutenoob

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2010, 02:22:25 PM »
There are 6 people/families we both give to.  There are a few people on my side that I give to, and I think there's a few people on his side that are his.

I'll propose a pooling or an expense limit for the 6 in common we deal with, and ask him if he's ok with that.  His biggest complaint at the moment is that he is so broke he's got 5 bucks and pocket lint. 
I'm not hurting for money, and it's taken about a month for him to "give" me a few bills.  He used to pay internet, but I'm taking that over.  We used to split electricity, but it's on me now.  I'm going to pay a little bit more than my half on the car insurance, so it lightens his load. And we are both pitching in for child care.   I want to say that it's pure pride that holds him back on me pitching in more. I DID propose a 2/3 -1/3 split between both of us for bills a few months ago - but his pride hackles went up and he balked like a 2 year old.

Really, I do make efforts to not remind him that I'm getting paid a bit more, and he's been really good about accepting it overall.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Gift giving conundrum
« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2010, 02:26:09 PM »
Hmm, how about dealing witht this by fronting him the $ - just say "You'll pay for this, but I recognize it's a hard time for you right now, so let me front it, and you can pay me back when it's a more flush time for you. This way, you're still paying for these things, but I can also be a good gf and help you out in the meantime."  ;)

Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou