MIL may be coming, I bet NOT ! Update, post 27, final update #45

[FauxFoodist]

He is VERY thrifty to the point I would call him cheap, so the trip from his city to hers is around $40 - I'm paying $300 and now an additional $30 for the change.

Maybe this is exactly what you should say, basically, "So, I've spent $300 to fly you out here, and he wants me to spend an additional $30 to change the ticket so he'll only have to spend $40?"

[Kaypeep]

No good deed goes unpunished.  You've worked hard to get this woman to visit your kids and you're footing the bill the whole time.  She tried to back out and you worked harder to keep the plans so your kids weren't disappointed.  She finally relents and now wants more favors??  SIGH...  This woman sounds exhausting.

I'd pay it because I bet she's going to use it as an excuse not to come then.  ("If you can't afford $30 to change my ticket, how can you afford to host me for the visit??? I'll just stay home!")

But consider it a $30 lesson in not pushing her to visit you again if she truly doesn't want to, for whatever reason.  All this aggravation does not seem worth it at all.

[Sabbyfrog2]

No good deed goes unpunished.  You've worked hard to get this woman to visit your kids and you're footing the bill the whole time.  She tried to back out and you worked harder to keep the plans so your kids weren't disappointed.  She finally relents and now wants more favors??  SIGH...  This woman sounds exhausting.

I'd pay it because I bet she's going to use it as an excuse not to come then.  ("If you can't afford $30 to change my ticket, how can you afford to host me for the visit??? I'll just stay home!")

But consider it a $30 lesson in not pushing her to visit you again if she truly doesn't want to, for whatever reason.  All this aggravation does not seem worth it at all.

I disagree. Oh I agree that she might use that as an excuse to not come visit for exactly what you said but I don't agree that OP should make that her problem.
I would simply state, "No. I paid for your ticket so that you could come and visit your grandchildren for the Holiday. If you and cousin want a visit then you two should work something out for yourselves.  I will see you at the airport on XX date to pick you up for your visit here." Repeat as necessary.
Or I would say "So let me make sure I understand this. You want me to spend MORE money so you can fly to someone else's home for a visit? You claimed you didn't have the money to visit us so you almost cancelled and cost me $300 bucks but you have the money to visit cousin? What's changed?" She will either back down or confess. The latter is perhaps not the most polite but IMO when it's your money being spent and your life being inconvenienced, your allowed a little leeway. 

[heartmug]

No way.  No way!  You have done more than enough for her.  Does she have something she can pawn to come up with that money?  You are not an ATM.

[JeanFromBNA]

snip

I would simply state, "No. I paid for your ticket so that you could come and visit your grandchildren for the Holiday. If you and cousin want a visit then you two should work something out for yourselves.  I will see you at the airport on XX date to pick you up for your visit here." Repeat as necessary.

snip

This is perfect.  If you want to soften it a little you might preface it by saying "I'm sorry that won't be possible, but . . . "

[CeeBee]

About halfway through page 1, I decided my response to her behaviour would be "Fine, suit yourself, don't come then. Bye!" <hangup>

aaaaaand... I haven't changed my mind.

This is not your responsibility. If your DD's are old enough to be at/think about going to college they are old enough to understand that Grandma is a flake and that her behavior has absolutely no bearing on you whatsoever.
Quite frankly, I would have drop kicked this person out of my life a long time ago. I have no patience with people like this. At all. 

[MindsEye]

I would simply state, "No. I paid for your ticket so that you could come and visit your grandchildren for the Holiday. If you and cousin want a visit then you two should work something out for yourselves.  I will see you at the airport on XX date to pick you up for your visit here." Repeat as necessary.

I might even add a line to the effect of... "You need to know that this is the last time that I will do anything to facilitate a visit between you and your grandchildren.  If you make any kind of excuse at all and cancel on coming then there will be no more chances to visit ever."

[Sophia]

So, it costs $30 to get from his city to her city.  Presumably it also costs $30 to get from her city to his.  So, theoretically, she could return to her city as originally planned.  Then cousin could pay $30 to get her to his city, plus the $30 he already plans on spending to get her home.  Instead of $30 from cousin, RedneckGravy is supposed to spend $40.  Then to add insult to injury, she doesn't even get any benefit from it.  Sounds like a perfect time for, "Why would I want to do that?"

[rhirhi]

Have you kept your DDs up to date on what is going on? I know it probably sounds harsh to tell them about all of her excuses, but it might be a bit worse if they think all is going great and things are handled and then the week of find out 'GMa cancelled, so sorry'

[MamaMootz]

I'm still trying to get past the fact that she doesn't have enough money to come and see you, her PJ's are ratty and on and on but these same standards don't apply to cousin?

Why?

And I would not be changing the ticket.

[Really?]

Hi RedNeck Gravy,

Didn't I read somewhere that you had already told her there are no changes to the tickets or non refundable? If you have you can simply tell her that?

Onlyme

[Evil Duckie]

I would not change the ticket. I would tell MIL that it was not possible.

It seems to me that she is looking to: A- have a reason not to go, B- have you fund a family tour vacation for her, C- make you prove that you really want her and are willing to do anything to get her to come or D- a combination of any and all of these.

[Redneck Gravy]

Hi RedNeck Gravy,

Didn't I read somewhere that you had already told her there are no changes to the tickets or non refundable? If you have you can simply tell her that?

Onlyme

When Grandma & Cousin spoke about something else this trip came into the discussion.  Cousin said, "since you are going to be flying anyway, how about a stop off here?"  Grandma called the airlines to ask about the change and was told it would be about $30 plus cost of final flight home. 

Grandma calls Cousin and he says he will pay for final flight.  So Grandma calls me and says please change my ticket.  She doesn't mention the $30 to me until I call her back and say, "it's another $30 to change the ticket to this new arrangement" and she says, "yes, I know." 

No offer to pay the difference or have cousin pay, she just expects me to pay.  The airline won't let anyone else make changes to the ticket since I "own" the ticket even though it is in her name.

Bottom line: I'm going to pay the difference da*nit - but remind me in the future that this is the LAST time I get caught up in this bs.

[goldilocks]

That is probably best - sometimes you just have to suck it up.  For some reason, she doesn't really want to come - and it may have nothing to do with loving her grandkids.   Older people often get into a routine/rut, and do NOT want to change it for any reason.  And are often afraid to be away from home. 

Every time my mother is away from home visiting my brother or or her sister, she seems to always get sick and wind up in the hospital.

[Lisbeth]

So from now on, tell your children that if they want to see their Grandma, they'll have to save up for and shell out the cash to visit her.  She's made it very clear that she doesn't care to visit them (you don't have to repeat this).  And if by some weird occurrence she does want to come again in the future, tell her that it won't be possible for you to deal with her travel arrangements.