showing up visibly pregnant

[Aggiesque]

So, DH and I are expecting baby 2. Is it in any way rude to wait until thanksgiving to announce it (well, I know that isn't), and just show up at dinner visibly pregnant? DH thinks it would be fun, so do I, but I'm wondering if there is anything I'm missing in the idea. We don't see our family often enough that we'll be seeing anyone until then; just over phone and email.

[Kimblee]

I dunno, but I'm curious.

I've alwasy planned that when I get pregnant I will not announce it at all, just confirm if anyone asks and eventually show up with Baby. Too many women in our family use their pregnancies to manipulate.

[kareng57]

Of course there's nothing wrong with waiting till you are "visible" to announce it.  Many people like to wait until the first trimester is over, in any case.

But I respectfully disagree with a PP regarding waiting until people ask.  For the most part, polite people will not do that - though they could be asking among themselves whether anyone knows anything.

[Shoo]

I'm not sure about this.  It's probably not rude, but how will your family members feel?  The people you interact with on a daily basis will probably know about your pregnancy, whether by you telling them or just figuring it out.  I'd worry that my mom, or my sister, or whoever I am closest to, would feel bad about finding out after people who may not mean as much to you.

[gramma dishes]

Personally I think it would be great fun to surprise your family at Thanksgiving. 

However, I also agree with the point made by Shoo.  If your neighbors, coworkers, friends, etc. have figured it out in the meantime, it might hurt some feelings a little for your family(ies) to figure out that they were among the "last to know".

[Kimblee]

Of course there's nothing wrong with waiting till you are "visible" to announce it.  Many people like to wait until the first trimester is over, in any case.

But I respectfully disagree with a PP regarding waiting until people ask.  For the most part, polite people will not do that - though they could be asking among themselves whether anyone knows anything.

That's the thing. I'd like to NOT be asked, anyone who i want near me will be told.

[katycoo]

I would love to do this, I hate announcements.  But my Mum would be crushed if I kept something like that from her.

Also, I don't live far away. And it would be my first pregnancy...

[Brentwood]

When my sister had her first, we found out via email: She sent a picture of her pregnant self, side view, without caption.

She was showing pretty well, so I'll assume her coworkers knew before I did (she lives several states away from any family members), but it never even occurred to me to wonder about that at the time. It doesn't bother me.

[hot_shaker]

Hmm, not rude but potentially awkward, perhaps?  What's your reasoning for not telling people ahead of time?  Is it that you don't like having to announce your big news to individual relatives?

Here's how I seet this going down: You walk in visibly pregnant (How visible do you mean, btw?  Like "4 months and she could be pregnant or perhaps she had one too many cookies since we last saw her" or "9 months and I really hope there's a baby in there"?).  Your polite relatives will wonder amongst themselves and maybe make hints ("Oh, anything new with you two lately?") but will not ask outright if you're pregnant.  Which means that you still have to make the rounds and do a lot of announcing.  

It just seems easier to tell the most gossipy relative a few weeks ahead of time and let the grapevine do it's work.  That saves you the burden of having to announce your pregnancy, possibly multiple times, and will save the polite relative from having to restrain themselves.  

I remember having this conversation with a co-worker several years ago.  She wanted/needed to tell people but it's not like she wanted to stand up at lab meeting and announce that she was pregnant.  At her request I, and a couple of others, spread the word for her.

[Brentwood]

I remember having this conversation with a co-worker several years ago.  She wanted/needed to tell people but it's not like she wanted to stand up at lab meeting and announce that she was pregnant.  At her request I, and a couple of others, spread the word for her.

You've reminded me of when I was pregnant with Kayla. I worked in a very small department of all women, and had told my boss and the others in my department about my pregnancy. I hadn't yet announced it to our larger group in general. At nearly 6 months, I started wearing maternity clothes. A man from one of our sister departments came in one day, looked at my clothes, and said, "So, Gundy. You got a bun in the oven, or what?"

That's how the news got spread that day.

[kareng57]

Personally I think it would be great fun to surprise your family at Thanksgiving. 

However, I also agree with the point made by Shoo.  If your neighbors, coworkers, friends, etc. have figured it out in the meantime, it might hurt some feelings a little for your family(ies) to figure out that they were among the "last to know".

Well, IMO, "figuring it out" is not really the same as announcing. Perhaps Expectant Mom has generally been in the habit of joining co-workers for a drink after work every Friday.  Most of the time she's gone for a cocktail but has suddenly been ordering club soda or a virgin-cocktail.  They might have a pretty good idea but it would certainly be rude for any co-workers to do any guess-work and ask.

Of course there can also be work-safety concerns i.e. if a pregnant employee might be working if possibly hazardous substances.  In that case, the decisions would be for her immediate supervisor and perhaps a safety officer within the company.  In my own case - I was a medical laboratory technologist who occasionally had to perform tests using isotopes.  A co-worker who was pregnant the year before had requested exemption from doing this procedure - it was her decision, I'm not arguing it at all.  But when I became pregnant (after Lots of medical intervention) - I asked the OB about this.  He admitted that he didn't know a whole lot about it himself, and (while I was there at the appointment) he phoned the radiologist who was in charge of Nuclear Medicine at the affiliated hospital.  The specialist verified that I'd have to be just about drinking the stuff for it to be of any risk.  So I was okay with still doing the test, though I certainly respected by co-worker's decision otherwise.  She immediately made it known, I waited.

[anonymoose]

So, DH and I are expecting baby 2. Is it in any way rude to wait until thanksgiving to announce it (well, I know that isn't), and just show up at dinner visibly pregnant? DH thinks it would be fun, so do I, but I'm wondering if there is anything I'm missing in the idea. We don't see our family often enough that we'll be seeing anyone until then; just over phone and email.

I really like this, if you're sure they live far enough away the news won't travel before you I would do it!

[hot_shaker]

I remember having this conversation with a co-worker several years ago.  She wanted/needed to tell people but it's not like she wanted to stand up at lab meeting and announce that she was pregnant.  At her request I, and a couple of others, spread the word for her.

You've reminded me of when I was pregnant with Kayla. I worked in a very small department of all women, and had told my boss and the others in my department about my pregnancy. I hadn't yet announced it to our larger group in general. At nearly 6 months, I started wearing maternity clothes. A man from one of our sister departments came in one day, looked at my clothes, and said, "So, Gundy. You got a bun in the oven, or what?"

That's how the news got spread that day.

Another co-worker just started wearing baggier clothes as she progressed in her pregnancy.  Eventually, one of the older ladies discreetly pulled her aside and told her that it might be time to start telling people.  (Most of us in the lab were fairly young and weren't really savvy enough to equate a shift to baggy clothes with hiding a pregnancy.)  Presumably the older woman wanted to prevent her from getting awkward questions like yours. 

[miranova]

I think this is a "know your audience" thing.  Strictly speaking, I would not say it is rude.  But some people's feelings might be hurt that they were the last to know, as others have said.  Or maybe not.  It just depends on the personalities of the people involved.  Not that them being hurt means that you were rude.  But you might not want to hurt people you care about.  I'd think about how the people involved might react.

[Lisbeth]

Hard to say...I agree with miranova that it's a "know your audience" thing.  Some people aren't going to want to be surprised.

It also depends on the circumstances...I think this is not an appropriate thing to do at a wedding, for example.  I remember reading once about a bride's father who showed up with his new wife who was seven months pregnant as a surprise for the bride.  It didn't go over well.