Author Topic: showing up visibly pregnant  (Read 4718 times)

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mamakinz

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2010, 01:04:16 AM »
From someone who basically did this exact same thing - go for it!!!  In my case, I found out I was preg at the end of July, after having some major medical issues including surgery. My parents were having Thanksgiving at their house that year (it rotated among my mom and her 5 siblings). We didn't keep it from everyone though - our parents knew and both my sibs knew - it was just my Aunts, Uncles and cousins that found out on Thanksgiving. Both my grandmothers knew - 1 lived with my parents and 1 visited in september when I was living on saltine crackers. It was a fun surprise, and noone seemed offended that I kept it secret until then

high dudgeon

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2010, 09:21:44 AM »
I'm on the "not rude but potentially awkward" bandwagon. It's your body and your baby and your business. If you didn't want to mention it until you had a babe in arms, it wouldn't be rude. And many people want to wait to tell family members face to face instead of over the phone. On the other hand, there's no guarantee that their feelings aren't going to be hurt that you didn't tell them sooner, as people frequently feel entitled to this information, even if they really aren't entitled to it.

hot_shaker

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2010, 09:56:31 AM »
From someone who basically did this exact same thing - go for it!!!  In my case, I found out I was preg at the end of July, after having some major medical issues including surgery. My parents were having Thanksgiving at their house that year (it rotated among my mom and her 5 siblings). We didn't keep it from everyone though - our parents knew and both my sibs knew - it was just my Aunts, Uncles and cousins that found out on Thanksgiving. Both my grandmothers knew - 1 lived with my parents and 1 visited in september when I was living on saltine crackers. It was a fun surprise, and noone seemed offended that I kept it secret until then

Would you mind explaining why you chose this route and what the actual event was like?  Did walk in a say "Hey, everybody, I'm pregnant!"?  Did you quietly make the rounds and tell individuals or small groups?  Or did you wait for people to ask (thus encouraging rude behavior)? 

I'm having a hard time envisioning this turning out positively and would appreciate the insight. :)

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MommyPenguin

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2010, 10:50:03 AM »
I think whether people will ask can depend on the woman's build.  For instance, it's *very* obvious that I'm pregnant and haven't gained weight.  So when I'm pregnant, nobody ever seems to hesitate to congratulate me without an announcement.  If I tried to do something like the OP said, it would go like this:

I enter the room.  Several not-shy aunts start to say, "Hi!" and then see the tummy.  Immediately there are squeals of delight, "You're pregnant!" and I am converged upon.  Everybody else overhears and anybody who would have hesitated to say something (especially men) are in the clear because I've responded appropriately to the initial yay-you're-pregnant aunts.  So it would be fine.  However, some of it depends on how obvious it is that you're pregnant, and whether you have any friendly female relatives who are likely to blurt it out.  Of course, I've never gone this route, I'm more the type to tell everybody in all neighboring states about the moment that it's been confirmed by the doctor.

Sheila Take a Bow

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #19 on: October 08, 2010, 11:37:48 AM »
Would you mind explaining why you chose this route and what the actual event was like?  Did walk in a say "Hey, everybody, I'm pregnant!"?  Did you quietly make the rounds and tell individuals or small groups?  Or did you wait for people to ask (thus encouraging rude behavior)? 

I'm having a hard time envisioning this turning out positively and would appreciate the insight. :)

Yeah, I'm curious, too.  In my family, if someone were visibly pregnant and hadn't told people about it, no one would say anything about it.  (I was raised not to mention pregnancy until the pregnant woman said something first.)  People would assume that there's a reason the pregnancy was being kept quiet and wouldn't want to bother the mother-to-be with questions or offer congratulations in case the baby is not seen as good news.

But maybe I'm just in a pessimistic family.  YMMV.   :)

WillyNilly

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #20 on: October 08, 2010, 12:02:13 PM »
Well in my family it would be rude-ish... but that's because we're a buncha drunkards (meant in the most fun loving way), and everything is celebrated with a toast.  So just showing up preggers would mean the hosts A) probably stocked up on your favorite drink just for you and B) would feel terrible not having a bottle of sparkling cider to offer you during a congratulatory toast.  Although I guess B could easily be solved by the pregnant woman/couple bringing a bottle of toast-appropriate beverage with them.

Other then that, I think its fine.  It seems like a very efficient way to get the news out - just announce it once, when everyone is in one room.  Because again from my perspective it'd be easy - as the wine was being poured, a hand over the glass would be enough to prompt a "what'a  ya knocked up?" visible belly or not.
 ;D

Judah

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #21 on: October 08, 2010, 12:57:24 PM »
I basically did this with my first.  My pregnancy was an unhappy surprise and I couldn't bear to tell anyone other than my sister, so I just didn't.  It wasn't until I couldn't hide it anymore that I told my mom.  Mom may have been hurt that I didn't tell her, but she was gracious enough not to show it. 

It isn't rude to not share your news, but it may have relationship ramifications.
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Brentwood

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #22 on: October 08, 2010, 02:44:28 PM »
I think whether people will ask can depend on the woman's build.  For instance, it's *very* obvious that I'm pregnant and haven't gained weight. 

Me too...in the incident I cited above, it was quite obvious that I was, indeed, pregnant. I'm sure people at work speculated long before I confirmed it, but no one was quite as blunt about it as that coworker. ;)

LadyR

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #23 on: October 08, 2010, 04:54:22 PM »
Well in my family it would be rude-ish... but that's because we're a buncha drunkards (meant in the most fun loving way), and everything is celebrated with a toast.  So just showing up preggers would mean the hosts A) probably stocked up on your favorite drink just for you and B) would feel terrible not having a bottle of sparkling cider to offer you during a congratulatory toast.  Although I guess B could easily be solved by the pregnant woman/couple bringing a bottle of toast-appropriate beverage with them.

Other then that, I think its fine.  It seems like a very efficient way to get the news out - just announce it once, when everyone is in one room.  Because again from my perspective it'd be easy - as the wine was being poured, a hand over the glass would be enough to prompt a "what'a  ya knocked up?" visible belly or not.
 ;D

That's our family too. We're TTC right now and I told DH his family will figure it out pretty soon after we get pregnant because wine flows like water at family get togethers.

I don't think it's rude though, this is the sort of news best told in person.


Aggiesque

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #24 on: October 09, 2010, 12:25:01 PM »
Thank you for all the insights!

For me, it'll be obvious- I'm very thin, generally, and carry out front, nothing on the sides. My body is already starting to change- not enough you can tell with clothes- but it's looking like I'll carry similarly this time.

I know it won't bother any of the family not to be first to know- they won't care in the least! We know we won't be traveling up there until Thanksgiving, and I would like to let them know in person (then the matriarch can call any other family). I think we are leaning toward doing this!
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mamakinz

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #25 on: October 09, 2010, 02:34:06 PM »
Would you mind explaining why you chose this route and what the actual event was like?  Did walk in a say "Hey, everybody, I'm pregnant!"?  Did you quietly make the rounds and tell individuals or small groups?  Or did you wait for people to ask (thus encouraging rude behavior)? 

I'm having a hard time envisioning this turning out positively and would appreciate the insight. :)

Yeah, I'm curious, too.  In my family, if someone were visibly pregnant and hadn't told people about it, no one would say anything about it.  (I was raised not to mention pregnancy until the pregnant woman said something first.)  People would assume that there's a reason the pregnancy was being kept quiet and wouldn't want to bother the mother-to-be with questions or offer congratulations in case the baby is not seen as good news.

But maybe I'm just in a pessimistic family.  YMMV.   :)

Ok, I'll try to explain - the surgery that I had right before I got pregnant had the potential of making it "not possible" to get pregnant "ever" and my family knew that.  I got very lucky and got pregnant 3 months after the surgery - as soon as we started trying again (had been trying the year before discovering I needed the surgery) The first trimester was "touch and go" - I had some early spotting and didn't want to say anything until my first trimester was over anyways "just in case" things didn't stick.   

Thanksgiving weekend occurred when I was 16 weeks pregnant - so just past my first trimester.  Part of wanting to keep it quiet until then was a very selfish desire for attention - if I had said something earlier, or let the news just "leak out" I wouldn't have gotten the positive "yippee" congratulations, as my aunts & uncles live quite a distance from us (my mom is the only sib in our state) and only see them a couple times a year.

On thanksgiving I wore a very obviously maternity shirt (even though I didn't have much belly)  and when I walked in after everyone got there I made a big announcement!!!  It was a lot of fun - and being pregnant at that time was very important to me - knowing that the choice was almost taken away from me made it even better!!!  My dad (ever the comedienne) had to joke and act shocked, like he didn't know -- it was typical dad and very funny.

My parents did know -- actually mom knew before the positive preg test, due to me calling her asking "how early can morning sickness start?" (the answer - 2 weeks post conception, before you are "late")  My sister & brother knew and both of my grandmothers knew.  It was basically only a big announcement, and kept secret to my extended family (mom is the oldest of 6 - and 5 were at thanksgiving that year) the one uncle that wasn't able to come, called mom's house the night before and I told him then.

Hmmmmm

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Re: showing up visibly pregnant
« Reply #26 on: October 10, 2010, 12:15:24 PM »
Thank you for all the insights!

For me, it'll be obvious- I'm very thin, generally, and carry out front, nothing on the sides. My body is already starting to change- not enough you can tell with clothes- but it's looking like I'll carry similarly this time.

I know it won't bother any of the family not to be first to know- they won't care in the least! We know we won't be traveling up there until Thanksgiving, and I would like to let them know in person (then the matriarch can call any other family). I think we are leaning toward doing this!

I agree it is a know your audience issue and the timing.  My family would be fine if Thanksgiving was 4 months into the pregnancy, but if it was 8 months, then there would be some hurt feelings.  The other issue would be my DH's family.  If it were my DH's family, his mom would be hurt to find out at the sametime as the extended family so I'd tell her before arriving and let her be in on the secret and surprise.