Forum Administration > Forum Announcements

Offering unwanted advice or perspectives

(1/13) > >>

Granny Takes a Trip:

I want to make clear from the outset that I am not calling any one person out. However, I h4ave seen a trend here recently for someone asking advice about a specific issue, and being told that this issue is not worth bothering about. This strikes me as rather rude.

To clarify, I am not talking about the type of question which goes along the lines of 'I was walking along without shoes pushing my shopping cart, reading a book which I had bought for my best friend but was reading myself first, when I bumped into someone wearing shoes who had parked their shopping cart and had wrapped their book. We started yelling at each other. Who was rude?'

I mean the type of question where someone feels genuinely hurt and slighted, and wants to find a solution. Several people offer a solution, say four people. The fifth person breaks in with 'but that wasn't rude. You should just get over it.'  That strikes me as inappropriate, all the more so because of the maxim 'The OP has no control over the thread'. That last rule is in place to prevent people merely seeking for validation, so it is necessary. But I do feel that it can go to far the other way, and that people take that to mean that anyone can just crash a thread with opinions that might not be either helpful or relevant. Thoughts?

MaggieB:
I do see where you're coming from, and I agree that this can be done in a rude way.  But when someone posts asking for advice, they're opening themselves up to advice from people with all different perspectives.

If someone posts "Someone in my life did [something] and it bothered me.  Can I call them on it?" it is valid for another poster to say "Honestly, I think you are being a little sensitive and could cause damage to the relationship/your reputation/whatever if you do what you're proposing/what PPs have suggested."  Sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture when you feel hurt or slighted, so it's reasonable for posters to point out when they think someone is overreacting to something that wasn't actually rude.  Again, this should always be done politely.  We really can't limit responses to only those that support the OP.  That would really defeat the purpose of a discussion board.

I think it is just the nature of the internet, and discussion boards in particular, that when you put something out there it is going to get commented on.  We can take what we find value in and ignore what we don't.

Granny Takes a Trip:

--- Quote from: MaggieB on October 10, 2010, 06:29:28 AM ---I do see where you're coming from, and I agree that this can be done in a rude way.  But when someone posts asking for advice, they're opening themselves up to advice from people with all different perspectives.

If someone posts "Someone in my life did [something] and it bothered me.  Can I call them on it?" it is valid for another poster to say "Honestly, I think you are being a little sensitive and could cause damage to the rel@tionship/your reputation/whatever if you do what you're proposing/what PPs have suggested."  Sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture when you feel hurt or slighted, so it's reasonable for posters to point out when they think someone is overreacting to something that wasn't actually rude.  Again, this should always be done politely.  We really can't limit responses to only those that support the OP.  That would really defeat the purpose of a discussion board.

I think it is just the nature of the internet, and discussion boards in particular, that when you put something out there it is going to get commented on.  We can take what we find value in and ignore what we don't.

--- End quote ---
i

I  do see what you're saying. However, I was not talking about the exact situation that you describe (apologies, I had a feeling I wasn't expressing myself very well). I meant nore in a situation where someone was looking for solid advice about how to deal with rudeness, rather than a 'I might be being oversensitive, was this rude?'. I do agree that if someone asked for advice, and then everyone advised them that they were making too much of it, then no harm no foul. But I mean the sort of situation where a few people have actually posted practical advice, and then someone else steps in saying that the OP needs to 'get over it'. That strikes me as rude. If an OP has asked for valid advice, and several people have been supportive , and offered consrtuctive advice, I think that the naysayer would be better to keep their opinions to themself. But I do agree with you that the issue has many variables.

sweetgirl:
Is it the same topic I saw? Because I was offended by a comment on somebodies behalf and being told they were a "worrier" based on other topics from other threads.

Granny Takes a Trip:

--- Quote from: sweetgirl on October 10, 2010, 09:25:27 AM ---Is it the same topic I saw? Because I was offended by a comment on somebodies behalf and being told they were a "worrier" based on other topics from other threads.

--- End quote ---

That is exactly the sort of thing I mean (though I'd prefer to keep it non-specific, as I don't want to call out any one thread or poster. Plus, it is a trend, so it's not as if only one person does it). You raise a good point, though. Very generally speaking, I think it is rude to reference other threads too much, though it can be really hard not to. There are some cases where it is almost inevitable that other threads will be mentioned, but I find that threads which heavily reference other threads have a nasty tendency to go south.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version