Author Topic: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?  (Read 47079 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« on: October 11, 2010, 06:56:13 PM »
There's another mom I know as sort of an friendly acquaintance in that we tend to chat in the mornings after dropping our kids off at school, then at 9am we go about our separate ways.   Last spring she got a job working in the cafeteria and started suggesting I look into job openings at the school.   Well I hadn't indicated an interest in finding a job for myself, just said "That would be a cool job" when she mentioned that position.   She said "Oh well I think there's another opening, you should apply!"   I said "Oh no thanks, I'm not looking for work now, just doing the stay at home mom thing until the kids are old enough to stay at home by themselves for a couple hours..."

Well ever since then, everytime she sees a job opening at the school, she tells me about it, saying "Well it'll give you something to do during the day and extra money, right?"   Um, I'm not exactly sitting around eating bonbons all day, I knit, I go out and do errands or go shopping for things it's not convenient to take little boys along to.   I volunteer in their classes when the teachers need me, clean, laundry, stuff like that and I really like my time at home to get things done or just have some time to myself while they're in school and DH is working.   

Today she came up to me while we were waiting for our children to be let out saying in a "Aren't kids funny?" tone that DS1 told me "All mom does all day is sit around and watch tv and email with her friend."  And she suggested I go get an application to work at the school.    ::) 

What would you do?  I laughed and said "Isn't it funny how kids think they know what we do during the day?  I'm not looking for work, now, I'm busy enough making sure that I'll finish knitting DS2's Harry Potter scarf before Halloween!" 

And why is it that some people have such a problem with a woman who likes being a SAHM/housewife in this day and age?   Why is it so hard to believe that a woman can be happy without a job or career in the 21st century?
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Kaypeep

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2010, 07:13:53 PM »
"Hahaha!  Yes, DS1 is a card!  He also still believes in the tooth fairy, Santa and the Easter Bunny!  We just love his imagination! Oh, well the bus is here. Have a good day working at the school.  I'm off to MY job, too, at my house."

I wouldn't try to explain anything to this woman.  She may be benefiting a lot from the job, and maybe likes you enough to let you in on the great opportunity. But it's simply not in the cards for you right now.   Perhaps next time answer her with something like "A part time job wouldn't fit into my life right now. I appreciate you thinking of me, but you should really pass these tips on to someone who is job hunting instead. This opportunity is wasted on me right now, I could never manage a job with everything else I do right now."   


sparksals

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2010, 07:30:42 PM »
I've got you one upped (not trying to one up you, because I totally relate).  I am a SAHW.  We don't have kids and you would not believe the looks and judgment I get from people, mostly with a look, 'and you don't have kids?', like I'm a lazy sod. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2010, 07:48:27 PM »
I'm sure this other mom's intentions are good, and she might just like the idea of having another mom she knows on the job too, though from the sound of the job (Parent cafeteria monitor substitute) we might not even be working on the same days.   

I just wish some people would take "No thanks" as an answer the first time. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Cz. Burrito

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2010, 09:54:47 PM »
Did she need to get this job due to family finances?  If so, she might resent you for being able to make a choice about whether or not to seek outside employment.

Or she might just not understand why somebody would make that choice.  In any case, how annoying!

Oxymoroness

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2010, 10:11:17 PM »
After I got back from maternity leave, I was laid off. So for 6 months I was essentially a SAHM. And you know what? I was terrible at it. Fortunately I got a job and everyone is much happier. LittleOxy is loving daycare, and our time together is much better because I'm not so squirrely.

A good friend of mine, who is brilliant BTW, and had very good, very lucrative career, made the choice to be a SAHM. And she's awesome at it. She made the finaces work. Her kids are happy. She insanely busy and active. And she's getting ready for the next phase when the kids are off to school for most of the day. She does do her own little business venture on the side, but she's managed it so that it does not interfere with the kids schedule.

I admire my friend for how awesome she is at her chosen path. I know for a fact that I couldn't do it. She respects me for my choices and for the fact that I'm mommy regardless of whether or not I happen to be in the office. 

At the end of the day even though the choices themselves are different, the ultimate choice was the same: we chose what was best for our families and their unique needs without worrying about the approval of others.

What's funny is that we've both had our share of criticism from the other camp.  ::)   

Piratelvr1121

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2010, 10:54:59 PM »
Did she need to get this job due to family finances?  If so, she might resent you for being able to make a choice about whether or not to seek outside employment.

Or she might just not understand why somebody would make that choice.  In any case, how annoying!

This may be the case.   Her husband is in construction and due to a dwindling amount of work for the company they're worried he might lose the job so she's looking for jobs to bring in some money so they won't be without income.   Which is understandable, and responsible.

I just resent the "If you stay at home when your kids are in school all day you must have nothing to do so why don't you work?" 

My best friend admits to being jealous of the fact that I have more time than she does to get things done, since she's single and lives alone and thus has to work.   She on the other hand will push me to make the most of the time I have while the boys are in school to do things that aren't easily done when they're home.  Like painting the interior walls of the house, going shopping for beads, taking walks, knitting, etc.    "Enjoy the time for those of us who don't have it!"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Ms_Shell

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2010, 11:51:15 PM »
Ugh. This happens to be a personal pet peeve of mine, please excuse my tone if I sound a bit ranty!

IMHO, the entire point of feminist movement was to add CHOICES to women's lives; i.e. the trapped/unfulfilled housewife could run a Fortune 500 company if she was so inclined, while the women who want to stay home and raise families could do so.  Plenty of women (and men) are great homemakers, and should be allowed to follow their ambitions just as well as the person who wants a professional career.

Sorry about that, needed to get it off my chest!  :) *climbs down from soapbox*
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MrsJWine

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2010, 12:25:13 AM »
Some people just can't understand that not everyone feels the same way they do about things.  It's possible she looks down on you.  But it's also possible that she hated being a SAHM, couldn't wait to get out and get a job once the kids were in school, and she just assumes everyone else feels the same way, whether they let on to it or not.  Not saying that attitude is good, either, but it's definitely better than her thinking she's superior to you merely for having a job.


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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2010, 12:52:24 AM »
I agree with Piratelvr1121; I think the other mom is jealous. I know I am!  :D  But maybe it's also unusual in your area? In S.A. it's VERY unusual for a mother not to work - I have 31 kids in my class and every single one's mother works. So the other day when I was filling in some referral forms for a child in another class and came across the mother's occupation in his profile as "housewife", I was quite surprised. I'd just bean dip if she brings up the subject again; what else can you really do.


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bellawitch

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2010, 06:23:07 AM »
I would be interested in hearing if your dd really did say that. I find that even if dd did, her repeating it back to you as if even your kids think you do nothing and therefore you need to do what she tells you to is starting to push her nose right where it doesn't belong. I'd make a point of advoiding her company for a while, maybe then she might get a clue.

Spoder

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2010, 06:34:56 AM »
IMHO, the entire point of feminist movement was to add CHOICES to women's lives; i.e. the trapped/unfulfilled housewife could run a Fortune 500 company if she was so inclined, while the women who want to stay home and raise families could do so.  Plenty of women (and men) are great homemakers, and should be allowed to follow their ambitions just as well as the person who wants a professional career.

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2010, 07:12:04 AM »
I would be interested in hearing if your dd really did say that. I find that even if dd did, her repeating it back to you as if even your kids think you do nothing and therefore you need to do what she tells you to is starting to push her nose right where it doesn't belong. I'd make a point of advoiding her company for a while, maybe then she might get a clue.

DS did admit to saying that, and I get the feeling it was in response to her asking him what his mom does during the day.  He doesn't know her well enough to just go up to her and volunteer that kind of information out of the blue, yk?  It's not his fault, and I am kind of annoyed that she'd ask my child that and use it to tell me I should look for a job.   
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

sweetgirl

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2010, 07:27:23 AM »
I'm a stay at home mum. I'm in a fortunate position that I dont have to work. And when I do go back to work I wont have to go back fulltime. Not because its my husbands job or because I'm lazy or I dont have any work ethic. Its because I've been the child of a mother who has worked the enterity of my life,even as an adult and whilst I respect my mother and hold her to the highest esteem...this is something that I dont want for my children. Could this change in the future? yes. But I'm not going to rush back into the workforce before I'm ready and my childs ready to prove something to other people.

And last time I checked,a stay at home mum and housewife WAS a job.

McCutieBelle

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Re: What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2010, 07:58:41 AM »
I think people have to do what is right for them, and the rudeness comes from the judgment, on both sides. You should see the looks I get when I say I enjoy working and don't want kids nor do I want to get married...If I ever did have children, which won't happen, but say it did.. I would work, I need to work, and I have been very broke in my life and I could not depend on someone else for money, I don't feel comfortable with that, I need my own funds and my own things, I need time to myself as well.

I think though that a job is something you get paid for or helps you in a career, like an internship, you cannot put a housewife or SAHM on your resume. It is a choice, a lifestyle choice, but a job to me implies something you HAVE to do, and I would say being a mom and a wife is something you WANT to do :)
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