What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?

[drebay]

I never know where I fit. I am a WAHM (Work At Home Mom).  DH & I own our own business, and run it from a building on our property.  I do get a paycheck (I write it to myself), but I had the bassinet in my office when the kiddos were babies.  I am home all day, but I am also at work all day.  People accept that DH has a "job", but seem to think that I don't.

[Minmom3]

I never know where I fit. I am a WAHM (Work At Home Mom).  DH & I own our own business, and run it from a building on our property.  I do get a paycheck (I write it to myself), but I had the bassinet in my office when the kiddos were babies.  I am home all day, but I am also at work all day.  People accept that DH has a "job", but seem to think that I don't.

And the worst part of THAT is what they want you to do for them in the time you are 'not at work'....

[Jan74]

I've got you one upped (not trying to one up you, because I totally relate).  I am a SAHW.  We don't have kids and you would not believe the looks and judgment I get from people, mostly with a look, 'and you don't have kids?', like I'm a lazy sod. 

I hear ya. I work from home, and I get the same judgment. If you don't commute, you are lazy, even if you are running around all day doing laundry/running errands/cleaning etc. Nevermind the 2-8h a day, depending on the day, I waste doing my "paid work" - the rest is also work, it just doesn't pay. So on a good day, I'm a SAHW and can mend clothes, do home improvement, etc. On bad days I have to be like an office worker, while my "life work" piles up waiting for me. And yet, people think I "do nothing all day".

[Shoo]

I'm basically a SAHW, since my daughter is in 5th grade.  I tell people that I am "retired" since I worked until my daughter went into Kindergarten, then the sheer logistics of everything made it hard for me to justify going to work.

I don't know what other people think about my situation, but as far as I know, no one has ever said anything snide.  Maybe people do, I don't know.  Really, I can't imagine why anyone would spend 2 seconds concerning themselves with what my husband and I choose to do when it doesn't have anything to do with them in any way.

[Brentwood]

Really, I can't imagine why anyone would spend 2 seconds concerning themselves with what my husband and I choose to do when it doesn't concern them in any way. 

That's how I feel.

Of course, even if the stay-home partner DID spend his/her day "doing nothing" (or pursuing a hobby or reading a stack of books or visiting the spa or whatever), it's still purely their own business.

[Rohanna]

If your lifrestyle choice isn't illegal or immoral it's really none of their business. However, I think bean-dipping the topic rather than trying to justify it would be a better tactic, as it's an extremely loaded discussion.

[Piratelvr1121]

Really, I can't imagine why anyone would spend 2 seconds concerning themselves with what my husband and I choose to do when it doesn't concern them in any way. 

That's how I feel.

Of course, even if the stay-home partner DID spend his/her day "doing nothing" (or pursuing a hobby or reading a stack of books or visiting the spa or whatever), it's still purely their own business.

POD POD POD.   The last two days I've been sitting here on the couch knitting DS's scarf and working my way through all 4 seasons of 21 Jump Street.

[Shoo]

If your lifrestyle choice isn't illegal or immoral it's really none of their business. However, I think bean-dipping the topic rather than trying to justify it would be a better tactic, as it's an extremely loaded discussion.

That hasn't been my experience at all!  No one has EVER said anything to me that I could classify as anything other than supportive, or at least non-committal.  There have been no discussions, no disparaging remarks, nothing.  I would be absolutely shocked to hear someone make any sort of comment about my chosen lifestyle.

[Rohanna]

If your lifrestyle choice isn't illegal or immoral it's really none of their business. However, I think bean-dipping the topic rather than trying to justify it would be a better tactic, as it's an extremely loaded discussion.

That hasn't been my experience at all!  No one has EVER said anything to me that I could classify as anything other than supportive, or at least non-committal.  There have been no discussions, no disparaging remarks, nothing.  I would be absolutely shocked to hear someone make any sort of comment about my chosen lifestyle.

I meant on the internet. You only need to google SAHM v Working Mom to unleash the hounds, as it were.

[Shoo]

If your lifrestyle choice isn't illegal or immoral it's really none of their business. However, I think bean-dipping the topic rather than trying to justify it would be a better tactic, as it's an extremely loaded discussion.

That hasn't been my experience at all!  No one has EVER said anything to me that I could classify as anything other than supportive, or at least non-committal.  There have been no discussions, no disparaging remarks, nothing.  I would be absolutely shocked to hear someone make any sort of comment about my chosen lifestyle.

I meant on the internet. You only need to google SAHM v Working Mom to unleash the hounds, as it were.

Ah.  Yes, I think the anonymity of the internet tends to bring out the worst in people.  People will say things online that they would NEVER say to someone's face.

[GoldenGemini]

I too think it is possible that the other mum is jealous. It sounds like it is possible from their job situation, that she needs to work, or needs at least a bit extra.  Maybe she can't understand how you don't feel this way.  Still none of her business.

Can you say "oh, I couldn't squeeze in a job as well! I'm so busy right now!"? Maybe she will get the hint, but probably not!

I don't have kids, and am currently ambivalent about the whole thing.  However, I know if I had kids, it would be much safer for them if I went back to my job.  They would get much better care in daycare, and Mummy will be less likely to be down to her last nerve by dinner time. 

I would love to be a SAHWife, but I probably have a romantic notion of what that involves.   

[Piratelvr1121]

I saw her again today and she said "Hey, you apply yet?" She was grinning and from her tone she might have been joking, so I just replied with a grin and a "No and I'm not going to cause I'm not looking for work now."  We were walking opposite directions as I was on my way to meet my kids and she'd already met hers and was walking back home with him.   

She waved her hand and grinned in the "Oh I'm teasing!" gesture and said okay so hopefully that means the subject's closed!

[sweetgirl]

What about the ever popular phrase "your life is one big holiday" when you say you'd love a vacation. Yeah. Because home is the same as a week in fiji.

[penguinpants]

Goodness -- I'm glad I read this thread, because the comments and raised eyebrows are already starting.  I won't be returning to work, now that we have our son.  My salary would barely cover daycare, and my former work (college-level teaching) does not end when leaving work (grading, lesson plans, paperwork, meetings, student emails, etc.).  Our son would suffer, and we would suffer.  Somehow, we'd still have to get all of the housework accomplished, my husband would still be on a national-level job search (lots of travel), and he would somehow still have to finish his dissertation and teach his classes and attend to his department's meetings and needs.  But some are still making comments like:

"Oh, it'll be nice for you to have some time for yourself." 
---Either you haven't had a baby before, or you don't recall the experience.  And housework does take a lot of time.  Laundry for 3 (including aforementioned-infant) alone is quite the daily task.

"Are you bored already, or what?"
--- Or what.  Our son is highly entertaining and engaging.  When he naps, I take care of the house, catch up with friends and relatives, read for pleasure, catch a little tv, etc.

"Don't you get any breaks from the baby?"
--- DH happily spends time with Baby when he comes home -- he misses his son during the day, and doesn't want to lose out on all of the milestones, much less the opportunity to build a relationship with the little guy.  So long as I'm not needed for feeding, I use that time to catch up on housework or personal needs.

Glad to see that it isn't just me.  I guess people thought I was quite the career woman, or something?  Or it's just so common to not stay at home that it's surprising to them?

[Hushabye]

I'm just waiting for it to start for us.  Not for me, but for Southern Honey, since he's the one who's going on reduced hours to stay home with the Munchkin.  And that's something that seems to really get people going: a MAN giving up HIS career to stay home with the baby!  For shame! 

There have been some great responses here, though, so thanks to everyone!