What's wrong with being a SAHM/Housewife?

[Jan74]

And that's something that seems to really get people going: a MAN giving up HIS career to stay home with the baby!  For shame! 

Don't you mean a SLACKER giving up his career (as per the other thread...)?
/sarcasm

[Hushabye]

And that's something that seems to really get people going: a MAN giving up HIS career to stay home with the baby!  For shame! 

Don't you mean a SLACKER giving up his career (as per the other thread...)?
/sarcasm

Oh, yes, THAT was the epithet I was looking for!  /sarcasm

There are some special people in the world, that is for sure.

[lilfox]

Glad to see that it isn't just me.  I guess people thought I was quite the career woman, or something?  Or it's just so common to not stay at home that it's surprising to them?

You know what's kind of odd?  I had the exact opposite reaction at work.  My manager flat out told me he didn't think I would come back from mat leave (after I came back, that is - he never said anything beforehand).  Another senior person that I indirectly report to said he wasn't surprised that I came back this time, but he'd put money on my not coming back after a second baby.  Neither were being judgmental though.  Just matter-of-fact since, as one said, "You never know how you'll really feel til you experience it yourself."

[kareng57]

Glad to see that it isn't just me.  I guess people thought I was quite the career woman, or something?  Or it's just so common to not stay at home that it's surprising to them?

You know what's kind of odd?  I had the exact opposite reaction at work.  My manager flat out told me he didn't think I would come back from mat leave (after I came back, that is - he never said anything beforehand).  Another senior person that I indirectly report to said he wasn't surprised that I came back this time, but he'd put money on my not coming back after a second baby.  Neither were being judgmental though.  Just matter-of-fact since, as one said, "You never know how you'll really feel til you experience it yourself."

True, and sometimes it's just a plain question of $$$.  Very often, depending on what daycare costs are in the area, it's the birth of a second baby, while the first is still quite young, that makes the decision.  Daycare bills of about $1000 a month might be manageable on even a moderate salary.  Twice that, no.  It might make more sense for one parent to stay home, or perhaps pursue part-time employment when the other parent would be around for childcare.

However, I really don't think it's for a supervisor to say anything about this.  He/she should really not have information as to an employee's private financial situation.

[Piratelvr1121]

When our boys were in daycare, especially when they were both in school all day, it amounted to $200/week for both of them during the school year but during the summer the rates went up because they did a summer camp program.   Which meant higher tuition than the rest of the year, even for the kids who were there all day.   

Which is understandable for the activities they planned for this summer camp, but it made it tricky for some families. Like us.  We love the center, we just decided it made more sense for me to stay home with them than to pay the daycare so I could work.

[learningtofly]

I'd be a horrible SAHM.  But i find myself lucky that i know this.  It is stressful for me being a wife/mother/worker/student, but I don't see how it would get less stressful if I had to be home all day.  i still wouldn't get the housework done    Might as well be out doing something I love while DD plays with kids she loves.

[Kittymama]

Like a few others on this thread, I'm a stay-at-home wife (no--er, human--children ). I get snide remarks and suggestions of "you should apply for [whatever]!" Mostly I get the snide remarks from a few relatives and the job suggestions from a couple of friends. I do have a reputation with these people as being lazy (because I stay home). I just genuinely don't see why they care. I don't think any of them really know me enough to make that judgement, and even if they did, I still don't see why they care! I don't go around telling them to quit their jobs, or that their jobs are not important, or I bet they play on the internet all day while at work. Maybe I should start [*quickly stuffs Evil Kittymama back into her box*]. So why do they feel the need to imply that I do nothing all day? Why do they care if I don't do anything all day?

Our bills are paid; our cats are content (this is extremely important because they're very important cats ); our house is...er, livable ; our budget is done and planned a few weeks in advance; I'm working on a course towards a degree (not that that's any of their business); I'm finally trying to work on healing from an abusive childhood and building back my self-esteem (not that that's any of their business either, but it's something which these judgemental comments do not help!); and my husband doesn't oppose me in any of these endeavours. So what's it to anybody else?

[Piratelvr1121]

And to be honest, there are some days where I do absolutely nothing, and not because I'm sick or hurt for any reason.   Cause sometimes it's nice to just go to the mall and browse when the stores aren't full of customers.   Or stay home and watch tv and veg.    And why should I need to justify that to other people?

[McCutieBelle]

My brother is a stay at home papa

He wants to go to culinary school and SIL is a teacher, they seem very happy with the arrangement and nephew is thriving!

I find that a lot of people make "interesting assumptions" about people.

[wheeitsme]

You are all Home-makers.  And while not everyone chooses that job (which is okay), and not everyone who wants that job is able to have it without working a second job, it is valid, hard, important work, when taken seriously.

And don't let anyone convince you differently.

[Lashley]

I've been reading this thread with great interest. It's fascinating to me how women can catch heck for both staying home and working - it seems like a "darned if you do, darned if you don't" situation. I don't have children yet, but I definitely want them, and I'm also becoming a lawyer - I graduate in May. I'm already working (pretty typical for the profession) and have had several people ask what I do, then when I respond, answer "but who is going to raise your children?"

It's amazing that people think they should get an opinion on whether you stay home or not (or be allowed to pass judgment). Like a lot of other posters mentioned, the childcare costs can be overwhelming. My mom worked until she had enough children (there are 3 of us) that all of her salary was going to childcare expenses, so she decided to just stay home. She says she worked harder when we were all living at home than she ever did in her job. Plus...I absolutely loved having her at home. She quit working when I was in middle school, and I thought it was the best thing ever.

My boyfriend is also an attorney but he's a writer primarily, and would eventually like to teach creative writing full time. We've already decided that if we're lucky enough to have kids, we want them to have a stay at home parent, and he really wants to be the one to do it. I'm crossing my fingers that it works out, because I know that'd probably be the happiest situation for us (I love love love my job; him, not so much!)

[Sirius]

I never know where I fit. I am a WAHM (Work At Home Mom).  DH & I own our own business, and run it from a building on our property.  I do get a paycheck (I write it to myself), but I had the bassinet in my office when the kiddos were babies.  I am home all day, but I am also at work all day.  People accept that DH has a "job", but seem to think that I don't.

I am a WAHW (work at home wife.)  I've learned how to multitask - I can transcribe dictations, do laundry, and cook dinner all at the same time.  I also get a real paycheck from a real company. 

[Kittymama]

I am a WAHW (work at home wife.)  I've learned how to multitask - I can transcribe dictations, do laundry, and cook dinner all at the same time.  I also get a real paycheck from a real company. 

I would love to work at home! Most things I can find either hardly pay anything at all, or are scams, though. You do transcription? Did you have to get some specialized training?

[Lynda_34]

I'm 60.  I'm trying to be retired.

I work between 24 and 40 hours a week. 

However, most of them are hours of my choosing.  I'm only obligated to 24 of them in two shifts.

I love being home and just hanging out.

When my husband was normal I worked 24 hours a week.  After I was divorced I worked 40-70 hours a week to pay off debts that mostly he incurred.  (no pity here just stating facts)

I had an excellent support system since my parents lived a mile and a half down the road and I worked a night shift and early morning shift.  (not possible for a lot of people).  My daughter was a hard working *******, my son a dancing in the daisies ******* but I tried to be home for them every afternoon.  Sleeping in between.

Not an easy way to do things and not my choice.  They are both adults now, and have turned out pretty well. 

Every parent should just do the best they can for as long as they can.  One never knows while they are living it if they are making the best decisions.  I look back now and think I did pretty good but at the time most of it was "touch and go."

[starbuck]

Like a few others on this thread, I'm a stay-at-home wife (no--er, human--children ). I get snide remarks and suggestions of "you should apply for [whatever]!" Mostly I get the snide remarks from a few relatives and the job suggestions from a couple of friends. I do have a reputation with these people as being lazy (because I stay home). I just genuinely don't see why they care. I don't think any of them really know me enough to make that judgement, and even if they did, I still don't see why they care! I don't go around telling them to quit their jobs, or that their jobs are not important, or I bet they play on the internet all day while at work. Maybe I should start [*quickly stuffs Evil Kittymama back into her box*]. So why do they feel the need to imply that I do nothing all day? Why do they care if I don't do anything all day?

Our bills are paid; our cats are content (this is extremely important because they're very important cats ); our house is...er, livable ; our budget is done and planned a few weeks in advance; I'm working on a course towards a degree (not that that's any of their business); I'm finally trying to work on healing from an abusive childhood and building back my self-esteem (not that that's any of their business either, but it's something which these judgemental comments do not help!); and my husband doesn't oppose me in any of these endeavours. So what's it to anybody else?

Another one here. =)  DH works.  I am a SAHW, the w being either wife or writer, whichever you prefer. =D  People really think I do nothing all day or what I do is of a lesser value b/c it doesn't involve kids or "meaningful" work.  When my MIL came to stay over the summer she commented to my mom that she couldn't believe how busy I was (pullets, huge garden, canning, writing, fitness, house in order, shopping, bills, etc.) and that irked me a bit, you know?  Besides, DH and I are good.  He likes that he doesn't have to think about any of that other stuff (though he's 100 percent willing should he be needed) and I like that I don't have to be anywhere I don't care to be most of the time.  It also frees me up to pursue the things I love, like writing and personal training.

POD to all who have said it's nobody's business but ours.