Ah, The Mommy Wars. Completely ridiculous because they're all wrapped up in subjective opinions, preferences and conveniently ignoring the different personalities and circumstances involved. While I never want to be a SAHM, I completely respect any parent - male or female - who chooses to do so. In our modern age, it is a reasonable inference that staying home was a choice, and it makes sense for them. And kudos to that. Not everyone has the financial reality to be able to do that.
Judgement comes from all sides, towards all sides: you hear SAHPs making derisory comments about mothers who choose to work, but interestingly, not fathers (as Gloria Steinem famously said - "how come nobody ever asks a man about the difficulty of balancing a career and a family?"), and working mothers who snort at SAHPs. You get people who make fun of couples who choose to have kids and couples with kids who condescendingly "feel sorry" for couples who don't. Then there are the happy singles vs. the Smug Marrieds.
It's all too darned much!
I personally am happy to be married, but we've chosen not to settle down (at least not yet, if ever), definitely not have kids (we have approx. 5-10 years to change our minds and I just don't see it happening) and I love my career. I despise housework and don't particularly like kids and all they entail, at least not for long periods. You'd be amazed - wait, no you wouldn't! - at how much judgement I get for all of this, and at how little judgement my husband gets. No fair. Borderline sexist. As though he's fine and yet my life is somehow incomplete without kids and I will be happy to change poopy diapers, mop floors and volunteer at the science fair and holiday bazaar once it's my own kid.
I have deep respect for parents who do take joy and pride in that stuff. Absolutely. So it's sad to see them getting judged for it. But we women who don't want kids and love our jobs get judgement too and it's not fair to any of us.
So, as wives and mothers and colleagues and husbands and friends and relatives, I hope we'll all just STOP.
(I mean the collective humanity "we" - you guys are doin' great).