Am I a Scrooge, or is my family?

[pblair38]

OK, I have to get this off my chest.  I just finished up the whole Santa thing in the living room, but I need to type this before I go to bed. 

Tonight we went to my DH's family Christmas party.  There is a gift exchange - Competitive, Yankee Swap, whatever you want to call it.  On the invite (hosted by my MIL), it specified that you should bring a $25 gift.  DH bought a nice bottle of bourbon.  I bought two Santoku knives - an 8" one and a 5" one, and used a coupon to get it down to $25.  My mother brought a beautiful crystal/cut glass bowl and a beautiful aluminum wall cross that she'd found at a little shop at a good price. 

This is what we came home with:  I got 2 pair of rolled beeswax taper candles.  I looked up pricing online - probably $15 max, and I'm really not into candles.  My mother got a pretty paper box with two bars of scented soap.  My DH got a CHIA PET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know neither of those things cost $25 (my DH buys me a lot of scented soap, so we are familiar with pricing).  The invite did not say UP TO $25 - it said $25. 

None of these people have financial problems.  In fact, we are the youngest, poorest couple - I'm a SAHM and so we raise 2 kids on one income.  Most of the gifts were nice.  I know it's the luck of the draw, but come on - we all essentially got scr*wed.  I sure would have liked to have had my knives back, or my mom's bowl and cross.  DH would have liked to have had that bottle of bourbon.

DH is going to tell him mom next year to specify that the gift needs to be $20 to $25 (or whatever) so that people cannot mistakenly think that it is an "up to" price, OR it needs to be a White Elephant gift exchange so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.  I'm feeling rather disgusted. 

Penny

[pblair38]

I see, belatedly, from the other thread that I'm not the only one with this problem. 

I can say that at least we didn't get a Chia Scooby Doo - it was a cat. 

Penny

[kareng57]

OK, I have to get this off my chest.  I just finished up the whole Santa thing in the living room, but I need to type this before I go to bed. 

Tonight we went to my DH's family Christmas party.  There is a gift exchange - Competitive, Yankee Swap, whatever you want to call it.  On the invite (hosted by my MIL), it specified that you should bring a $25 gift.  DH bought a nice bottle of bourbon.  I bought two Santoku knives - an 8" one and a 5" one, and used a coupon to get it down to $25.  My mother brought a beautiful crystal/cut glass bowl and a beautiful aluminum wall cross that she'd found at a little shop at a good price. 

This is what we came home with:  I got 2 pair of rolled beeswax taper candles.  I looked up pricing online - probably $15 max, and I'm really not into candles.  My mother got a pretty paper box with two bars of scented soap.  My DH got a CHIA PET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know neither of those things cost $25 (my DH buys me a lot of scented soap, so we are familiar with pricing).  The invite did not say UP TO $25 - it said $25. 

None of these people have financial problems.  In fact, we are the youngest, poorest couple - I'm a SAHM and so we raise 2 kids on one income.  Most of the gifts were nice.  I know it's the luck of the draw, but come on - we all essentially got scr*wed.  I sure would have liked to have had my knives back, or my mom's bowl and cross.  DH would have liked to have had that bottle of bourbon.

DH is going to tell him mom next year to specify that the gift needs to be $20 to $25 (or whatever) so that people cannot mistakenly think that it is an "up to" price, OR it needs to be a White Elephant gift exchange so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.  I'm feeling rather disgusted. 

Penny

I've participated in "yankee swaps" a couple of times and really haven't liked them - but they were in non-family settings, such as secret-Sants workplace exchanges.  I really don't think this kind of thing is appropriate in a family setting.  It's true that if you knew the arrangement when you went into this, you can't very well whine about coming out with less than what you gave - and if it's a level-playing-field, sometimes the most well-off people are going to come away with the nicest gifts, just by chance.  I'd have a quiet talk with whoever co-ordinates this - but it's true that it might not be easy to not give the impression that you're whining.

[pblair38]

My DH talked to his mom (the hostess) about our feelings on the matter.  She was very receptive to our comments and felt bad that we'd been "shorted".  We suggested that next year we might do a White Elephant gift exchange instead, or if we wanted to continue with the "real gifts", she might put a specific range, i.e. $20 to $25, on the invitation, so people wouldn't read "a $25 gift" as "UP TO $25" and only spend $10.  Or, that she might put "Bring a $xx gift that you wouldn't mind receiving for yourself" or something like that.  We agreed to address it again closer to next Christmas.  She also mentioned that there were some family members there that hadn't attended since we started the "Yankee Swap" thing several years ago, and that they might not have understood what they were to bring.

Penny 

[Lynda_34]

My family did gift exchanges but we drew names.  That way each person had to buy for someone specific and it became fun to buy something for someone and choose a gift they would know you would enjoy.  We drew names in Sept. so there was plenty of time to talk about it and find something special without that last minute running around.

[rosequilts]

Asking that the gifts should be something "you wouldn't mind receiving yourself" sounds like a really good idea.  Sometimes, particularly in our neighbourhood, these kinds of gift exchanges are an opportunity to purchase shocking and tasteless "joke" gifts which are truly never funny and they say alot about the purchaser!

[LissaR1]

We do a Pollyanna where we draw names, and then we actually have a range set on the price- must be more than 20 and less than 30.  Of course, there's often no way to check it.  (My neice spilled the beans this year that her mom got my present as a free gift from Avon and didn't want it.  A little frustrating because I pulled her mom and got her a DVD and a gift card to the grocery store, but given other circumstances, I just ignore it.)  But in theory, it works great. 

I also like the "you wouldn't mind recieving yourself" wordage. 

[Hawkwatcher]

While I like the idea of including the phrase "gifts you wouldn't mind receiving yourself" next year, I do not think that including a price range will protect people from receiving poor gifts.  Just because one item is expensive does not mean that it is nice. I have seen some pretty ugly things that were very expensive.

[Chartreuse]

My family did gift exchanges but we drew names.  That way each person had to buy for someone specific and it became fun to buy something for someone and choose a gift they would know you would enjoy.  We drew names in Sept. so there was plenty of time to talk about it and find something special without that last minute running around.

We did the same thing, plus my technically proficient husband setup an email mailing list.  That way everyone in the family could send their gift wish list and suggestions to one address and it would be sent on to everyone else involved in the gift exchange.  I don't think anyone got any unwanted gifts, it went smoothly, and it was wonderful just being able to focus on spoiling one person.   

[Chocolate Cake]

We do a Yankee Swap at Christmas also, but I think I'll suggest we actually draw names next year instead.    While everyone participating contributes a gift in the right price range, the concept of "giving something you'd like to receive" has gone askew in our family.    

Some gifts in the "pot" the last couple of years have been exceptionally masculine or exceptionally feminine in nature.  This significantly cuts down on who, in our already small group, would be interested in "stealing" the gift during the game.   Then, some of the gifts contributed are very specific to a certain interest:  for example, a gift card to a quilting shop when there is only one person in the whole group that quilts.  This makes it difficult to play the game as intended with lots of steals and laughter.  It just doesn't work.  

[Tabris]

I'm just wondering what would happen if the gift swap were to take place, and who ever is in charge announces, "We won't be swapping gifts, actually. Everyone, open your own gift, show it to everyone, and trades will be allowed afterward. Have a merry Christmas."

[ZipTheWonder]

"Today on Jerry Springer, we talk to families who announced at Christmas, 'We won't be swapping gifts, actually. Everyone, open your own gift, show it to everyone, and trades will be allowed afterward.' "

[DottyG]

While I like the idea of including the phrase "gifts you wouldn't mind receiving yourself" next year, I do not think that including a price range will protect people from receiving poor gifts.  Just because one item is expensive does not mean that it is nice. I have seen some pretty ugly things that were very expensive.

I'm also not fond of the price specification.  For the reason you stated.

We did a Secret Santa thing here at work.  I got my person a beautiful Christmas item for $15.  In fact, it was hard to wrap it and give it away; I would have loved it myself.  Limiting people to a certain amount is good in theory.  But, it may keep someone from getting something quite nice that just doesn't have a high price tag on it.

Cost is not the sole "worth" of an item.  If you're looking for that, why don't you just pass out cash to each other instead?

[taralee]

In my family, usually at New Years, we used to play a game called Snoop. Each person brings a present in a brown paper bag (usually no more than $10 in cost). Snoop is a card game (the exact rules of which I don't remember) where you set up card tables with decks of cards at each table. You want at least 3 tables, so at least 12 people total to play. Each person plays with a suit of cards. You play until a person wins the hand (again, I don't remember the exact rules) and yells "Snoop!". The game stops, and the Snoop at each table (i.e. the person farthest along with their hand) gets to look at each prize in the bags at their table. If they like it, they trade with that person. Then they move onto the next table. You play until a set time, or a set number of hands.

It forces people to bring good presents, because you don't want to get stuck with a bad present (if no one likes your present, they'll never trade with you), although there's always some gag gifts And it's a lot of fun. More fun than just randomly swapping presents, at least.

[LJM]

I've never participated in a Yankee Swap as part of genuine family gift-giving: it's always been a just-for-fun activity where no one really expected to get anything good. It was all for laughs, and if you actually liked what you ended up with, that was double-bonus.

I think your family needs to decide: is this gift-giving, or is this a game? If it's a game, you might want to just lower the price range (say, 10-15, or 5-10), since it seems most people don't want to pay $25 to participate. If it's gift-giving, then it might be good to drop the Yankee Swap aspect of it, and just draw names from a hat.