General Etiquette > Family and Children

Am I a Scrooge, or is my family?

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pblair38:
OK, I have to get this off my chest.  I just finished up the whole Santa thing in the living room, but I need to type this before I go to bed. 

Tonight we went to my DH's family Christmas party.  There is a gift exchange - Competitive, Yankee Swap, whatever you want to call it.  On the invite (hosted by my MIL), it specified that you should bring a $25 gift.  DH bought a nice bottle of bourbon.  I bought two Santoku knives - an 8" one and a 5" one, and used a coupon to get it down to $25.  My mother brought a beautiful crystal/cut glass bowl and a beautiful aluminum wall cross that she'd found at a little shop at a good price. 

This is what we came home with:  I got 2 pair of rolled beeswax taper candles.  I looked up pricing online - probably $15 max, and I'm really not into candles.  My mother got a pretty paper box with two bars of scented soap.  My DH got a CHIA PET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know neither of those things cost $25 (my DH buys me a lot of scented soap, so we are familiar with pricing).  The invite did not say UP TO $25 - it said $25. 

None of these people have financial problems.  In fact, we are the youngest, poorest couple - I'm a SAHM and so we raise 2 kids on one income.  Most of the gifts were nice.  I know it's the luck of the draw, but come on - we all essentially got scr*wed.  I sure would have liked to have had my knives back, or my mom's bowl and cross.  DH would have liked to have had that bottle of bourbon.

DH is going to tell him mom next year to specify that the gift needs to be $20 to $25 (or whatever) so that people cannot mistakenly think that it is an "up to" price, OR it needs to be a White Elephant gift exchange so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.  I'm feeling rather disgusted. 

Penny

pblair38:
I see, belatedly, from the other thread that I'm not the only one with this problem. 

I can say that at least we didn't get a Chia Scooby Doo - it was a cat.  :)

Penny

kareng57:

--- Quote from: pblair38 on December 25, 2006, 01:48:42 AM ---OK, I have to get this off my chest.  I just finished up the whole Santa thing in the living room, but I need to type this before I go to bed. 

Tonight we went to my DH's family Christmas party.  There is a gift exchange - Competitive, Yankee Swap, whatever you want to call it.  On the invite (hosted by my MIL), it specified that you should bring a $25 gift.  DH bought a nice bottle of bourbon.  I bought two Santoku knives - an 8" one and a 5" one, and used a coupon to get it down to $25.  My mother brought a beautiful crystal/cut glass bowl and a beautiful aluminum wall cross that she'd found at a little shop at a good price. 

This is what we came home with:  I got 2 pair of rolled beeswax taper candles.  I looked up pricing online - probably $15 max, and I'm really not into candles.  My mother got a pretty paper box with two bars of scented soap.  My DH got a CHIA PET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know neither of those things cost $25 (my DH buys me a lot of scented soap, so we are familiar with pricing).  The invite did not say UP TO $25 - it said $25. 

None of these people have financial problems.  In fact, we are the youngest, poorest couple - I'm a SAHM and so we raise 2 kids on one income.  Most of the gifts were nice.  I know it's the luck of the draw, but come on - we all essentially got scr*wed.  I sure would have liked to have had my knives back, or my mom's bowl and cross.  DH would have liked to have had that bottle of bourbon.

DH is going to tell him mom next year to specify that the gift needs to be $20 to $25 (or whatever) so that people cannot mistakenly think that it is an "up to" price, OR it needs to be a White Elephant gift exchange so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.  I'm feeling rather disgusted. 

Penny

--- End quote ---

I've participated in "yankee swaps" a couple of times and really haven't liked them - but they were in non-family settings, such as secret-Sants workplace exchanges.  I really don't think this kind of thing is appropriate in a family setting.  It's true that if you knew the arrangement when you went into this, you can't very well whine about coming out with less than what you gave - and if it's a level-playing-field, sometimes the most well-off people are going to come away with the nicest gifts, just by chance.  I'd have a quiet talk with whoever co-ordinates this - but it's true that it might not be easy to not give the impression that you're whining.

pblair38:
My DH talked to his mom (the hostess) about our feelings on the matter.  She was very receptive to our comments and felt bad that we'd been "shorted".  We suggested that next year we might do a White Elephant gift exchange instead, or if we wanted to continue with the "real gifts", she might put a specific range, i.e. $20 to $25, on the invitation, so people wouldn't read "a $25 gift" as "UP TO $25" and only spend $10.  Or, that she might put "Bring a $xx gift that you wouldn't mind receiving for yourself" or something like that.  We agreed to address it again closer to next Christmas.  She also mentioned that there were some family members there that hadn't attended since we started the "Yankee Swap" thing several years ago, and that they might not have understood what they were to bring.

Penny 

Lynda_34:
My family did gift exchanges but we drew names.  That way each person had to buy for someone specific and it became fun to buy something for someone and choose a gift they would know you would enjoy.  We drew names in Sept. so there was plenty of time to talk about it and find something special without that last minute running around.

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