Saying no to using my second home

[willis_aimle]

Hi everyone,

Really need some help. We keep an apartment in NYC, but moved pretty far away just over a year ago. Since then, the place has seen an unending stream of people who use the place as a vacation home since it's just sitting vacant. I do say no to people I don't know well - these are all good friends. I don't know how to tell them I am not comfortable with them using my place. This is really weighing on me.

The problem is getting worse. People are actually planning visits here because of this great, free place to stay. Some come overnight, some a weekend, some even 10 days! I don't want any of it.

Any idea on how to turn people down without looking like a totally selfish (female dog)? Maybe even a good white lie? I am very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life and I don't want to offend anybody.

Thanks!

[Suze]

are you ok with a lie?

tell them you sold it or are subletting it.

otherwise -- It just won't be possiable and NO are good.

how do these people get the keys anyway?  If some of them have keys ....change the locks

[hyzenthlay]

'Friends, I am really sorry, but I'm just no longer comfortable with so much use of our apartment. It's becoming almost constant and the potential liability is just too much for me. I'm so sorry, but I can recommend a couple of really good hotels for you.'

[hjaye]

If you're going to go with a white lie you could say that you don't want to go into specifics because you know it was not malicious, but there was some damage done after a visit (you don't have to say who or when) and after giving it much thought you are not letting anyone use the property anymore.

If they really are good friends, then they should understand.

[QueenofAllThings]

As someone who lived in NYC for 20 years -

"The Board doesn't permit sublets or rentals."

Or, if you're feeling evil - "So much crime in the neighborhood recently, I wouldn't feel comfortable".

Or, topical - "We have a bed bug infestation".

Or honest - "The cleaning lady is tired of cleaning up after my houseguests".

Or - "I'm afraid that won't be possible".

[willis_aimle]

Thanks, everyone, for your input.

RE: bedbugs: Everyone from NY has told me to just mention that. ("It's up to you, but the next door neighbors had an infestation ... " ) Actually, one of my friends here DID have an infestation and she told me that if I just keep letting everyone come in and bunk that I'm about 100% certain to get them, too. That made me panic.

Why do so many of these excuses and white lies make me laugh? Like in a good way! I'm seriously cracking up like a crazy person on my couch right now!

[Kaypeep]

You may want to send out an email to friends who have used it in the past to let them know the apt isn't going to be available anymore, just to avoid any guilt trips if they say "But I already bought my plane tickets and was counting on it!" or other potential arguments.  I wouldn't give any reasons, but a generic "it's not possible".


Dear Friends,

I hope this email finds you well.  As a friend/relative who has used our NYC apartment in the past, we just wanted to let you know that unfortunately we aren't able to have guests there for the foreseeable future.  With the holidays and New Year approaching, we wanted to let everyone know now, in case you were planning a trip and need to make alternate plans for accommodations.
Take care,
Me

[hellgirl]

"I'm sorry, it's no longer available"

True, easy to remember, suitably vague, yet to the point.

Of course you could always start charging. "You know, we've had so much interest in it we've decided to start doing short-term rentals - it was just obviously so popular it seemed silly not to! So, it's $200 per night, up front, plus $150 bond. Let us know what dates you want and we'll book you in "
Should solve the problem nicely 

[kudeebee]

You may want to send out an email to friends who have used it in the past to let them know the apt isn't going to be available anymore, just to avoid any guilt trips if they say "But I already bought my plane tickets and was counting on it!" or other potential arguments.  I wouldn't give any reasons, but a generic "it's not possible".


Dear Friends,

I hope this email finds you well.  As a friend/relative who has used our NYC apartment in the past, we just wanted to let you know that unfortunately we aren't able to have guests there for the foreseeable future.  With the holidays and New Year approaching, we wanted to let everyone know now, in case you were planning a trip and need to make alternate plans for accommodations.
Take care,
Me

[/b]

POD

[missmolly]

You may want to send out an email to friends who have used it in the past to let them know the apt isn't going to be available anymore, just to avoid any guilt trips if they say "But I already bought my plane tickets and was counting on it!" or other potential arguments.  I wouldn't give any reasons, but a generic "it's not possible".


Dear Friends,

I hope this email finds you well.  As a friend/relative who has used our NYC apartment in the past, we just wanted to let you know that unfortunately we aren't able to have guests there for the foreseeable future.  With the holidays and New Year approaching, we wanted to let everyone know now, in case you were planning a trip and need to make alternate plans for accommodations.
Take care,
Me

[/b]

POD

Double Pod. Head people off rather than wait for them to contact you.

[jibby]

Kaypeep's suggestion is perfect.  I would copy, paste and send, and do it soon.

[Namárië]

I like Kaypeep's suggestion. If people respond saying "whyyyyy??" I would reply with a vague sort of answer, like "it's just not working out for us."

But just in case, I would change the locks.

[Lorelei_Evil]

Oh, absolutely change the locks, just for your own piece of mind if nothing else.

[MrsO]

I'd tell people you're renting it out. There's nothing wrong with a white lie, every now an again, to save hurting someone's feelings or offending them.

[boxy]

Most of these suggestions are spot on but the ones encouraging you to lie make me cringe.  None of us should have to stoop to telling lies in lieu of speaking a tactful truth.  The email suggestion was perfect as were some of the other nice ways of informing your friends YOUR flat is off the freeby list.

Lest anyone become offended at my opinion of lies, I'm not advocating saying "yes" to a woman who asks if her clothing makes her look fat.  I'm saying people respect those who (kindly) tell the truth.