Author Topic: Baby Shower Invitations  (Read 2819 times)

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Mahdoumi

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Baby Shower Invitations
« on: June 18, 2007, 01:10:17 PM »
Hi, Gang!  I used to post here obsessively before and shortly after my wedding, and I am so grateful for all the advice and support I received here.  I have a new milestone approaching and a related conundrum.  At 44 years of age, DH and I are expecting a baby girl practically on our first wedding anniversary. :o

My SIL, the one who planned the beautiful Meet-n-Greet the evening before the wedding ceremony, wants to throw my shower.  She does not want to include my other SIL with whom she does not get along and who ran off with all my leftovers including wedding cake and pastries after the wedding,  That SIL didn't acknowledge our marriage in any way except to show up . . . didn't even RSVP.  That SIL also did not acknowledge DH's announcement of our expected baby girl.  However, I insisted to my wonderful SIL that boorish SIL really should be included on the list.

Here's the conundrum:  Boorish SIL's 21yo DD is even worse than her mother.  She was rude to guests on my side of the wedding and was absolutely nasty to my 15yo DD.  I do not want her invited to any more of my "events". 

Here's the question:  Would it be out of line to invite Boorish SIL without including her DD?

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2007, 02:07:15 PM »
You may invite whom ever you would like.   Just anticipate that there will be some consequences from Boorish, so you and your SIL will have ready responses as to why Boorish's Terrible Daughter hasn't been invited.

Otherwise,  I'm just struggling to figure out why you are insisting that Boorish get invited in the first place. 

Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2007, 02:34:09 PM »
Otherwise,  I'm just struggling to figure out why you are insisting that Boorish get invited in the first place. 
It would be a deliberate snub, and I don't want Wonderful SIL blamed for it.  My DH would also be very upset if everyone were invited except Boorish SIL.

Chocolate Cake

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2007, 02:49:35 PM »
My DH would also be very upset if everyone were invited except Boorish SIL.

He's okay, then, if Boorish's Terrible Daughter is snubbed?   I guess you can take your wins where you find 'em; getting rid of half the equation is better than nothing.

Mikayla

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2007, 08:54:53 PM »
First....congrats!  You must be thrilled, especially since it might end up being on the same date.

But I, too, am having a bit of trouble with your rationale on this one.  Clearly, it's your guest list, but I'm not seeing much in the way of logic that would dictate SIL should be invited.  Why would your DH want her there if she causes trouble?  Also, you say you don't want good good SIL to take the blame, but it sounds like you had to talk her into issuing the invite, so I'm assuming she was willing to accept that blame.

I just have a problem with reinforcing inappropriate behavior.  Also, I think it'll be very tricky wording the invite to make it clear it's her sans daughter.  She sounds like the type that might bring her anyway and then shrug off the "misunderstanding". 

Good luck with this!

« Last Edit: June 18, 2007, 08:57:46 PM by MIKAYLA »

caranfin

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #5 on: June 18, 2007, 09:51:28 PM »
Otherwise,  I'm just struggling to figure out why you are insisting that Boorish get invited in the first place. 
It would be a deliberate snub, and I don't want Wonderful SIL blamed for it. 

But didn't you say this is what Wonderful SIL wants?
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2007, 09:28:19 AM »
I just have a problem with reinforcing inappropriate behavior.  Also, I think it'll be very tricky wording the invite to make it clear it's her sans daughter.  She sounds like the type that might bring her anyway and then shrug off the "misunderstanding". 

Excellent post and reasoning.  It'll cause WWIII, but you're so right.  She would bring her DD with her anyway, regardless.

Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2007, 09:35:21 AM »
The DD would be the only one from the next generation invited.  If she were excluded, nothing could be said since no one else from the "kids list" would be included.  On the other hand, every aunt, sister, and SIL is invited, and DH would be upset at the obvious exclusion of the one sister.

My DH would also be very upset if everyone were invited except Boorish SIL.

He's okay, then, if Boorish's Terrible Daughter is snubbed?   I guess you can take your wins where you find 'em; getting rid of half the equation is better than nothing.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2007, 09:56:46 AM by Mahdoumi »

BittyB

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2007, 10:23:14 AM »
If you feel you must invite Boorish SIL, I'd have someone gently tell her, "You know, I just wanted to clarify that DD wasn't invited because none of the other kids could be invited, so we just didn't want to hurt all of the other kids feelings by only including your DD."  It's sort of true, actually, and it makes it an arbitrary line and it also gives the implication, however false, that her kid is totally not the problem.   ::)

twinkletoes

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2007, 10:43:16 AM »
The "D"D is 21, right?  So, not a kid?  I think this might be a bit trickier.  You could say "oh, no one from that generation of kids is invited" - but the "kid" in question is legally old enough to drink.  So, not a "kid."  I guess you could just say "we're keeping it small, and all other invitees are mothers (if that's the case)/all other invitees are older." 

I do have a feeling, though, that DD will just "show up" because the mean SIL will pretend there was a misunderstanding, and of course her daughter was invited.

I think it would be better not to invite either of them, but I understand that it's "faaaamily."

Sabbyfrog2

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2007, 10:47:47 AM »
If you feel you must invite Boorish SIL, I'd have someone gently tell her, "You know, I just wanted to clarify that DD wasn't invited because none of the other kids could be invited, so we just didn't want to hurt all of the other kids feelings by only including your DD."  It's sort of true, actually, and it makes it an arbitrary line and it also gives the implication, however false, that her kid is totally not the problem.   ::)

YAY!! Congrats!

I agree with this.  It is YOUR shower so you can or cannot invite whoever you want, and if this woman and her DD are going to cause you grief on what is supposes to be a happy day, then tell them to leave their rude butts home. Although to keep the peace in the family, you might want to invite boorish SIL anyway and use Bitty's approach.

I have a question though... isn't there an etiquette rule about family throwing showers or is that just for weddings? Am I wrong and totally off my rocker?  I am not saying you shouldn't have one but please clarify, for my own knowledge.

BittyB

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2007, 11:30:49 AM »
I have a question though... isn't there an etiquette rule about family throwing showers or is that just for weddings? Am I wrong and totally off my rocker?  I am not saying you shouldn't have one but please clarify, for my own knowledge.

Same rules as bridal showers: family may only throw family-only showers.  So family members should not be hosting a shower that friends, neighbors and coworkers are invited to.


Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #12 on: June 19, 2007, 12:41:15 PM »
If you feel you must invite Boorish SIL, I'd have someone gently tell her, "You know, I just wanted to clarify that DD wasn't invited because none of the other kids could be invited, so we just didn't want to hurt all of the other kids feelings by only including your DD."  It's sort of true, actually, and it makes it an arbitrary line and it also gives the implication, however false, that her kid is totally not the problem.   ::)

Thanks, SIL and I decided to exclude both after the latest drama with this family.  Boorish is known for muttering to family during happy events, which makes everyone within earshot uncomfortable and Wonderful SIL really upset.  Regardless, Boorish has taken bad behavior to the next level yesterday evening, so it's best that she and Wonderful SIL not be in the same room.

Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #13 on: June 19, 2007, 12:42:38 PM »
I think it would be better not to invite either of them, but I understand that it's "faaaamily."

You got it!  However, after last night's drama, I think it would be best not to have those two sisters in the same room, so both Boorish and her DD have been taken off the list.

Mahdoumi

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Re: Baby Shower Invitations
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2007, 12:46:03 PM »
YAY!! Congrats!

I have a question though... isn't there an etiquette rule about family throwing showers or is that just for weddings? Am I wrong and totally off my rocker?  I am not saying you shouldn't have one but please clarify, for my own knowledge.

Thank you for the nice wishes.  The majority of the guest list is family and extremely close childhood friends of mine.  It's also a second shower; however, the first one took place 15 years ago and it was with my DD who is my first husband's child.  This will be a first live birth for DH and me.  We have had pregnancy tragedies in the past, and my SIL wanted to observe what a miracle this baby will be if we are successful this time around.