Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13

[Raintree]

I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.

Exactly, it was never supposed to mean "give us cash." It means look out for each other. I also think that many people living in villages around the world make do with far, far, less than what Ms Gimmepig is asking for.

[Piratelvr1121]

I agree, and I see it in my church as well, the "village".  My oldest has participated as an acolyte and a reader and each time he's gotten a nice little card in the mail from one of the older women, praising him for his contribution, and when my middle child acted as an usher once, he got a card as well. 

When I hear "It takes a village" I think of how, in some towns a kid could be across the town from home and if he's doing wrong and someone sees him the first thought is "Oh carp, Mom and Dad are going to know I was skateboarding in the street with so and so and I'm going to be grounded before I get home!"

[JenJay]

The phrase's meaning has been lost to a lot of people, like what happened to "it's the thought that counts" being abused by people who put absolutely no more thought into something than saying they'll do it and then promptly forgetting all about it. The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook "They say whatever you put out there comes back on you tenfold, so here goes-" and then listed a bunch of stuff she hopes comes true in her life. It wasn't selfish stuff (it was "I hope my marriage is strong" and "I hope my kids are happy", etc.), but I had to click away before I lost my internal struggle not to reply "That's not what that means!!"

[Raintree]

The phrase's meaning has been lost to a lot of people, like what happened to "it's the thought that counts" being abused by people who put absolutely no more thought into something than saying they'll do it and then promptly forgetting all about it. The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook "They say whatever you put out there comes back on you tenfold, so here goes-" and then listed a bunch of stuff she hopes comes true in her life. It wasn't selfish stuff (it was "I hope my marriage is strong" and "I hope my kids are happy", etc.), but I had to click away before I lost my internal struggle not to reply "That's not what that means!!"

That is really kind of funny! I guess she's heard the phrase "put out there" in the context of "what you share on-line or publicly" that she doesn't understand that in this context, it means some kind of contribution or effort.

[TootsNYC]

Or she's been reading "The Secret," and believes the whole "tell the universe what you want, and it will give it to you."

[EllenS]

I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.

I'm with you! I totally buy the *original* "takes a village* thing.

To me, it's not necessarily the "village" that raises you, i.e., your grandparents, etc.--it's the "village" that creates the community you grow up in.
    Schools (complete, yes with taxes for them), libraries, medical care, clean water, children's & teen activities, tolerance of the presence of children & patience with their work-in-progress development along with an reasonably express intolerance of bad behavior and expectation of achievement and contribution, proper modeling of appropriate adult behavior.

That's the village that it takes, in my mind.

So when people misuse it, it makes me crabby.

The other aspect of the "village" is reciprocity. Which is, in fact, the bedrock of all social order and etiquette.  We are supposed to look out for each other - mutually. 

It's like the Bible verses "bear one another's burdens" and "each should carry his own load".  They do not contradict. Your load is your ordinary stuff of life - you do your laundry, you make your living, you take care of your kids basic needs. I do the same for mine.

Then when the tornado knocks your house down, or a devastating illness takes my spouse, or somebody breaks a leg - those are burdens, and we show up to bear each others burdens.  Which we are able to do, because we have been taking care of ourselves in a reasonable way all along.

I seriously doubt someone who misuses "it takes a village" to beg other people to fund their child's existence, is going to show up and be the village for anyone else.

[LETitbe]

I've always used "it takes a village" when I'm allowing other adults/authority figures to discipline/set an example for my child. I feel that it takes the good examples of a community to turn out a child who can be a productive member of that society. I guess perhaps I'm using it wrong, but it works for me!
Yeah, I guess, as a parent, I DO expect something from others- I expect them to realize that my child is a future adult who will impact our society and to act accordingly. That means not having that "Kids are terrible and I never want to see them in public" attitude (I've actually mostly seen this on the internet- not real life), and also feeling free to correcting my kid when he's out of line (as long as you're not undermining my authority as a parent in the process). But I DON'T expect money of anyone. That's all my responsibility. So are the sleepless nights, the tough decisions, and all the other sacrifices that go along with choosing to be a parent.

[Julian]

Any chance this gimme-momma is Sue from Glitter's thread?