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Author Topic: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.  (Read 2259 times)

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lellah

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i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« on: March 19, 2015, 03:28:04 PM »
My aunt is not my favorite person.  She's never been cruel to me or to anyone else I care about. She's just irritating.  She talks incessantly, interrupts others, and calls me a variation of my name I have repeatedly asked her not to use. I also recently had an important event very nearly ruined by her spectacular thoughtlesssness. Literal thoughtlessness, not the mean sort.

She loooves Facebook.  She will like every single post I make,  even the ones that are negative.  Coffee all over my new white pants! Like! She also make sweet but irrelevant comments like "that's my beautiful niece! You're so grown up" on EVERYTHING.  I hid my posting from her thinking that's an end to my annoyance. Nope.  Evolving privacy settings and her relentless efforts meant that she'd be back on my page every few months. I tried chatty posts on her wall, emailing her, sending personal messages, letters and cards, and even phone calls.  She's single and getting older. Maybe she's just lonely? Maybe. But she will not interact outside her weird Facebook habits. How are you? LIKE.

Also the game invitations. How did I forget this? At least two a day. I block one game, she requests another.

I unfriended her. now she sends me friend requests every few weeks.  She tells my dad to ask me to add her. She mentions it on comments to my sibs.

Telling her to buzz off, tho, seems heartless.  Ideas?

Alicia

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2015, 03:45:32 PM »
Friend her. Set her to acquaintance set default posts to friends minus acquaintance

KimberlyM

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2015, 04:18:02 PM »
Friend her and put her on your restricted list.  Nothing you post will be visible to her.  I had to do that with an Aunt and a co-worker. 

EllenS

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2015, 04:25:05 PM »
Friend her and put her on your restricted list. Nothing you post will be visible to her.  I had to do that with an Aunt and a co-worker.

Nothing set to "friends" or "friends of friends". Anything you post as "public" will be, of course. I do a certain amount of public posting (usually pretty pictures or interesting news articles) because I have business contacts that I am FBF with, but don't want to give them access to all my personal life.

I think a lot of people use "like" as a checkbox to register that they read the post, they agree with your sentiment, or they are offering good wishes. Many people don't consider it to mean they literally like the thing that happened. But of course I understand how this constant barrage is very very irritating.

PastryGoddess

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2015, 05:11:50 PM »
Don't just unfriend her, block her.  Then you won't get anything from her. 

She'll still be able to see if you comment on mutual facebook friends post, but she won't be able to contact you directly. 

JustEstelle

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2015, 07:09:58 PM »
Don't just unfriend her, block her.  Then you won't get anything from her. 

She'll still be able to see if you comment on mutual facebook friends post, but she won't be able to contact you directly.

Actually, if you block her, she won't be able to see you at all, nor will you see her.  She can't message you or search for you either.

sammycat

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2015, 07:53:23 PM »
If you don't want to block or add her, just leave the friend request sitting there unanswered. Whilst it's still in 'pending' mode, she can't send you further friend requests or see your posts (unless they're marked 'public'). It's like a black hole.

I got a friend request the other day that I'm mulling over (long story).  From his POV, whenever he looks at my page all he can see are the cover and profile pictures and 'friend request sent'. He has no idea if I've even been on facebook since he sent the request, and the ball is now in my court as to what happens next.

Let Them Eat Cake

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2015, 08:38:49 PM »
I feel it would be so much easier just to accept her, then restrict your privacy settings so she can't see anything. You can make it so literally all she sees when she goes on your timeline is your profile picture and maybe your cover photo and profile pic.

On the other hand, if she's on Facebook all the time, I would assume she's savvy enough to know what a blank timeline means. If you've been friends on there in the past, then she knows you post, and thus she'll probably realize pretty quickly that you "hid" everything from her. Which will probably cue more whining on her part, and more drama.

So I might even consider blocking her. Then, next time she asks why you won't add her, you can simply say, "Oh, I'm not on Facebook anymore," and leave it at that.

Option B: keep her in what I like to call "Facebook purgatory" (not accepting nor declining) and let her keep on acting like a middle school girl about this-- "don't engage the crazy". Because even if you block her, if I'm not mistaken, your comments on your other relatives' statuses will still appear, just with your name being unclickable. And then she'll probably fly into a rage and spontaneously combust or something.  :P
"Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face. If you judge your friends for passing judgment on you, you're not only judging yourself you're judging your friends for judging you. And that would be using bad judgment." - Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch Movie

MrTango

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2015, 08:58:58 PM »
Block her.

You don't owe her any level of Facebook interaction that you don't want.

She'll still be able to see if you comment on mutual facebook friends post, but she won't be able to contact you directly.

If you block someone, it's as if you don't exist on Facebook.  They can't see you, your profile, or any comment you make anywhere on the site.

What they can see is that the post may say has "10 comments" but you can only see 8.  That means that two of the comments are from a person or people that have blocked you or that you have blocked.

The only way they could see you is if they log out of their account and are browsing from that logged-out state.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2015, 09:02:02 PM by MrTango »

poundcake

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2015, 12:18:09 PM »
Block her, and if she presses the issue, say "Oh, I'm only using FB for work now" or "I've cut way back on my FB use, it was taking up too much of my time" or "I just keep my account for my Crocheting With Ferret Fur group events. I've gotten too paranoid about social media and personal information!" Then bean dip.

gellchom

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2015, 01:44:59 PM »
The OP feels like telling her aunt to buzz off, presumably in one way or another (and I agree, Aunt probably knows all about blocking, etc.), would be heartless.  And she doesn't want to be heartless.  (If she didn't care, she wouldn't be posting, she'd just tell her to buzz off/block her/unfriend her).

It sounds like although she has done some stuff in real life that is more than just annoying, her facebook behaviors are more of the fingernails-on-a-blackboard kind of thing.  Like!  Like!  Like!  My niece is wonderful!  I get how it's irritating -- you feel like you're being hung on -- but really, there's no harm done.  It's not like she is badmouthing her or making trouble.  More like a pesky little sibling who wants to be around you.  It could be a lot worse.

I think you will be happiest, OP, if you do nothing.  You don't have to read her posts or comments if you don't want to.  And Aunt's personality isn't going to change in any other area of life anyway.

This is the kind of thing where you can make it lots less annoying if you make it a game and give yourself prizes.  Like, for every twenty pointless "likes," you get a candy.  For a hundred, you get to go shoe shopping.

tash112194

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2015, 02:21:05 PM »
If you don't want to block or add her, just leave the friend request sitting there unanswered. Whilst it's still in 'pending' mode, she can't send you further friend requests or see your posts (unless they're marked 'public'). It's like a black hole.

I got a friend request the other day that I'm mulling over (long story).  From his POV, whenever he looks at my page all he can see are the cover and profile pictures and 'friend request sent'. He has no idea if I've even been on facebook since he sent the request, and the ball is now in my court as to what happens next.

POD
I do this with everyone that I don't want to be friends with without actually denying them. (For example my DF's grandmother who doesn't like me but is notoriously nosey)
I leave it pending, and then if ever questioned can say "Oh really? I never got notified, so weird, I'll have to check that out, must be a Facebook glitch. Did you get new shoes?"

zyrs

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2015, 06:07:23 AM »
If you don't want to block or add her, just leave the friend request sitting there unanswered. Whilst it's still in 'pending' mode, she can't send you further friend requests or see your posts (unless they're marked 'public'). It's like a black hole.

I got a friend request the other day that I'm mulling over (long story).  From his POV, whenever he looks at my page all he can see are the cover and profile pictures and 'friend request sent'. He has no idea if I've even been on facebook since he sent the request, and the ball is now in my court as to what happens next.

I have a friend request that I never decline, just for the reason that she can't send me another one while that one is pending.  I tried declining 4 times, she kept resending it.

If you don't want to block your aunt then this might be the best way for you to handle it.

Lula

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Re: i don't want to be Facebook friends with you.
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2015, 03:28:29 PM »
Ugh, I can completely relate, OP.  Sounds like your aunt is doing the online equivalent of babying and cheek-pinching you in front of your friends.  Blech.