Author Topic: Meeting someone you only know online... Do you let them know who you are?  (Read 2051 times)

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Re: Meeting someone you only know online... Do you let them know who you are?
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2014, 07:50:04 AM »
Generally I agree with everyone else. Especially because you don't know for sure and well I wouldn't want to have the conversation. But you may want to consider what will happen if 6 months down the line you find that you have been interacting a lot. Maybe going to a lot of common events, etc. This is possible because you are in the same town. If you do accidentally mention something on the other forum or somehow she gets a hint that you are on the other forum and recognized her, the conversations, relationship, and group dynamics might get a little awkward.
Having the conversation now is a lot easier than having to admit that you knew who she was for 6 months and just didn't tell her. This is true especially if the other board deals with sensitive issues. One board I am on is issue based and anonymous people have shared with each other very personal stories (rape, child abuse, domestic violence, divorce, drugs, etc). If she shares something like that and she later finds out you knew and didn't mention it she might be very hurt and/or angry. This could effect group activities and dynamics.
I don't really think their is a clear right or wrong here.

I think, if it starts to become clear that the two of you are going to be spending a lot of time together irl, then pull her to one side and just say that you thought you saw a similar username on<forum> and you wondered privately if it was her.  Remember to assure her that of course your silence is absolute but you didn't want it to come out publicly that you knew all along.  Be aware that as DarkPrincess says, she may become angry/upset but doing everything privately will hopefully help her understand that you arte not trying to 'out' her (so to speak).
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Re: Meeting someone you only know online... Do you let them know who you are?
« Reply #16 on: October 21, 2014, 05:58:55 PM »
This is a tough one.  Knowing myself, I would go with one "extreme" or another.  Either I would make mention of it from the moment we said "hello", or I would never, ever, ever mention it.  Actually, the more I think about it, I would probably go with option B. This way, any potential awkwardness is averted, and I hate awkwardness.

Now I am amusing myself, imagining how I would try to explain this situation to my great-grandmother if she somehow reappeared.   ;D
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This is a difficult one. I'm assuming that you bring this up because you've both been part of discussions of a sensitive or personal nature. I agree that for now, it's probably best to just pretend that it isn't her.

However, as others have suggested, it might be wise to let her know about this if you think you'll be seeing more of her. Depending on the nature of her personal revelations on the other board, it might also be a kindness to clue her in that it's not as anonymous as she might think.