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  • June 25, 2016, 11:54:38 PM

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Author Topic: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34 and # 72  (Read 5722 times)

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tabitha

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #60 on: June 16, 2016, 09:05:23 AM »
I don't have Facebook, so I may not get it, but why respond at all?  You have your beliefs and point of views and you share them on Facebook.  Sometimes others will get offended but I think blocking or restricting them makes it seem like their views matter too you.

I would ignore her posts, like one ignores the comments on YouTube.  If you really believe in your convictions, understand that you will be opposed, and just continue to stand by them and let her fling all the hate your way, it can't hurt you. You know you're right.  Let her deal with the world on her own.  If and when she and her spouse, your sibling, meet you at a family event, and she brings it up, re-state your views and talk to someone else.

If we really care about our beliefs, I think we shouldn't hide from those who oppose us. Ignore foolishness yes, hide no.

As an aside, of course her hateful words my actually hurt you, and it may make life easier to block or unfriend and that's o.k.  But if you can take it, don't block her.  I feel like that would be allowing her to silence you. 

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #61 on: June 16, 2016, 09:42:14 AM »
I'm w/ Tabitha!!

Also--what you want her to do is to ignore the posts you make that aren't in alignment with her beliefs.
So you can do the same with her messages to you. Sure, they're more targeted than your general wall post, but it's essentially the same.

Treat it like spam. Because it is.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2016, 10:12:08 AM by TootsNYC »

Easter Hat

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #62 on: June 16, 2016, 10:09:26 AM »
Quote
I'd write her back and tell her "well, you can't have it both ways.  I post what I post on my page.  If you don't like it, hide my feed.  If you still want to see my other posts then just scroll by the ones you don't like.  Self-control is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit." *

Awesome.  And so true.  Temptation, greed, jealousy, etc. are all around us - all the time.  She should use her faith to control how she views others.  My recovering alcoholic husband doesn't drink and he finds it difficult to visit with his family while they enjoy their beer.  A root beer doesn't always hit the spot and I sympathize with him.  But he sticks to what he needs to do and doesn't chastise others for partaking.

Chickadee

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #63 on: June 16, 2016, 10:39:56 AM »
I'm w/ Tabitha!!

Also--what you want her to do is to ignore the posts you make that aren't in alignment with her beliefs.
So you can do the same with her messages to you. Sure, they're more targeted than your general wall post, but it's essentially the same.

Treat it like spam. Because it is.

Ooh! I like this!

siamesecat2965

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic!
« Reply #64 on: June 16, 2016, 11:25:14 AM »
"SIL, I didn't send anything to you. I posted it on my wall. If you don't want to see things like that, you're welcome to defriend me."


Yup I'd send this.  Or you can replace defriend with unfollow.  But either way, it's her problem...not yours

POD. I don't see why you need to do anything different. She clearly doesn't understand how FB works, and that's her issue, not yours.

Pooky582

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #65 on: June 16, 2016, 01:00:31 PM »
I'd write her back and tell her "well, you can't have it both ways.  I post what I post on my page.  If you don't like it, hide my feed.  If you still want to see my other posts then just scroll by the ones you don't like.  Self-control is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit." *

*Not to get into a religious discussion--I'm no longer a religious person but I remember that "self-control" was one of the "gifts of the Holy Spirit" and since she is religious maybe she would relate to this?  I don't know.

Honestly, I would have trouble dealing with a person expecting that I should sanitize my feed for any reason whatsoever.  The friends of mine that I respect the most on FB are the ones who I know disagree with me on things but just don't get into it.  I return the favor by also not getting into with them.

There are times and places for discussions about incendiary things and FB is not a good place for it if your goal is to keep your friends.

POD to this. She does not get to demand you stop posting certain things and silencing your beliefs because hers are 'more important' or 'right'. I would have a very hard time not responding again. I would just say, "SIL, as I already told you, I am not posting this directly to you. It is on my personal wall. And I will not be silenced because one person does not agree with me. I have as much right to post my beliefs as you do. It is on you to block my feed or unfriend me if you are unhappy with what you are seeing. If that is unacceptable to you, I can unfriend you so you are no longer bothered by my posts."  The way I see it, it doesn't matter how easy or hard it is to control who sees each post. That burden should fall to the person who is upset or offended (at least in this case). At this point, it's the principle of it. Someone making demands of me would not go over well.

I am sure this will just lead to another berating from her, but it would reiterate the point that you will not cower to her demands and are free to post whatever you want. And if a second time doesn't work, I would probably unfriend her.

gellchom

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #66 on: June 16, 2016, 02:07:16 PM »
I don't have Facebook, so I may not get it, but why respond at all?  You have your beliefs and point of views and you share them on Facebook.  Sometimes others will get offended but I think blocking or restricting them makes it seem like their views matter too you.

I would ignore her posts, like one ignores the comments on YouTube.  If you really believe in your convictions, understand that you will be opposed, and just continue to stand by them and let her fling all the hate your way, it can't hurt you. You know you're right.  Let her deal with the world on her own.  If and when she and her spouse, your sibling, meet you at a family event, and she brings it up, re-state your views and talk to someone else.

If we really care about our beliefs, I think we shouldn't hide from those who oppose us. Ignore foolishness yes, hide no.

As an aside, of course her hateful words my actually hurt you, and it may make life easier to block or unfriend and that's o.k.  But if you can take it, don't block her.  I feel like that would be allowing her to silence you.

This.  At most just explain it was posted on your wall generally, not sent to her specifically.   Resist the urge to talk about your right to express your opinions, her bigotry, or anything else.  It won't sink in in the slightest anyway.  Just ignore.  If this were in a real conversation, it might be different, but this is just Facebook, so you don't need to respond, and IMO shouldn't.

As EllenS wisely (as always) put it:
Quote
I'm not sure that calling someone out on their failings in such a way is strictly polite, or necessary.

I'd only add, "or effective."

JustEstelle

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #67 on: June 16, 2016, 02:08:07 PM »
I have someone very close to me who gets easily offended if he sees posts that are contrary to his political beliefs.  I do one of two things:  1.  I limit my postings and sharing to groups of like-minded individuals.  2.  If I choose to post or share on my own newsfeed but want to avoid possible backlash from this person, I change my audience for that post or share to "everyone except ___ ".  It's a pain to have to do this, I realize, but it is a possible solution if the person is otherwise someone you enjoy having around.  It's kind of like avoiding those "touchy subjects" in polite conversation.

I would stop doing that if I were you.  If he doesn't want to see it then he can make that change on his end.  Or you can put him on a restricted list so that you can post in peace.  If he wants to see what's happening with you, he can visit your newsfeed.

I didn't ask for advice; I was relating what works for me and offering the OP a possible solution.  If this doesn't work for you, that's okay.  I also see that someone else below me has suggested doing this exact same thing.

Allyson

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #68 on: June 19, 2016, 06:47:25 PM »
"I hear you, but I'm not going to change my views, so I can't promise that I won't post other things you disagree with. I won't be offended if you hide my posts, and I won't personally send you anything, but if I have strong feelings about something I sometimes will post about it."

MrTango

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #69 on: June 20, 2016, 06:29:47 PM »
I'm reminded of the car insurance advertisement where the old ladies are looking at someone's pictures literally attached to her living room wall.

"That's not how this works.  That's not how any of this works!"

floridamom

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #70 on: June 21, 2016, 01:09:34 PM »
I'm reminded of the car insurance advertisement where the old ladies are looking at someone's pictures literally attached to her living room wall.

"That's not how this works.  That's not how any of this works!"

LOL.. I was thinking the same thing :)

GardenGal

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #71 on: June 21, 2016, 04:43:55 PM »
I agree with PP that you've done all you can to educate your SIL about how facebook works, and that there is no need to change what you post.

I'd add that it is not a bad thing to see that someone SIL likes and cares about has a different political view from her own - perhaps it'll give her pause to reconsider her own views (yeah,right!). It's kind of how gay people and atheists have helped their cause by being out about themselves so people who know them can see that being gay or not believing in gods doesn't make you a horrible person. People are different - get over yourself.

Momof2Pekes

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Re: Stop sending me FB posts on "inflammatory" topic! UPDATE post # 34
« Reply #72 on: June 22, 2016, 01:38:45 PM »
OP again, I know I said I rarely see her but my brother came to town this week, with SIL in tow, so we met for supper last night. I was worried that the subject would come up but it didn't. I guess we both had said what we were going to say. So we all had a pleasant evening!

If it *had* come up, the only thing I might have said (besides re-iterating how FB works) was that Jesus spoke more about divorce and adultery than he did about homosexuality.

VorFemme

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There's no greater satisfaction than being told you're an idiot by someone who spells it "your".

Yes, there is, when they spell it "yur" once & a different way the second time, in the same post.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

TootsNYC

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There's no greater satisfaction than being told you're an idiot by someone who spells it "your".

Yes, there is, when they spell it "yur" once & a different way the second time, in the same post.

I would think those people are being funny. I don't get any secret satisfaction at being right when they're wrong, bcs they're being wrong on purpose, not being sanctimonious and unable to spell (or to understand basic logic).

Don't get me wrong--I NEVER, EVER (and I don't mean "hardly ever"--I mean "truly never") correct people's grammar or spelling anywhere but at work. And I sort of feel bad for people who use "your" wrong in general.

   That doesn't stop me from having that little shiver of superiority Wordgeek was referring to in situations when someone is being snotty to me but can't spell.