• April 22, 2018, 05:50:03 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Non Dismissive Bean Dip Application  (Read 3432 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.


  • Member
  • Posts: 731
Non Dismissive Bean Dip Application
« on: October 26, 2010, 01:20:25 PM »
I had this come up recently (different situation, no yaks were hurt in this demonstration) and think I could have handled it a bit better.  When a topic comes up that seems to be painful to a person but they can't seem to bean dip themselves, how do you beandip without coming off as dismissive.  Example:

New Person:  We are finally all moved in!  I'm so glad to be unpacked.
DrinkingTea:  How do you like your new house?
New Person:  It's great, but I miss my pet yak. 
DrinkingTea:  What happened to your yak?
New Person:  He ate all the cardboard boxes after midnight but we didn't know he was half mogwai and turned into a gremlin. 
DrinkingTea:  I'm sorry to hear that.  [pause]
New Person:  [looks sad]
DrinkingTea:  So...are you coming to the baseball game next week?



  • Member
  • Posts: 13858
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Non Dismissive Bean Dip Application
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2010, 01:42:29 PM »
Sounds fine to me.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.


  • Member
  • Posts: 6870
Re: Non Dismissive Bean Dip Application
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2010, 05:16:56 AM »
I might have added something about "I know it's hard to lose a pet" otherwise it just might come off as dismissive.


  • Member
  • Posts: 1979
Re: Non Dismissive Bean Dip Application
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2010, 05:37:57 AM »
I don't think you did anything wrong at all.  I agree with Raintree that maybe acknowledging how hard it is to lose a pet could be helpful.

Also, in general, when I want to beandip without coming across as dismissive, I try to change the subject without changing it too much.  Like, in your case I might have said "so are you guys planning any home improvement projects for when the weather is nicer?" or "Did you ever decide what color to decorate that half bath?"  It's steering away from the uncomfortable topic, but still kind of sounds like something you might have been planning to ask anyway.

That's more in general, though.  If she was visibly upset then I'm sure she was grateful for a completely new topic.