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Author Topic: You're not my mother!!!  (Read 31923 times)

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  • I am not a fish
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You're not my mother!!!
« on: October 29, 2010, 10:59:00 AM »
My boyfriend and I have had new flatmates for the past couple of months, there have been a few issues but I'll start with the one bothering me now.

I'm starting to feel picked on by them, likely that is not their intent but it's what they make me feel. They'll be telling me what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be.
At the moment I do not have work, but they will make comments such as just after my boyfriend got a job recently "Now you just need to find work and then you can contribute to the household!", general comments about I should get work like everyone else there, I should keep looking etc.
Aside from feeling like a put down my financials are also none of their business. whether I have an income or not has no bearing on them so I don't see why they think they should be remarking on it.

The more common one is in regard to my health. They will tell me to have more fruit/vegetables, tell my boyfriend to put more vegetables into my food and 'make her eat it' and so forth. So every so often I get told to eat fruit or something, or she will pass by my door on her way out and tell me to eat whateveritis. A couple of nights ago I went to had a chocolate snack in hand, and one came over to pull it out of my hands and tell me 'No you have to eat a banana first!' while essentially knocking me over and piling on top of me. Maybe it's all fun and games to them, but it made me feel bad and humiliated. I ended up just being annoyed the rest of the night. There's currently a note on the fridge (god I hate all the notes on that fridge) with my name on it and days of the week and fruit and vegetable on it. One night has been ticked because I ate my fruit and veg that day  ::)
Another one was I came into the kitchen while one flatmate and my boyfriend were talking. It came to the topic of teeth, and she made a comment on that general misconception of a stereotype about British people and their teeth. I pointed out that that stereotype was proven wrong, that actually they have among the best teeth in the world, if not the best. She then got my boyfriend to show her his perfect teeth, then wanted to see mine. I said no, as I have bad teeth and do not like showing them. She then goes on to tell me that it's because of all the cola I drink etc.

Arrrgh, these things are no one elses business but my own or perhaps my boyfriends. I just want these matters left alone. How should I go about getting them off my back?  ???


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2010, 11:23:29 AM »
I think this is a rather cold, "How kind of you to take an interest," or "Thanks for your concern," situation. Which you already know, because you posted it in this folder. So have you tried it?


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2010, 12:25:03 PM »

Oh, boy. That would seriously tick me off. The way you phrased that sounds like it is your (and boyfriend's?) place and they are staying with you? I'd likely bring that up if it were me and suggest that if they couldn't mind their own business when it came to my finances and diet maybe the living situation was not going to work out. I would definitely quietly remove the little note from the fridge. You say maybe it is all fun and games ... are they aware you no longer think it is funny (if you ever did?)?

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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2010, 03:22:08 PM »

I see them bullying and harrassing you.

I would put "you need to" :) but I really suggest nip it in the butt now. Say something, politely if possible, about it not being their business. Thank them for their concern but its not something up for discussion.



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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2010, 06:27:28 PM »
Evil Rosgrana wants you to put a chart on the fridge headed "Rude Comments About Things That Are Not (Name)'s Business" and columns to tick for "Skoffin's Food" "Skoffin's Health" and "Skoffin's Finances".  >:D

Evil Rosgrana does not play well with others.

To be a bit more serious, what about planning with your boyfriend to sit the new flatmates down and say that you think you will all get on better, and there'll be less friction, if your private lives aren't up for discussion. You could list a selection of off-limits topics, such as relationship advice, food, religion, finances, political views, medical matters, etc.


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2010, 06:34:27 PM »
You and your boyfriend should present a united front on this.  They're not just overstepping their bounds with you, but also with him and your relationship. (He should MAKE you eat vegetables?  Seriously?)

"My food is none of your business.  Drop the subject, please."


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2010, 05:52:41 AM »
when i was much younger  i shared a house with rachel and her young son.  we all got along great and most of the time things went very well.    rachel was only a year older than me but she was already a mother and in the grip of parenthood and very organised and in charge.

she liked to run things for me too.  after going thru this for a while i finally had to say to her  that i moved out of home so i could escape from having my life run for me.   

since i moved out of home 10 years ago  absolutely no one tells me how to run my life.

im totally appalled that they basically put you in a football scrum and assaulted you  (in a fun way ::)  )  so you would do things their way.   next time that happens   scream  and scream loudly.


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2010, 11:22:14 AM »
Well, to address one issue, I consider any note address to me to be my property, so that note on the fridge with your fruit schedule would be in the garbage.


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2010, 11:28:58 AM »
Wait until they are all together. Get the note and rip it up in front of them and tell them in no uncertain terms that they are being very rude and that you are not prepared to deal with any more of this nonsense. Deal with any further notes or intrusive behaviour in the same way.

If necessary, resort to "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

They are behaving like bullies. You don't have to take that nonsense from them.
NE England


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2010, 11:41:53 AM »
You: "My dietary choices are not up for discussion."

Roommate: "But we just want to HELP you!"

You: "Consider the subject closed." 

Repeat as necessary.  Normally I wouldn't advise being so abrupt, but their actions are very intrusive and quite frankly, none of their business. 

If they continue, you can simply say, 'We've already discussed this, and the subject is still closed."  I would honestly take the fruit and veg chart off the fridge and throw it away.  No need to put up with the food police in your own home.   
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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2010, 12:23:39 PM »
I can *almost* understand their concern about the finances. Almost. Even if I could understand it, it's not their business unless your end of the bargain isn't being fulfilled in terms of rent/household contributions, etc.

The rest of it, though:  :o

I agree that you and your BF will need to present a united front.  It's not that you "can't take a joke," it's that the "joke" just is not funny.  It is no one's business what you eat, except your own and possibly your doctor's.  I do think a "house rules" meeting is in order, and they need to abide by them.  And those notices on the fridge need to go.  You're a grown person, not  a five year old who needs incentives to do chores.


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2010, 01:39:46 PM »
It makes me mad when people behave like this. As a PP said, they're bullying you. Don't stand for it.

Not that there's any excuse, but do you have any idea why they're doing this? Where did they get the impression that it's okay to treat you like this? What does your boyfriend do when they do these things?

gramma dishes

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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2010, 02:11:59 PM »
Why are you living with people like this?


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #13 on: October 31, 2010, 10:39:54 PM »
Why are you living with people like this?

That too.  ???


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Re: You're not my mother!!!
« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2010, 11:12:19 PM »
That isn't funny at all. It's a power tripping bit of annoyance and the fact you are even questioning whether they have nice motives and letting them do this is disturbing.

I think your title (slightly modified) is the best response. Just a super sarcastic "Thanks Mom!".
As for the list, I like the modifications to "Things that are not your business list"