Author Topic: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion  (Read 3480 times)

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NAOMI169

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Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« on: June 19, 2007, 09:16:16 AM »
I am doing this post looking for opinions and past experiences with successes and failures.  My husband and I are beginning to plan our daughter's Bat Mitzvah for June of 2008. 1st off let me say this will not be mega fancy, but, geared towards family and friends.  My daughter, 12 (and her sister, 9, and their brother, 8,) are extremely close with ALL the kids in our neighborhood.  The kids (10 of them, 3 different families) range in age from newborn to 6 years of age.  My husband mentioned casually to his Mom the other night that we were thinking of inviting all the neighbors (who we are close with) and their kids to the ceremony and the reception.  My Mother-In-Law (I do love her dearly) was quite adamant that we should limit the children to immediate family and in short by pass the kids in the neighborhood.  I must add, we are paying; she is not.  I think the swelling in my tongue has started to subside.  I must mention that the children in the so called "immediate family" we see once or twice per year; the kids' birthday and Christmas Eve dinner (that's a topic for a different post).  My kids know who they are and are fond of them, but, they in no way spend the time with them that they do with the kids in the neighborhood.  I'd love to hear pro's and con's on my situation.

chigger

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2007, 09:28:10 AM »
Your party, your money, YOU decide the guest list.  None of you MIL business.

Jaywalker

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2007, 09:33:14 AM »
time to stop discussing details with your MIL -- not her party -- do what you think will be most memorable for your daughter

if she wants to discuss guest lists, it is 'oh that is under control'  and move the discussion to the Torah portion or something else that she can talk about but not influence

can't imagine this is about 'pros and cons' -- it seems like it is about meddlesome MILs who have no business being pushy about such things

caranfin

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2007, 09:37:46 AM »
Stop discussing this with your MIL immediately. If she brings it up, tell her "it's under control." If she mentions the guest list, tell her "we'll invite who is important." And then change the subject!
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Chivewarrior

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2007, 02:50:36 PM »
Yes, just invite whoever you want to invite, especially if your daughters are closer to these neighbors than to the immediate family children.

sparksals

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2007, 06:39:08 PM »
Are the neighbourhood children not Jewish? The reason I'm asking is maybe MIL doesn't want Non-Jewish people there? 

At any rate, your party. Your money. Your guestlist.  Your decision.

loopey2u

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2007, 10:22:36 PM »
Your party, your money, your decision on who gets invites.

None of her business even though it is her grandchild unless she's paying.

I agree with all those who say to stop discussing the party now with your MIL or before you know it she'll be trying to run the whole thing.   

If she insists on bringing the guest list up, tell her the invites have already gone out, and you're hoping everybody invited can come. 


Lisbeth

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2007, 10:44:39 PM »
If you and your husband want to invite the neighborhood children, then as the hosts that is your right and privilege.

It is not your MIL's place to pass judgment about that or any other decision you make concerning the bat mitzvah, especially as she is not paying.
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NAOMI169

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Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2007, 08:06:18 AM »
My Mother-in-Law doesn't have issues with anyone who is not Jewish; so that's not it.

cicero

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2007, 12:58:18 PM »
i think its a great idea - that's what bar/bat mitsvah's are about. the child is the focus and should have his/her friends.

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AndreaX

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2007, 08:29:43 PM »
Hey, whoever pays, plays. Invite whoever you want.

bopper

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #11 on: June 21, 2007, 10:22:43 AM »
Your party, you decide...however, don't these ceremonies run 2+ hours?  And the kids are 0-6 years old?  Will that work?  Does a 12 year old really want a bunch of little kids at her Bar Mitzvah party?  Wouldn't she really want kids her own age?

Sibby

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #12 on: June 21, 2007, 02:22:16 PM »
I work at mega-mitzvahs (LI/NYC area) and went to about 2 dozen bar/bat mitzvahs when i was 13.  i have never been to a bar/bat mitzvah that had less than 40 kids (under 16) in attendance.  certainly all of the close friends of the kid being mitzvahed (sorry of that's inncorrect grammar) and even the close friends of the parents (incl. neighbors!) were invited.

Just ignore your MIL.  When she makes suggestions (demands) just smile and say "hmmmm, we'll keep that in mind."  And be honest - really do keep her idea in mind as you address, stamp & mail those invites to whomever you want.  Thinking about her suggestion does not mean following it.  >:D

Clara Bow

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2007, 11:23:12 PM »
Mazel tov to your daughter! Oh man, I hope that is correct. I am a hopeless shiksa....
I think that you're perfectly within your rights to invite whoever you please. Your MIL is being a buttinsky and you need to politely tell her to back down.
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Lisbeth

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Re: Bat Mitzvah/Bar Mitzvah Opinion
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2007, 11:30:16 PM »
Mazel tov to your daughter! Oh man, I hope that is correct. I am a hopeless shiksa....
I think that you're perfectly within your rights to invite whoever you please. Your MIL is being a buttinsky and you need to politely tell her to back down.

Auntie Venom, you got it right.  That means you aren't a hopeless shiksa...just a shiksa.  :-)
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