General Etiquette > Family and Children

How do I tell my parents that their "gifts" were not appropriate?

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Betsy:
Sorry this is so long, I got going and couldnt stop.  :-[

Heres the back story. DFH and I got engaged at easter this year so this is the first christmas he is "in the family" and really gets gifts. Yesterday (Christmas Eve) we spent with our families seperately since both insist on Christmas eve celebrations. My family sent back gifts for CB (DFH) to open and had me open my gifts there and also to open our "together" gifts (ones that are meant to be used by both of us). Im used to getting semi-crappy gifts from my parents but they do put a decent amount of money into buying said crappy presents (basically mom picks out things she would want as gifts and then give them to my sisters and I as our presents) And I understand that mom might have a hard time picking gifts for me, if I find something I want I buy it for myself, having no children and a very lucrative job allows me such luxeries.

Our together gifts were also of that variety: A very nice leaded crystal picture frame for our upcoming wedding (or to hold our engagement pic until then) but totally not our style, a container of coffee mate gingerbread flavor (we dont drink coffee, never have and likely never will, mom said that we should have creamer so that when we have guests (ie them) over they dont have to use milk in their coffee) and a christmas music CD from an artist that mom likes and I hate.

But what really got my blood boiling is that mom and dad got CB 4 pairs of black socks and a collapsable Mr Clean bathroom squeegy. Thats it. Now theyve known him for 2 years. They know he likes computers, video games, books, etc. And even if he doesnt "love" it he can always use more tools (what man cant?) Frankly he doesnt care if they dont buy him anything, I dont care if they dont buy him anything but they seem to have gone out of their way to insult him with their gifts. It only upsets me even more because his dad and his dad's gf bought me a very nice imported italian glass bowl and some very nice chocolate scented bath stuff.

Is there a way for me to tell my mom and dad to just give him a gift card to best buy or barnes and noble? or that we should just not exchange christmas gifts since Im an adult now?

kckgirl:

--- Quote from: MrsDroege on December 25, 2006, 05:02:07 PM ---And I understand that mom might have a hard time picking gifts for me, if I find something I want I buy it for myself, having no children and a very lucrative job allows me such luxeries.

<SNIP>

But what really got my blood boiling is that mom and dad got CB 4 pairs of black socks and a collapsable Mr Clean bathroom squeegy. Thats it. <SNIP AGAIN> I dont care if they dont buy him anything but they seem to have gone out of their way to insult him with their gifts.
--- End quote ---

It sounds more like they're clueless instead of going out of their way to be insulting.

Sandi Papaya:
Unfortunately, this is one of those clueless but tacky instances of gift-giving rather than outright nastiness, so there's no way you come out of this one looking good if you point it out.

Save the flavored creamer for when your folks (or coffee-drinking guests) visit, use the nice picture frame for your engagement/wedding picture (even if it's not to your taste, leaded crystal isn't something to sneeze at, if it's well-crafted!), and take back the (hopefully unopened) CD for something you like, Christmasy or not.

As for your FH...well, put a good face on it, shrug it off and move on. Black socks are a practical gift that everyone can use, if not the greatest gift in the world. As for the Mr. Clean squeegee - also not the best gift but it was given with good intentions. Just point out, before the next gift-giving occasion, that "DF really likes" gift cards to some game store or something like that. Lather, rinse, repeat. If they don't listen you've got good gag gifts for the next White Elephant office gift exchange (but make sure you've got something good to give with it - nothing worse than receiving a tacky gag gift and not get anything good with it!).

kkl123:
You can't.  You can help them out with wishlists and such, and 10-ton hints like "he'd really like the new recording of XYZ" or "he was muttering about hating the crescent wrench we have, says he wish we had a 12" crescent", but that's about it.  If you can find some avenue where their interests and his intersect, you're likely to have better luck -- I've gotten cooking-related things from my inlaws for years while DH has gotten subscriptions to his favorite magazines from my mom.

Smile.  Say thank you.  Use what you can, pass the rest along.

Betsy:

--- Quote from: kkl123 on December 25, 2006, 07:28:31 PM ---You can't.  You can help them out with wishlists and such, and 10-ton hints

--- End quote ---

Thats just the thing. Mom specifically asked for a list of what to get each of us, I told her and not only did she not get anything off that list she got things that were completely the other direction of anything I mentioned.. grrr >:(

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