Author Topic: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist  (Read 1453 times)

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McCutieBelle

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Re: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2011, 12:08:59 PM »
Dear Mean Reader,

My roommate is driving me NUTS! I have lived on her couch for 9 months now and while I have not paid rent nor cleaned, I did buy a nice candle the other day for our kitchen. She interupts my 10 hours of couch time while trying to watch my stories with "hey, maybe you should take a shower" or "hey there is an opening for a job at local store, I got you an application" EXCUSE ME my stories are on, and the heroine has been kidnapped by her evil persumed dead sister, I cannot be bothered by this.

What do I do about this most displeasureable roommate?

Thanks,

Slothy McAwesome
"Life's like an hour glass glued to the table and no one can find the rewind button boy. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe"

Lisbeth

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Re: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2011, 12:19:06 PM »
Dear Slothy McAwesome,

Turn her into a pleasurable one.

There are multiple ways to go about this:
a) Hire a cleaning service for the apartment
b) Add a spa with a whirlpool and sauna to the apartment, for her and you to enjoy
c) Obtain gainful employment at an establishment she patronizes, so you can offer her discounts
d) Purchase a dog

All on your own time and dime, of course.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
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NYC

CakeBeret

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Re: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2011, 01:09:38 PM »
Dear MeanReader,

I just can't understand why my friends don't like me anymore. We like to get together on weekends and cut loose a little bit. I always love to get drunk. And I usually bring some illegal substances along with me, but hey, nobody likes a stick in the mud. Anyway, I get real...touchy-feely when I'm drunk. But my friends should be honored! I mean, if I find them attractive enough to hit on them drunkenly, shouldn't they recognize that for the complement it is?

Plus, my friends don't seem to understand my relationship with Pookie, my miniature poodle. Pookie goes with me anywhere; she is a delicate creature and can't bear to be away from me. It's really hilarious when Pookie gets drunk! My friends don't like her coming to parties, because one time she chewed up my friend's brand-new Prada purse. But my friend should have known better to bring a Prada purse to a party where Pookie was going to be in attendance, right?!

So tell me, Mean Reader, what should I do about my friends to make them like me more?

Yours truly,

Life of the Party
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Lisbeth

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Re: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #18 on: January 17, 2011, 11:12:38 PM »
Dear Life of the Party,

Unfortunately, your friends are hopeless cases of accelerated development.  They had to grow up hard and fast and just can't appreciate the need to get loose, high, and laid.  They are also pet-paranoiacs if they can't understand Pookie's need to mutilate Prada purses.

If you really want to convince these people that you are worth partying with, you could 1) spike their drinks and turn their pets loose, 2) entertain in an environment surrounded by padded walls, or 3) buy a life insurance policy on yourself with them as the beneficiaries.  I think that with this crowd, the third option is the most likely to produce positive results.

Ta-ta!

MeanReader
I'm away from sanity right now...please leave a message after the beep.
NYC

CakeBeret

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Re: Revival of the Evil Advice Columnist
« Reply #19 on: January 17, 2011, 11:17:54 PM »
I'm laughing so hard, KR!
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."