Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Chronic Non-RSVP'ers

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sparksals:
I've posted in the past about our Canadian Club and how we celebrate Canadian holidays.  The next event is Canada Day and a potluck BBQ is planned.  All the events are potluck so that the hostess isn't overrun by the cost of being hostess. This works out very well - for the most part.  Last event was an Italian night.  Everyone brought pasta, different wines, italian veggie dishes etc.  A good time was had by all.

Anyway, when the notice goes out for the event, the person handling the mail list says to RSVP in both the affirmative or negative.  We know that literally, RSPV means to send your regrets, but we do ask for a response either way and we clearly specify a date and that a yes or a no is required.  A reminder is also sent to people who have not responded asking if they will attend. Most people are very good about this and we appreciate that even if they cannot come, it's nice that the event is acknowledged.  It is also done this way because there are alot of snowbirds in the group, so that we know they will not be in town for a certain period of time.  What's funny is those people we know are not in town always give the courtesy of an email back that they can't make it!  However, one person in particular always ignores the invites and reminders.

Over the course of this club's evolution, there have been chronic non-rsvp'ers who never respond to any invites.  We decided that after three in a row of not responding at all, that they will be removed from the list as we assume they are not interested in participating.  If they ask to be put back on, they are of course welcome to come back.  It's just alot of trouble organizing these events, the same people do it all the time, the same people attend and then there's the people to take it for granted, never offer to host.

This one lady, I'll call Debbie, is one of the chronic non-rspv'ers.  Debbie was removed from the list a couple events ago and recently emailed me to ask if anything was planned.  I forwarded her message on to the hostess, who happens to be the person who maintains the mail list - I'll call her Sally.  Sally didn't want to, but she emailed Debbie back and told her of the event that was two days away.  Debbie said she would attend with her husband and she would bring X dish.  Wouldn't you know, they did not show up,  they did not even call to cancel and they did not even email Sally after the fact to apologize for not attending.  Of course, Sally was furious and rightfully so. 

So, now we are planning Canada Day.  After Debbie enquired about the Italian event, said she would attend and then didn't have the courtesy to call, she was removed from the list again.  She just emailed me the other day to ask if anything is planned for Canada Day.  I haven't responded yet. 

We work hard to maintain this club.  If it weren't for a select few individuals and those who host, the club would not continue.  Debbie's lack of RSVPs, saying she will come and then not showing up when we are relying upon her potluck dishes have become extremely annoying.  Of course, we understand that things happen, but in Debbie's case this is a chronic problem and it appears she has absolutely no respect for the time and effort it takes to plan these things.

Would it be rude to ignore her email?  Sure, we could assign her something easy that we do not rely upon, but that is not fair to the other members of the group who are reliable.  I'm tempted to email her back and tell her that her chronic non-rsvp'g and the fact she was a no-show got her removed from the list.  Of course, I know that would not be polite. 

Sally thinks we should give Debbie a taste of her own medicine so she knows what it's like not to get a response!  Quite frankly, I do agree with Sally on this one.

So, how do we handle this in a polite and fair manner?  Would it be rude to tell her why she doesn't get the invites anymore?  Would it be rude to tell her she was rude not to show without the courtesy of a phone call to cancel? (BTW, I know the answer to the last question! lol)



Chocolate Cake:
I would first arrange that anyone who is dropped for failing to RSVP 3x in a row, should have a mandatory "time out period" of 4-5 events so they may not just re-new immediately.  Also, I would change 3x down to 2x.   

For this case, her no-show after an affirmative RSVP should entitle her to a one-way ticket to no longer being in the group.   If you want to give her one more chance, tell her that she's out for another 3 events and then can try again, but that it will be her last chance.

sparksals:

--- Quote from: Chocolate Cake on June 19, 2007, 07:46:58 PM ---I would first arrange that anyone who is dropped for failing to RSVP 3x in a row, should have a mandatory "time out period" of 4-5 events so they may not just re-new immediately.  Also, I would change 3x down to 2x.   

For this case, her no-show after an affirmative RSVP should entitle her to a one-way ticket to no longer being in the group.   If you want to give her one more chance, tell her that she's out for another 3 events and then can try again, but that it will be her last chance.

--- End quote ---

Who would think that a group of adults would have to resort to this, eh?  I feel booting her out is sort of like Jr. High, but at the same time, we are tired of her showing absolutely no respect for the trouble it takes to maintain this group.

Don't get me wrong, we have alot of great people who I call friends.  I really enjoy the events that we have and we are all at the point of hugging hello and goodbye when we see each other.  It really is a great group comraderie for those who regularly attend and we always welcome new members with open arms.

Lisbeth:
I think Debbie should be told that she is no longer being invited because of her tendency to either fail to RSVP or to RSVP and then not show up.  I'd word it like, "Debbie, when we invite you and you either don't RSVP or RSVP and then don't show up, we end up having to pay for food you don't consume, as well as worry about you and wonder if you are okay.  We've decided that as this isn't okay with us,  we are not issuing you invitations anymore."

sparksals:

--- Quote from: KeenReader on June 19, 2007, 10:51:52 PM ---I think Debbie should be told that she is no longer being invited because of her tendency to either fail to RSVP or to RSVP and then not show up.  I'd word it like, "Debbie, when we invite you and you either don't RSVP or RSVP and then don't show up, we end up having to pay for food you don't consume, as well as worry about you and wonder if you are okay.  We've decided that as this isn't okay with us,  we are not issuing you invitations anymore."

--- End quote ---

KR - as always such a diplomat, and one who gets the point across in an eloquent, but firm manner. 

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