Author Topic: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...  (Read 13064 times)

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squashedfrog

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #45 on: November 18, 2010, 04:49:11 AM »
Part of me wants to know WHY she thinks "all men cheat". None of the men I know(or have known--some of them have died.) would EVER cheat on their wives(or their fiancees, or their girlfriends)!

I agree, I think it speaks volumes about her lifestyle choices rather than anything else.  She is obviously a very bitter person.

I often wonder how these women would react if a man announced loudly to them that all women were cheating, lying, so-and-sos who can’t be trusted.  I imagine they’d take offence on such a stupid generalization.

I had a friend that would also tell any woman in her acquaintance that "all men cheat", Apparently, every time our OHs went for a beer with their friends, and the GF wasn't invited, then they would actually be out with another woman.  Even if a girl commented that she’d had flowers from her OH, this friend would announce loudly “he’s probably doing it out of guilt”.

Needless to say, the ladies who she said this to, (and many times hardly knew) were extremely put out that she was making such horrible and totally unfounded accusations against men she had never even met, and stopped hanging around with us.  This soon meant that our social group dwindled considerably.

Her basis for this?  Two of her long term boyfriends had cheated on her.  And other relationships had fizzled out as a result of “him flirting”.   She was then long term single, and very bitter indeed.

In the end, when she began accusing my boyfriend of obviously cheating on me (he’d been out with his family), I’m afraid I lost my temper, and pointed out that the only common denominator in this cheating saga was not “all men”, it was simply her.   

The problem was she would always pick a guy that had to be the centre of attention, overly obsessed with their appearance and most definitely the biggest flirt in the room.  She had always said that other men (i.e. ones we went out with) were boring, and she needed a man who was a challenge.   And she was surprised when they continued their behavior with her. Seriously? 

Am afraid our friendship fizzled out after this confrontation.   She took my challenge as “its just you men want to cheat on, there is something wrong with you”, which wasn’t what I meant at all, but I think she was so ready to believe it, that I wonder if this was the reason for all the bitterness after all.

Jan74

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #46 on: November 18, 2010, 07:22:33 AM »
The reason she sounds guilty and jealous is that she cares so much about what OP does or doesn't do.

People comfortable with their own choice don't feel the need to judge others for being different.

Twik

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #47 on: November 18, 2010, 05:21:18 PM »
OP, I waited until I was married to 'bump uglies' too - you're not alone in that.  ;) I got assumptions served left and right for marrying at 21 - I was too young or other *&^$#!... ???
(Never saw the problem of nabbing Mr. Right when I met him and still together for 13+ years.  8) But for some 'worldly' people...*sigh* )

I agree with PP's what she's doing is sexual harassment and even bullying to a certain degree. Good grief, she made her decisions and lives with the consequences - she doesn't have any right attempting to force you to do the same. Part of me wonders if she's trying to soothe over some guilt by not being the only one that did that?  :-\
Just got to stand firm with her and tell her with no uncertain terms the topic's closed like Toots have told others in similar circumstances.



That's a rather interesting assumption in and of itself. I will never understand why those that don’t always seem to think those that do are either guilty or jealous, and have no issue saying so. Were the shoe on the other foot people would be protesting left and right. It's not cool.

Not all people who are "sexually open" go around bullying other people. It's not unreasonable to suggest that this might be a case of "protesting too much".

However, myself, I think it's simply that she has absolutely, positively no concept that people might, for reasons which are not pathological, deprive themselves of sexual enjoyment at any time or in any amount. To her, there must be *something* wrong with people who don't play scrabble anywhere, anyhow, anytime, with anyone. And, in her view, *of course* men (and women) cheat like Louisiana cardsharks. Because, to her, there's absolutely no reason not to.
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Ginderette

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #48 on: November 19, 2010, 05:17:11 AM »
OP, I waited until I was married to 'bump uglies' too - you're not alone in that.  ;) I got assumptions served left and right for marrying at 21 - I was too young or other *&^$#!... ???
(Never saw the problem of nabbing Mr. Right when I met him and still together for 13+ years.  8) But for some 'worldly' people...*sigh* )

I agree with PP's what she's doing is sexual harassment and even bullying to a certain degree. Good grief, she made her decisions and lives with the consequences - she doesn't have any right attempting to force you to do the same. Part of me wonders if she's trying to soothe over some guilt by not being the only one that did that?  :-\
Just got to stand firm with her and tell her with no uncertain terms the topic's closed like Toots have told others in similar circumstances.



That's a rather interesting assumption in and of itself. I will never understand why those that don’t always seem to think those that do are either guilty or jealous, and have no issue saying so. Were the shoe on the other foot people would be protesting left and right. It's not cool.

Not all people who are "sexually open" go around bullying other people. It's not unreasonable to suggest that this might be a case of "protesting too much".

However, myself, I think it's simply that she has absolutely, positively no concept that people might, for reasons which are not pathological, deprive themselves of sexual enjoyment at any time or in any amount. To her, there must be *something* wrong with people who don't play scrabble anywhere, anyhow, anytime, with anyone. And, in her view, *of course* men (and women) cheat like Louisiana cardsharks. Because, to her, there's absolutely no reason not to.

Well, to be honest, it is a curious assumption on my behalf, true - but often in my experience when someone's pushing for their way to be 'right' they are often trying to justify their own actions. After all, if everyone does it, it can't be wrong...cue in the whole 'if everyone ran off the cliff' counterargument.

Naturally, the impression I got could be very wrong but people do curious things when trying to quiet the their conscience at times.  :-\
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Hanna

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #49 on: November 19, 2010, 05:35:19 PM »
I agree Ginderette.  And I know you didn't mean that everyone making those choices feels the need to justify them by bullying someone that chooses a different path.

supernova

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #50 on: November 19, 2010, 05:41:28 PM »
Absolutely. I'm not reading this as "everyone who did/didn't play Scrabble before marriage feels..." but "Ms. Uglies in particular feels...".

Whatever particular bee Ms. Uglies has in her bonnet, though, is now no longer the OP's concern. And thank goodness for that. :) Hooray for Boss, indeed!  :)

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Venus193

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #51 on: November 19, 2010, 06:26:20 PM »
I'm late to this thread but what a tale of Professional Darwinism at work.  Had I been the boss I would have been very tempted to say "You'll never work in this town again" but that would be an actionable statement.

Nellop, don't bother any more with that "mutual friend."  Get this person out of your life yesterday.

hobish

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #52 on: November 19, 2010, 06:55:00 PM »

Alright, I can see that.

I just think were someone to suggest that someone felt guilty for *not* having relations before marriage all heck would break loose. It’s an interesting double standard. I don’t think double standard is quite the word I am looking for. I am not trying to start an argument; I really do think it is interesting, in the true sense of the word.

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Amalthea

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #53 on: November 19, 2010, 08:14:09 PM »

Alright, I can see that.

I just think were someone to suggest that someone felt guilty for *not* having relations before marriage all heck would break loose. It’s an interesting double standard. I don’t think double standard is quite the word I am looking for. I am not trying to start an argument; I really do think it is interesting, in the true sense of the word.



Actually, I don't think that's the case.  Say the OP and coworkers beliefs were reversed; OP has no problems with relations before marriage and coworker does.  Coworker, still being completely nuts in this version, constantly tells the OP she's going to hell.  I'm pretty sure most ehellions would agree that the coworker has issues with her decision, which is why she feels the need to validate it by forcing it on the OP.

BeagleMommy

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #54 on: November 19, 2010, 08:40:27 PM »
I hate when someone is asked to stop offensive behavior and they pull the old "I was only joking I didn't think it bothered you".  If I'm not laughing I don't find it funny.  Nellop, I'm very glad things worked out to the benefit of you and everyone else.  EvilCW is a bully in every sense of the word.  I'd wager a guess that the rest of the company is glad she's gone.

dizzygoround

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #55 on: November 20, 2010, 10:11:12 AM »
My theory is that CW's horrible personality has been sending men running for the hills, so she now hates them all, along with any woman who appears to have a stable, loving relationship. Because it's just not faaaaiiiiiir that Nellop can hold a man and she can't.

Nellop

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #56 on: November 20, 2010, 08:51:49 PM »
I'd wager a guess that the rest of the company is glad she's gone.

If you put money on it, then you'd be swimming in cash.
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magician5

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #57 on: November 20, 2010, 09:44:56 PM »
... I had no need to justify myself to this woman ...

I suppose there was a good reason to discuss this AT ALL with this woman? The most intimate detail about your life and it's a topic for lunchroom chitchat?
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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #58 on: November 20, 2010, 09:52:46 PM »
I'd wager a guess that the rest of the company is glad she's gone.

If you put money on it, then you'd be swimming in cash.
Alas, friday was my last day - my contract is over and I am free (to go and look for the next job).
People I didn't know were coming over to say goodbye, and thank you for everything I had done. Constant emphasis on the everything.

Now I just have to hope that the next job comes a long swifly, all my paper done, and there are no bat-poo crazy people working there!

I think you handled yourself very well, and maybe learned a valuable lesson in who you confide your really private stuff to. I don't know if 'mutual friend' is also a friend outside of work, but you may want to re-examine that friendship.

But, all-in-all, well done, and yay for nice CW to stick up for what was right here.

Hanna

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Re: You don't live your life like mine! Here, have an assumption...
« Reply #59 on: November 20, 2010, 10:45:39 PM »
... I had no need to justify myself to this woman ...

I suppose there was a good reason to discuss this AT ALL with this woman? The most intimate detail about your life and it's a topic for lunchroom chitchat?
I think if you go back and read the thread again it will make more sense.
Nellop didn't bring up this topic, a friend from church shared information with her.  Nellop didn't encourage or engage in the topic, only tried to fend off the attacks out of discomfort and in an attempt to protect her job. 

And it's actually the lack of intimate detail that was the topic.  ;)