Author Topic: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin  (Read 14439 times)

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Two Ravens

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2010, 12:31:22 PM »
Because she felt it would be rude to point out that she worked hard to get that way.

Because so many people (as evidenced here) believe that when you point out that you worked hard to achieve <thing they haven't acheived> that you are somehow passing judgement upon them.

It doesn't take mentally comparing oneself to others to be offended by the idea that one is just "lucky" when indeed one is busting their own tail to get what they want.

Why would it be rude?

Hanna

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2010, 12:35:04 PM »
Because she felt it would be rude to point out that she worked hard to get that way.

Because so many people (as evidenced here) believe that when you point out that you worked hard to achieve <thing they haven't acheived> that you are somehow passing judgement upon them.

It doesn't take mentally comparing oneself to others to be offended by the idea that one is just "lucky" when indeed one is busting their own tail to get what they want.

Why would it be rude?
I'm not sure it would be, but she obviously felt so.  Perhaps because many would take that to mean they aren't putting in any effort or they would look that way as well.  We all know that isn't necessarily true, but still people may construe it to mean that.

cbcb

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2010, 12:35:17 PM »
Because she felt it would be rude to point out that she worked hard to get that way.

Because so many people (as evidenced here) believe that when you point out that you worked hard to achieve <thing they haven't acheived> that you are somehow passing judgement upon them.

It doesn't take mentally comparing oneself to others to be offended by the idea that one is just "lucky" when indeed one is busting their own tail to get what they want.

Why would it be rude?

It could very well be taken that way, and because of the exact same assumptions that posters are making here - that her saying why she personally is thin is somehow a judgement on others. Her response could be taken as rude, regardless of the fact that the person commenting on her body and assuming she's "lucky" is actually the rude one.


I'm really surprised that anyone would see that comment as a compliment that she should just smile and accept!

TurtleDove

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2010, 12:41:17 PM »
I'm with the posters who believe the "lucky you are thin"  commenters were out of line.

I do not believe it would be rude for the SIL to, in response, explain exactly what she does to stay thin. It is not a judgment on anyone else; it is a statement of fact that "luck" has nothing to do with it and hard work and discipline, at least for the SIL, does.

That said, as evidenced by some of the comments on this thread, anything weight related or any statement that a person has some control over her weight seems to offend some people, even when no offense is intended and certainly would not be universally assumed.

I believe that if a person comments on another's body, it is not rude to correct any incorrect assumptions made by the commenter.

BuffaloFang

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2010, 12:45:34 PM »
I find it a bit...offensive for lack of a better word...when people tell me I'm lucky to be thin as well.

I work VERY hard to stay thin.  My body naturally tends towards bulkier, especially since I'm short.  When people tell me it's luck, it invalidates all of the work I do to maintain the body I want.  As a PP stated, it could be the same as saying to someone who struggled and sacrificed to become a manager that they're "lucky" or to a student with straight-A's that they're "lucky". (not to say that there aren't people who ARE just lucky, but how do you know?)

I think generally commenting about other peoples' bodies is just a horrible idea all around. You don't know if they're naturally thin, if they work out 3 hours a day to get that way, if they have medical issues, etc.

Hanna

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2010, 12:48:00 PM »
I do not believe it would be rude for the SIL to, in response, explain exactly what she does to stay thin. It is not a judgment on anyone else; it is a statement of fact that "luck" has nothing to do with it and hard work and discipline, at least for the SIL, does.
Honestly, I think this would be tiresome for the innocent bystander.
It may not be rude, but could make her sound like she's lecturing or being defensive.
I think silence or a smile and "I wish it was all luck!" and beandip would be best.

rashea

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2010, 12:52:50 PM »
Let's say the SIL understandably wanted to counteract the statement that she stayed thin by "luck". That's like saying you became a doctor by luck to me, it's really invalidating.

Stranger: Oh, you're so lucky you stayed thin.
SIL: Thanks, I work out a lot and try to eat right
Stranger: (does that mean she's judging me for gaining weight and if I just worked out more I would be skinny. )

So, SIL was put in the awkward position of potentially hurting someone else by correcting the interesting assumption that she was "lucky" or not correcting it and feeling lousy about that.

And I realize luck plays a part of it, since some people are not lucky enough to be born with a metabolism that means exercise and eating right will keep them thin. But then, generally we don't encourage people to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of birth statuses.
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NutMeg

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2010, 12:53:15 PM »
This is such an odd touchy topic isn't it? Everyone has their own story, and brushing it off as luck OR hard work kind of sweeps each person's individual situation under the rug.

For example. I am the same weight that I've been for about 7 years. My diet and exercise have fluctuated a LOT in those seven years, my weight hasn't. You could say I am lucky to maintain this weight, and you'd be right. However, I also work out at least 7 times a week. I'm a commuter cyclist who bikes at least 50 km a week and swims 2 - 2.5 km a week. I guess I wouldn't be offended if someone said I'm lucky to be this weight, because I know that if I were to stop exercising I would probably loose a couple pounds of muscle mass rather than gaining. But I'd be irritated that I wasn't getting credit for it!
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

TurtleDove

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #23 on: November 17, 2010, 12:59:06 PM »
Hanna, I wasn't saying the SIL *should* correct the incorrect assumptions. I merely said I do not believe she would be rude if she did.

hobish

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2010, 01:06:27 PM »

I think getting all up in arms because someone says you are “lucky” for something is kind of dramatic. Usually when people say something like that they are expressing a compliment – they’re not literally ascribing it to luck. It’s like getting upset because someone doesn’t give you the specific compliment you want, which is special snowflakey and, yes I will say oversensitive, in my book.

She really could easily have said, “Thank you, I try to hit the gym regularly. How have you been?” No tongue biting required.
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BuffaloFang

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2010, 01:25:56 PM »
But that's the thing, it doesn't sound like a compliment.  It sounds like you're dismissing countless hours of hard work to luck, whether you mean it that way or not.  I'm actually not sure how else you could take, "You're so lucky to....".  Would "You're so lucky you're a doctor" or "you're so lucky your clothes match" be taken any differently? 

It's not that you want a specific compliment, it's that you'd rather they not say anything at all if they're going to give you a back-handed compliment like that.

People should just stop commenting about other people's bodies.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #26 on: November 17, 2010, 01:42:42 PM »

I think getting all up in arms because someone says you are “lucky” for something is kind of dramatic. Usually when people say something like that they are expressing a compliment – they’re not literally ascribing it to luck. It’s like getting upset because someone doesn’t give you the specific compliment you want, which is special snowflakey and, yes I will say oversensitive, in my book.

She really could easily have said, “Thank you, I try to hit the gym regularly. How have you been?” No tongue biting required.

I agree with hobish.  It's a slightly awkward compliment.  I have been "lucky" to keep my figure, too, and get comments from people I haven't seen in years.  There's nothing rude in replying, with a smile, "Luck had nothing to do with it.  I exercise and eat healthy food, and I feel great! What are you doing these days?  Do you still enjoy XYZ?"

I can't help hearing Mae West's reply when someone complimented her on something valuable by saying, "Goodness that's a ###!"  Mae's reply was, "Goodness had nothing to do with it."  (I wish I could remember the whole quote, but you get the idea. ;))
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 01:44:56 PM by Midnight Kitty »
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Deetee

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #27 on: November 17, 2010, 01:50:16 PM »
I agree with what other posters have said. The reason SIL felt she couldn't say "It's not luck. I've worked really hard at it" is exactly the same reason people posting here automatically judged the SIL for thinking "It's not luck. I've worked out every day and never eat butter".

Even though SIL is talking only about herself other people will assume she is talking about them and will be hurt.

Two Ravens

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2010, 02:08:14 PM »
I agree with what other posters have said. The reason SIL felt she couldn't say "It's not luck. I've worked really hard at it" is exactly the same reason people posting here automatically judged the SIL for thinking "It's not luck. I've worked out every day and never eat butter".

Even though SIL is talking only about herself other people will assume she is talking about them and will be hurt.

For me, I don't think it is that.  I mean, I don't feel judged by either.  I just wonder why she is so resentful at receiving an awkward compliment that she cannot just say "thank you" or bean dip. To me, this is not an insult worthy of silence and a fake smile.  Why does she care if people she hasn't seen in X many years think she is lucky.  I mean, these are not people she sees regularly. The "never eats butter" sounds weird too.  Like she is trying a bit too hard to rationalize the fact that she is still thin. IDK, it just sounds off.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 02:11:43 PM by Two Ravens »

Deetee

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #29 on: November 17, 2010, 02:26:21 PM »
I agree with what other posters have said. The reason SIL felt she couldn't say "It's not luck. I've worked really hard at it" is exactly the same reason people posting here automatically judged the SIL for thinking "It's not luck. I've worked out every day and never eat butter".

Even though SIL is talking only about herself other people will assume she is talking about them and will be hurt.

For me, I don't think it is that.  I mean, I don't feel judged by either.  I just wonder why she is so resentful at receiving an awkward compliment that she cannot just say "thank you" or bean dip. To me, this is not an insult worthy of silence and a fake smile.  Why does she care if people she hasn't seen in X many years think she is lucky.  I mean, these are not people she sees regularly. The "never eats butter" sounds weird too.  Like she is trying a bit too hard to rationalize the fact that she is still thin. IDK, it just sounds off.
I think it's like what others have said. Telling someone they were lucky to compte at the olympics, win a gold medal, be a doctor, win an election, write a best selling novel in some ways dimishes the incredible amounts of hard work, dedication, time and effort that went into it.

For all of those things there is also an element of luck, so for your own peace of mind it's nice to convert it to "You're so lucky to win a gold medal at the olympics" as "You were so lucky to be born with natural skill and incredible drive to a supportive family with the financial resources to support your dream."

Now I'm not trying to say being thin is like competing at the Olympics, but while there is some luck it is something we generally have control over. Some people might work out incredibly hard 7 days a week and eat carrots all day and barely budge a pound. Others might live on cheetos and pop but stay skinny. But the vast majority of us will lose weight if we eat less and excerise more and gain weight when we eat more and watch A-Team reruns.


« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 02:41:19 PM by Deetee »