Author Topic: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin  (Read 15369 times)

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MsMarjorie

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You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« on: November 17, 2010, 08:14:58 AM »
My SIL just got back from her mumble mumble year school reunion.  She said all night that old friends kept on coming up to her and saying "Oh how lucky you are to have stayed so thin". 

Every time someone said it, SIL said inside her head she was thinking "yes because I exercise every day & haven't eaten butter in 15 years" but outwardly she smiled.

She had to use a lot of silence to stop herself from being rude - it worked.

jayhawk

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2010, 12:04:27 PM »
Your SIL did great.  I would certainly have given her a pass for, "Well, luck had nothing to do with it.  Have you tried the carrots with the bean dip?"

Shoo

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2010, 12:08:33 PM »
Whether your SIL realizes it or not, those little mumbles inside her head show a distinct judgmental attitude on her part.  I don't really give her all that many points for staying silent.  I think it's the least she could have done.

Why does she have to say that to herself at all?  Can't she just say thank you?

Not everyone who has gained weight since high school is a sloth who doesn't exercise and eats butter every day.

Two Ravens

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2010, 12:10:59 PM »
Whether your SIL realizes it or not, those little mumbles inside her head show a distinct judgmental attitude on her part.  I don't really give her all that many points for staying silent.  I think it's the least she could have done.

Why does she have to say that to herself at all?  Can't she just say thank you?

Not everyone who has gained weight since high school is a sloth who doesn't exercise and eats butter every day.

I agree.  Why was she so upset?  Would a "Thanks, I try to work out." been so awful?


Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2010, 12:13:11 PM »
Why was the statement rude ?  I would have thought that they were just complementing her  on maintaining her figure which is not easy , unless they said it in some rude sarcastic way

Shay

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2010, 12:13:45 PM »
Whether your SIL realizes it or not, those little mumbles inside her head show a distinct judgmental attitude on her part.  I don't really give her all that many points for staying silent.  I think it's the least she could have done.

Why does she have to say that to herself at all?  Can't she just say thank you?

Not everyone who has gained weight since high school is a sloth who doesn't exercise and eats butter every day.
POD.

They were trying to compliment her. I agree calling it "lucky" when it is the result of hard work is not good at all, but that doesn't mean she has a right to judge either.
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Deetee

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2010, 12:17:54 PM »
Whether your SIL realizes it or not, those little mumbles inside her head show a distinct judgmental attitude on her part.  I don't really give her all that many points for staying silent.  I think it's the least she could have done.

Why does she have to say that to herself at all?  Can't she just say thank you?

Not everyone who has gained weight since high school is a sloth who doesn't exercise and eats butter every day.
I think you are taking a mental comment by the SIL that was directed inwards and twisting it to hurt your feelings. This wasn't about anybody else. The SIL keeps herself thin by excerising every day and watching her diet closely. Other people are ascribing her body shape to luck. She knows it was/is hard work to keep at weight/level of health that makes her happy. She never said anything about what steps other people need to take.

edit to say IF her mental comment was "Maybe if you exercised every day and never ate butter you could be so lucky, that would be judgemental (though we aren't the thought police so it's hard to prosecute for thoughts)
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 12:20:21 PM by Deetee »

cbcb

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2010, 12:19:19 PM »
She, personally, is thin because of her working out and diet choices. Not because she is "lucky". Her knowing these facts behind her own thinness isn't making any assumptions about anyone else.

They are just as rude as are people who say "aren't you lucky to have such a great job" to someone who worked hard for their job. Luck had nothing to do with it.

Two Ravens

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2010, 12:20:44 PM »
Whether your SIL realizes it or not, those little mumbles inside her head show a distinct judgmental attitude on her part.  I don't really give her all that many points for staying silent.  I think it's the least she could have done.

Why does she have to say that to herself at all?  Can't she just say thank you?

Not everyone who has gained weight since high school is a sloth who doesn't exercise and eats butter every day.
I think you are taking a mental comment by the SIL that was directed inwards and twisting it to hurt your feelings. This wasn't about anybody else. The SIL keeps herself thin by excerising every day and watching her diet closely. Other people are ascribing her body shape to luck. She knows it was/is hard work to keep at weight/level of health that makes her happy. She never said anything about what steps other people need to take.

I think the question is why the sister felt she had two choices: be silent or be rude.  She could have politely told people she works out a lot.  She could have just said "Thank you." Her internal dialogue sounds resentful and annoyed.


Shoo

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2010, 12:21:26 PM »
She said she had to stop herself from being rude all night.  Why is that?

Maybe it's just the wording in the OP.  Or maybe I'm taking it wrong.  But the impression I got from the OP is that the SIL was mentally comparing herself and her habits to those she suspected in those who complimented her.  Sort of like, if you exercised every day and gave up butter, you'd be thin too.

Two Ravens

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2010, 12:25:36 PM »
She said she had to stop herself from being rude all night.  Why is that?

Maybe it's just the wording in the OP.  Or maybe I'm taking it wrong.  But the impression I got from the OP is that the SIL was mentally comparing herself and her habits to those she suspected in those who complimented her.  Sort of like, if you exercised every day and gave up butter, you'd be thin too.

Right, which is sadly not true.  There are plenty of people who work out and eat well and still can't be as thin as they were in high school.

Shoo

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2010, 12:27:39 PM »
So perhaps a little clarification is needed.  What, exactly, was SIL so peeved about? 

Was it that other people assumed she was just lucky and didn't have to work to keep her figure?  If so, I still don't understand being peeved about it.

Hanna

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2010, 12:28:16 PM »
Because she felt it would be rude to point out that she worked hard to get that way.

Because so many people (as evidenced here) believe that when you point out that you worked hard to achieve <thing they haven't acheived> that you are somehow passing judgement upon them.

It doesn't take mentally comparing oneself to others to be offended by the idea that one is just "lucky" when indeed one is busting their own tail to get what they want.

Skoffin

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2010, 12:30:24 PM »
Maybe we just took different interpretations to the information given to us. I read the "oh you're so lucky to have remained thin" comment as being done in a sarcastic manner as any time I have received such a comment it has been done with snarky undertones. Nevermind how I got that way, or that I lost a lot of weight due to a long-term illness.

The whole 'lucky' bit kinda dismisses all the effort the friend goes to to remain healthy.

Hanna

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Re: You are so lucky to have stayed so thin
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2010, 12:30:41 PM »
She said she had to stop herself from being rude all night.  Why is that?

Maybe it's just the wording in the OP.  Or maybe I'm taking it wrong.  But the impression I got from the OP is that the SIL was mentally comparing herself and her habits to those she suspected in those who complimented her.  Sort of like, if you exercised every day and gave up butter, you'd be thin too.

Right, which is sadly not true.  There are plenty of people who work out and eat well and still can't be as thin as they were in high school.
And there are others that can eat a stick of butter weekly and not gain a pound.  But obviously that is not the case of the SIL. And she wasn't the one making comments and assumptions about other people's habits.  I think it's interesting the comments here are focused on judging her, instead of pointing out that it is terribly rude to talk about someone else's body.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2010, 12:32:32 PM by Hanna »