Wearing Fur

[NOVA Lady]

Hi all I hope everyone had a great Holiday!

I have a question about the etiquette of wearing fur and people's response to it. I was out with a good friend a little bit back who wears a beautiful fur coat (I love the coat, I wish I had one!) and while we were exiting a restuarant and began walking down the street we picked up a heckler. Now the person didn't throw red paint on the fur or anything illegal he just followed us for a block or two making comments about her ("You're a murdered", "you must hate animals" "You're an awful person"). It was pretty distrubing!

Eventually she turned around and said something not too polite to him ("Leave me the xxxx alone") and he just continued harassing and following us, at which point she whipped out her cell phone and told him she would be calling the cops.

This made me wonder, is it ever OK for someone to express their personal moral opposition againt something you're wearing. Obviously not in the way this gentlemen (using the term loosely) decided to voice his protest. But is there an OK way to comment on something (fur coat, letter handbag, whatever)?

I thought it was never OK but I wonder if there is an acceptable way to do it.

[kckgirl]

In my opinion, it's not OK to voice your opinion on another's choices unless they're illegal. If you (general you) object to fur coats, leather shoes and handbags, don't buy them, but it's nobody's business what your friend chooses to wear or carry.

[Lisbeth]

Well, he could have written editorials, written to his political representatives, lobbied, picketed (although I'm not altogether sure that this is always legal and/or polite), made or helped to make a documentary film about the suffering of animals who are trapped and killed for their skins, off the top of my head. 

I realize that some of these aren't practical, but with the possible exception of picketing, they're all legal polite ways of protesting an action of ambiguous morality.

But I agree that accosting someone you don't know and calling them names or accusing them is definitely not polite.

[IndianInlaw]

He's lucky she whipped out a cell phone and not a gun.

I once took one of those insurance company self assessment tests (for fun) and "arguing with strangers"  was considered a high risk behavior.

[veryfluffy]

is it ever OK for someone to express their personal moral opposition againt something you're wearing.

1. A swastika or message inciting religious hatred

2. Revealing clothes in certain situations (eg house of worship) (some religions, of course, extend this to women wearing revealing clothes in any situation)

Is it "okay" to express moral opposition? It falls under freedom of speech, rather than etiquette, I guess. Politeness is in HOW you express your moral opposition. For instance, I think fur coats in general look ridiculous on humans, and look much better on their original owners. I think it is immoral to kill animals for their fur, unless it is a matter of survival. I would have no hesitation in telling someone so if I was presented with the opportunity, although I would try to be polite about it, and probably wouldn't harass them on the street. I would probably look at them with disgust.

[BatCity]

1. A swastika or message inciting religious hatred

2. Revealing clothes in certain situations (eg house of worship) (some religions, of course, extend this to women wearing revealing clothes in any situation)

Even in these situations, however, some discretion is in order.

I don't know about the first one.  I'd probably just ignore them, since I would assume someone wearing a swastika is looking for attention and possibly a fight.

In the second case, the polite thing to do is to discreetly take the wearer aside and inform her (or him) of the dress code.  As far as women dressing in a revealing fashion in a public place, in most cases it's best to just leave them alone.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

I inherited a fur coat from my Gran, what am I supposed to do, let it go to waste ? the poor creature has been dead for at least 40 years.

Nothing is going to bring it back !

Dragons8

[Shoo]

I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on someone's choice to wear fur or not.  Thrusting one's politics in the face of someone else, whether done quietly or loudly, is not polite.  It certainly won't change anyone's mind about anything.

[veryfluffy]

I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on someone's choice to wear fur or not.  Thrusting one's politics in the face of someone else, whether done quietly or loudly, is not polite.  It certainly won't change anyone's mind about anything.

In one sense, though, isn't someone who is wearing fur is actively thrusting their politics (i.e. belief that it is okay to wear fur) in everyone's face?

While I wouldn't walk up to a stranger and make a comment, if someone I knew said something like, "I just got this fur coat! Isn't it amazing?" I would reply, "I am stunned and disappointed that you would acquire such a thing," and be ready to engage in the conversation if necessary.

[NOVA Lady]

I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on someone's choice to wear fur or not.  Thrusting one's politics in the face of someone else, whether done quietly or loudly, is not polite.  It certainly won't change anyone's mind about anything.

In one sense, though, isn't someone who is wearing fur is actively thrusting their politics (i.e. belief that it is okay to wear fur) in everyone's face?

While I wouldn't walk up to a stranger and make a comment, if someone I knew said something like, "I just got this fur coat! Isn't it amazing?" I would reply, "I am stunned and disappointed that you would acquire such a thing," and be ready to engage in the conversation if necessary.

I guess that someone wearing fur is thrusting their beliefs into everyone's "face" in the same way someone wearing shoes is thrusting their belief that wearing shoes is OK into everyone's face.

I don't see wearing fur as a political or moral statement. Some people don't see anything wrong with it and its just like every other item of clothing to them. (personally, I wouldn't wear fur, but I'm not all politically active about it all).

I am just saying, making a statement by wearing fur doesn't seem the same to me as making comments to people wearing the fur.'

Hopefully I am making sense

[ZipTheWonder]

I say mindyerbeeswax.

I don't have any moral opposition to using animal fur (or to wearing leather shoes, or to eating meat), so I wouldn't take very kindly to this kind of harassment.  If I couldn't ignore ie (ie: when they started following) I would say "This conversation is over.  If it continues, I will call the police."  I don't think your friend was too far off the mark, really.

[Shoo]

In one sense, though, isn't someone who is wearing fur is actively thrusting their politics (i.e. belief that it is okay to wear fur) in everyone's face?

I suppose that everything a person does (or wears, in this case) could be viewed as an expression of what that person values or believe in.   At most, it's a passive statement, unless they are going up to people and making some kind of attention grabbing scene to make others aware that they are wearing a certain something or other because ... of this reason or other.  I haven't had the misfortune (thankfully) of knowing anyone like that.

I wouldn't think very highly of someone who flaunted a fur coat and made statements to the effect that all the animals sacrificed to make the coat were just meaningless creatures whose sole purpose was to become a fur coat.  That would make me sick.  Glad to say that anyone I've ever known who has worn fur has avoided making their choice a launching pad for discussion for or against it.  Truly, most people I know would be aghast that something so personal would be up for discussion (or attack) by anyone else.

[platys]

While I personally wouldn't say anything to someone wearing a fur coat, I do think that people who wear fur coats have to expect a reaction.  However, it seems more acceptable in some locals than other - for example, I see people wearing fur coats all the time in Chicago.  Back home in Colorado, you pretty much never saw it, and if you did, it was only on the very elderly.

But, yes, it was rude that the person was harrassing your friend. 

[Pixie]

I don't think it is ever appropriate to comment on someone's choice to wear fur or not.  Thrusting one's politics in the face of someone else, whether done quietly or loudly, is not polite.  It certainly won't change anyone's mind about anything.

I also wonder how someone on a street would KNOW if that fur was real or fake?   Another thing that has been bothering me for a while is.... I wonder how many of those No-Fur/ No leather/ No animal products people own down coats or a wonderful down comforter?   I'm not talking about folks here but rather those celebs like Pamela Anderson who decry the wearing of fur, yet wear a down jacket to go skiing cuz down is the best.   I'll bet you dollars to dough nuts Pamela Anderson (et all)  has no idea where down comes from.

[ladiedeathe]

There is no polite way to make what is essentially a political/ethical statement about anyone's fashion sense unless they have specifically asked for your political/ethical opinion.

Arguably, when a VERY close friend or family member is trying on (to buy) a piece of clothing such as a leather jacket or fur coat, you might suggest that it makes them look as if they support the leather/fur industry, and is that ok with them.

The general rule I have always followed about negative clothing commentary is comment only if a)there is a problem (item is backwards, stain, loose button, fallen hem) that can be fixed before the wearer goes much further, or b) the person has not yet purchased the item. You cannot politely tell someone that you don't like their taste.

 
And no, by wearing a fur coat the wearer is not really asserting anything other than the fact she believes it's okay to wear that coat in particular at that time. She may have gotten it from a relative and treasure it too much to not wear it. It may be a Fabulous Furs faux. She may be a rabid fur hater, attending a formal business party with her SO who has told her "If you don't just wear the coat and fit in this one time we are going to loose the contract and I want a divorce." We all make statements by what we choose to wear, but unless the clothing is illegal no one is asking anyone else to share their opinions on it.

All in all, it doesn't seem worth it to even try to "politely" share an unasked for, possibly unwelcome, and probably unagreed with opinion with a total stranger.