Re: I'm not your on-call taxi-driver - update page 2, reply #26

[padua]

congratulations! you've taken the first step back toward sanity!
consistency is key...

[boxy]

**UPDATE**

Yesterday, after months of no communication, Shari called.  Once to inform me she was "rushing Oz to the hospital!"  The next call to berate me for a multitude of sins I’ve committed against her and humanity.

She had called me on her way to the hospital.  When I calmly told her it might not be a good idea to talk and drive (she claimed she was “hauling –ss through heavy traffic”) she agreed, we hung up, no problem.

I knew she would call back and figured when she did I’d take the call and practice tactful things I’ve learned here at ehell.  I wasn't expecting her to be so angry though!

So a few hours later she called, angry, talking fast.  Why didn't I want to talk to her!  She can drive and talk at the same time!  Where was I – was I at the parking garage yet?  Why didn't I contact her after she got back from her trip (the one where I couldn’t ferry her to the airport)?  What kind of a friend was I – she neeeeeds meeee.

Keeping an even tone I reminded her that I been there through multiple times of rushing Oz to the hospital including driving her to a distant town one time and ferrying her bored child home a different time.  She interrupted to say that I had missed several of their medical emergencies.  I wanted to say, “I’m not your on call ambulance chaser” (we already know I’m not the on call taxi driver), but instead settled for a tamer, “You’re right.  I have missed several of your emergencies.”

In the same even tone I asked her if she thought it was reasonable that I should be required to drop everything whenever Oz has these symptoms.  She asked again where I was but I asked her to answer my question first.  Begrudgingly she agreed it wasn’t reasonable then abruptly changed subjects saying I should’ve been there to take her to the airport, all I had to do was drop her off, why was that so hard? 

I said, “Shari, you live 5 miles from the airport.  I live 30.  That’s a 60 mile round trip for me.  Is it reasonable for me to take you?”  I could tell she didn’t want to answer the question.  She mumbled, “well, I guess you had to do what you had to do” but in a lowered and exaggerated mocking voice.  I can’t describe it, but it was child-like.

Then she started bawling.  She choked out, “I’m sorry I went off on you.  I’m sorry I’ve been telling everyone what a rotten jerk you are (Sweet monkey fritters!?), I’m sorry I expect you to do things for me and be there and blah blah blah.”

I just let her ramble while I checked the air in my tires, did my nails, scrubbed the kitchen floor, played a round of golf….

I will never do anything for Shari, or with Shari, ever again.  There is no hope for a friendship of any kind.  It’s just too toxic. 

Quickly she cycled through the tears and returned to anger.  Where was I?   She’d already been at the hospital 2 hours waiting for me to show up!  I said, “I’m sorry you feel that I’m not there for you.  You’re right, I’m not.  Shari, you have to understand that I’ve got things going on too.  Did you know that I’m working now?  Did you know that DH had a heart attack 3 weeks ago?  No, because we’re not running in the same circles anymore.  I’m not coming to the hospital  and I’m sorry that makes you angry–”

And that’s when she hung up on me. 

I’m expecting another call where she apologizes and claims she’s under a ton of stress.  And that’s why I have an answering machine…

[Lisbeth]

Sorry-you posted your update before I posted my original text in this post.

I agree with your decision not to be friends with Shari.

[Steve]

Sounds like you are heading for a cut direct....

[Animala]

Oh my!  I guess her drama is to be expected with her past record, but what a way to go out with a bang. 

[Morticia]

Oh, that was so well done! However, I'm willing to bet she's sure that hanging up on you was punishing you. Stand firm. Hopefully, she will realize that you are no longer at her beck and call and leave you alone.

[HenrysMom]

I've had those types of "friends."  They want you to do the unreasonable, but ask them to do something for you?  They have more excuses than the stars in the sky.  Congrats on your shiny-new backbone.

[Nora]

She's not your friend. Good for you for standing up to her!

[boxy]

OP here - again. 

Soooo, anywho, as expected there was a message on my machine today.  I heard her say (in a very slow and subdued voice), "uh, hi, it's Shari -" and I hit erase.

Problem solved!

[Irishkitty]

IrishKitty Likes this!

(now, where's the 'Like button'?)
 

Toxic friend erased! Good for you!

[C0mputerGeek]

I knew someone recently who was having a 'dizzy spell' - probably genuine but just due to a change in medication and expected - but she called an ambulance because when you go in an ambulance you skip the triage step and they take you straight in at emergency. But of course they had to run all the tests etc. I couldn't believe that she would take those resources away from someone who might be, I don't know, actually sick.

People who call ambulances for a non-emergency blow my mind. Ambulances are not cheap. How do they afford it? I took an ambulance to the ER when I a pulmonary embolism. Total charge? $1300, which was paid for in full by my insurance company. I highly doubt they would have been so generous had my diagnosis not been dire.

[Miss March]

There's something very liberating about deleting a message from a toxic person, unplayed. Good for you, OP. Onward and upward!

[kherbert05]

I knew someone recently who was having a 'dizzy spell' - probably genuine but just due to a change in medication and expected - but she called an ambulance because when you go in an ambulance you skip the triage step and they take you straight in at emergency. But of course they had to run all the tests etc. I couldn't believe that she would take those resources away from someone who might be, I don't know, actually sick.

People who call ambulances for a non-emergency blow my mind. Ambulances are not cheap. How do they afford it? I took an ambulance to the ER when I a pulmonary embolism. Total charge? $1300, which was paid for in full by my insurance company. I highly doubt they would have been so generous had my diagnosis not been dire.

Sorry but how do you know that the person wasn't told to call an ambulance. Last time I drove myself to the ER I got bawled out by my family, on this board, by work, and by the hospital staff. My diagnoses was minor a mild allergic reaction, with upset tummy. I was told repeated that because I was dizzy (My bp was in the cellar) I could have killed myself or multiple other people if the dizzy had turned to a sinking spell while I was driving.

[EduardosGirl]

I knew someone recently who was having a 'dizzy spell' - probably genuine but just due to a change in medication and expected - but she called an ambulance because when you go in an ambulance you skip the triage step and they take you straight in at emergency. But of course they had to run all the tests etc. I couldn't believe that she would take those resources away from someone who might be, I don't know, actually sick.

People who call ambulances for a non-emergency blow my mind. Ambulances are not cheap. How do they afford it? I took an ambulance to the ER when I a pulmonary embolism. Total charge? $1300, which was paid for in full by my insurance company. I highly doubt they would have been so generous had my diagnosis not been dire.

Sorry but how do you know that the person wasn't told to call an ambulance. Last time I drove myself to the ER I got bawled out by my family, on this board, by work, and by the hospital staff. My diagnoses was minor a mild allergic reaction, with upset tummy. I was told repeated that because I was dizzy (My bp was in the cellar) I could have killed myself or multiple other people if the dizzy had turned to a sinking spell while I was driving.

I think if you're dizzy, you definitely should not drive. But not driving =/= an ambulance. One can call a taxi or, if it's available, a friend to drive.

[Iris]

I knew someone recently who was having a 'dizzy spell' - probably genuine but just due to a change in medication and expected - but she called an ambulance because when you go in an ambulance you skip the triage step and they take you straight in at emergency. But of course they had to run all the tests etc. I couldn't believe that she would take those resources away from someone who might be, I don't know, actually sick.

People who call ambulances for a non-emergency blow my mind. Ambulances are not cheap. How do they afford it? I took an ambulance to the ER when I a pulmonary embolism. Total charge? $1300, which was paid for in full by my insurance company. I highly doubt they would have been so generous had my diagnosis not been dire.

Sorry but how do you know that the person wasn't told to call an ambulance. Last time I drove myself to the ER I got bawled out by my family, on this board, by work, and by the hospital staff. My diagnoses was minor a mild allergic reaction, with upset tummy. I was told repeated that because I was dizzy (My bp was in the cellar) I could have killed myself or multiple other people if the dizzy had turned to a sinking spell while I was driving.

I think if you're dizzy, you definitely should not drive. But not driving =/= an ambulance. One can call a taxi or, if it's available, a friend to drive.

I am completely certain that she was not told to call an ambulance, because this is someone I am very close to. She told me in advance that she was expecting dizzy spells due to this medication change. It doesn't bother me at all though that when the dizzy spells arrived she became nervous and decided to seek medical attention. That's fine. ITA that it would have been very wrong for her to drive herself to the hospital when she felt dizzy. In fact when I had DD1 I remember them telling us that if your child is very sick or in an accident you should not drive them to hospital because even though you are fine a sick or hurt child is too great a distraction, so I fully agree that ambulances are there for a reason and should be used accordingly.

However, she was with her husband and he was about to drive her to the hospital when she specifically insisted that he call an ambulance for the sole purpose that she didn't want to go through triage and then have to wait her turn. She actually said to me the next day that she hadn't wanted to go through triage because she thought that when it was "just dizzy spells" they would leave her waiting for hours. The facts are not in doubt here, please trust me.

In terms of cost, if you have ambulance cover in Australia they don't pay or not pay according to the result of the trip. If you pay the modest fee you are covered against all ambulance trips.

I had forgotten about this incident, to tell you the truth, but it really irritated me at the time, and still does now I come to think of it again.