A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!

Captain Know-It-All stories

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My MIL is an expert on... well.... all things really.

But recently she argued with me in one set of circumstances that 7 pounds is a very HEAVY birth weight for a baby, but then in another conversation in the same week, 7 pounds was a very LOW birth weight.  ::)

She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)

Clara Bow:
We had two HUGE ones in nursing school. There are myriad stories. My favorite though was the day the Joe started arguing about the answer to a test question. He got the question right, but felt that it was too vaguely worded for the "other students" (read: us poor dumba**es) even though it was NOT. He kept saying that there were two correct answers to the question and went on for almost fifteen minutes with the entire class trying to shut him down. When Mischa read him the answer almost verbatim out of the book he STILL insisted that he was right.

T'Mar of Vulcan:

--- Quote from: kherbert05 on November 28, 2010, 12:30:43 PM ---The two teachers that insisted that AD stands for After Death. So Finally I asked them what we call the aprox 32 years between the birth of Christ and the Crucifixion of Christ. I wouldn't have gotten into the argument except they were TEACHING this nonsense to kids.

--- End quote ---

The kids I teach still think this despite me explaining over and over. It's like the thought gets stuck in their heads and won't come out. On the other thread we discussed this on, there were members of this forum (I don't know who and I am not trying to embarrass anybody) who had no idea it stands for "Anno Domini" either.

What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

One teacher at my school (the principal's husband; he also teaches English like I do) wrote a comment on a child's report that used a really weird, grammatically incorrect construction. I said, "You need to fix this comment; it's grammatically incorrect." Of course, it was like the Monty Python sketch. "No, it isn't." "Yes, it is." He finally said, "Show me a grammar book that says it's wrong and I'll fix it." A grammar book isn't going to show the exact construction that it should be. I said, "I don't need to. It's wrong." "Well, unless you can provide EVIDENCE, I'm not changing it." I took my red pen and crossed out the comment and said, "Well, now you have to." So he used a different comment altogether. It's like admitting I was right was beyond him.

SO (Max) does this to some extent, not so much about what he knows**, but what he can do. Really, it is to laugh. According to him, he is a better driver than Mario Andretti, a better skier than Jean Claude Killy, a better gymnast than Olga Korbut (I'm using old examples here, cuz we're old :P). If there is anything he hasn't done, it's only because he doesn't want to, but with a bit of training, no doubt he could be at the top of the game in golf, bowling, tennis, whatever ::)

Don't get him started on writers. Stephen King? Horrible writer. JK Rowling? A hack. CS Lewis? A christian apologist and a one-trick pony. And so on, often without having read a single book by whatever author he is ripping to shreds. Really, if he weren't so charming I would have throttled him in his sleep years ago.

**He seriously knows a lot. Genius IQ and fairly well read, he has an engaging, enquiring mind, and 9 times out of ten, he turns out right in our arguments. It's interesting that he is far more modest about his real gifts than his imagined ones :D

My dad, who will bulldoze about any conversation and get into why *this current president* (changes with the era) is ruining the country and how it's going to be the end of the US.  ::)

Also once tried to have a topic on Old English with me.  I study a lot of older languages, specifically Old and Middle English and cousins and variants (Scots, Yole, Frisian family, etc. I've considered joining the SCA just to talk to the Master in town).

We're having a nice discussion and dad decides to start off a lecture about said OE.  He tells me people often think it has little or no Celtic influence, and I replied with it does have some grammatically.  He then starts giving me the history of Old English after that sentence, starting with "It was a Celtic language which Germanic only influenced after the invasion of Normandy..."

Hope no one blames me for holding back giggles and letting him tell me the pseudo-history of our speech.  ;D Just smile and nod, smile and nod I say!


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