Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 128177 times)

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Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #705 on: February 12, 2013, 09:45:16 AM »
I was recently having a conversation with a work friend about university days.  My daughter is going to start university in the fall, and I'm a little concerned that she isn't prepared for how much work it'll be.  (I remember being completely blown away by the workload.)  My friend didn't agree, saying that she didn't find university all that hard.  Which ... good for her, I guess?  Here was the kicker, though:

Her:  Maybe it was different for me.  After all, I've got two degrees.  (She does, to be fair.  She had a Bachelors of Computer Science and a law degree.)
Me:  So do I.
Her:  .... you do?  In what?
Me:  I've got a Bachelors of Computer Science and an MBA.
Her:  ... oh.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 12:46:30 PM by Shalamar »

o_gal

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #706 on: February 12, 2013, 11:36:10 AM »
This is a story that DH now laughs about, and has become a family joke.

BG: We do a sport called orienteering, where you take a map and sometimes a compass and navigate your way through a timed course in a large open outdoor area - fastest person wins. You are trying to find orange and white flags that mark a location on the map (a "control") and when you get there, you punch a card to prove you got there (there is also electronic punching).

We were going to an event at a local Boy Scout camp. On the way there, DH was bragging about how easy it was going to be to do his course. After all, he helped with the original map for the camp, and he's orienteered there X-thousand number of times. He knows the camp "like the back of my hand" (EXACT quote). I said that remember, there are always changes to the map and we haven't been in this camp for awhile. No, no, he'd ace the course because he knows the camp like the back of his hand. OK then.

So we register (it's a night course, so we're in the dark) and we both head off to our courses. I'm doing one of the easier ones, DH is doing the toughest. I finish mine (with a fairly good time) and I can't remember now if DH was already "done" when I finished, or I waited a short while for him. He DNF'd because he couldn't find his first control. Seriously! Good old CKIA could not find control #1. Spent 20 minutes looking for it, then went on to do the rest of the course. Because the map hadn't been updated in a few years, so he was looking for the path trailhead to be in a certain location when there was a second path put in.

Guess which control was control #2 on my course?  >:D

Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #707 on: February 12, 2013, 12:50:54 PM »
My grandmother was, to put it politely, not an easy person to get along with.  She considered herself to be a know-it-all about many subjects, including wildlife.  Once, she and my parents and I were touring a national park, and we heard a barking sound.  Very excited, my grandmother said "That's a fox bark.  I'd know it anywhere!"  Mum was a bit skeptical, because she'd heard a fox bark too and this didn't sound like what she remembered.  Nana insisted that it was definitely a fox, and she should know, because she was an EXPERT and blah blah blah. 

Five minutes later, we passed a parked car which had a small dog in the back seat*.  The dog was, you guessed it, barking.    Nana went bright red and didn't say a word, meanwhile, Mum and I were biting our tongues to keep from laughing.

* The window was open a good way, and it wasn't a hot day, so the dog was in no danger.  Just in case anyone was concerned!

Virg

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #708 on: February 12, 2013, 02:01:17 PM »
Cami wrote:

"I have to work with a CKIA. Unfortunately, as is often the case with captains, he's also a "right fighter". You can NOT bean dip this guy -- he simply will not allow the subject to be changed. He MUST be right and you must acknowledge his superior knowledge. You cannot even leave -- he will follow you around. He once waited for me outside the bathroom door to continue the fight."

Holy cow!  That guy's not a CKIA, he's a FSGKIA (Four Star General Know-It-All).

Virg

Hillia

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #709 on: February 12, 2013, 02:10:34 PM »
I have to work with a CKIA. Unfortunately, as is often the case with captains, he's also a "right fighter".

Thanks for this term.  I have to admit that I often have to be right...I don't think I'm as bad as your CKIA, but I do engage in arguments (especially with certain people) when I know there's just no point and I'm just stirring up drama.  Now I can keep that in my head to remind myself 'Don't be a right fighter!' and hopefully head myself off at the pass.

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Softly Spoken

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #710 on: February 12, 2013, 04:28:06 PM »
I think there are situations where anyone can become a CKIA, but these days they are quickly remedied by either a laptop or a smart phone. Case in point: on the whole I think my brother knows about more actors than me, but he is relegated to his "era" and has not kept up with more current movies or television. He has these moments where we are discussing a film he identifies an actor incorrectly - think Bill Paxton instead of Bill Pullman or something - and he. is. absolutely. convinced. that. he. is. right. He basically talks in this reality-defining/defying tone that says he thinks I'm being the crazy one. Argh!  >:( I just tell him to come back and talk to me after he's looked it up...

 I think he is a little defensive about being corrected because he has a learning disability and was told he was stupid growing up.  :( When I correct him, I'm not saying he is stupid, just that he is mis-remembering or perhaps confusing so-and-so with whats-his-name which is understandable since they look similar or were in similar movies. Sometimes the mix-up is so crazy I can only look at him like  :o ??? because I'm pretty sure whichever actor he named wasn't even alive when Movie was made. All I can say is, thank deity for Internet Movie Database. >:D

Also, I know that just about everyone does this because my exBF did one and she's half the age of my brother and way more into film: she saw X-Men: First Class and was convinced that the navy commander on the battleship was none other than Jack Nicholson. She went on and on about how awesome it was that he would agree to cameo in the movie. I found it hard to believe since he has a reputation for possessing quite the ego, but said nothing and watched it myself. Well, the navy captain was an older, craggy faced gentleman somewhat known for roles as various military personnel - Michael Ironside (I remember him as a commander in "Starship Troopers). When he appeared on screen my friend leaned over in the theater and whispered "There! See?"
*sigh*

I waiting until after the movie, then showed her the imdb page on my phone. She was so disappointed it wasn't Jack... ::)
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Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #711 on: February 12, 2013, 04:58:13 PM »
Heh, I've done that.  I'll say with absolute confidence "That movie starred Sandra Bullock", my husband will ask "Really?" (in that dubious tone), and I'll be all "Yes!  I'm positive!  .... I think.  Hang on .... *looks it up*  Whoops, no, that was Kathy Bates."

Clarissa

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #712 on: February 13, 2013, 05:43:27 PM »
I really like reading the posts about eyesight and colour blindness. I will argue with my S.O over colours. Ill say blue and he says green. My eyesight is terrible, I can't see without my glasses at all. I have to pay extra to get the lenses thinned out. But when I was younger, I thought my eyesight was normal. And as another poster said, my mum thought I was lying about my sight. I don't know how to quote. Also, talking about another perception. I read 'Sophie's World' years back, and worried about me being the only real thing in the world. I think that you never get over that feeling, because who can prove you wrong?

Gyburc

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #713 on: February 14, 2013, 07:27:41 AM »
I'm sure I posted about this once before, but I had a run-in with a super-special CKIA a few years ago. I was at an event making small talk with an older woman, and she asked me about an article I was writing.

I described a couple of details about it, and she instantly zoomed in on one, and kept me there for 45 minutes insisting that my interpretation of this small detail was one hundred percent wrong.

She had never seen the manuscript I was studying, had not been aware that a text of this kind even existed, and didn't even study the language the manuscript was written in, let alone have any idea of any previous scholarship on the subject. Yeah, right.

(The article was published last year in a pretty prestigious journal, by the way. I guess it can't have been that bad. )  :)

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Tini

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #714 on: February 14, 2013, 10:08:33 AM »
The husband of my youngest sister's bff is a bit of an acquired taste, shall we say. A couple of years ago at said sister's birthday party I was standing next to him talking to someone else about a Muppet-related present that my sister had gotten that night, and as you do sometimes when you're having a lovely time I sang the first few lines of the Muppet Show theme song. In German. I sang it in German because I used to watch it in the dubbed version on German television when they showed it in the late seventies/early eighties and I was in my early teens.
He gave me a puzzled look and said "Did someone really bother translating all that into German?"
I replied that I knew it from the German-dubbed version, and of course they'd done the song, too. And he just said, no, that's not true. He would not be convinced (not that I tried that hard - pointless, right?).
So basically he was telling me that I didn't know where I knew that song from (presumably I'd absorbed it by some strange internet osmosis from a fansite that I never visited instead). I just don't know what he was basing his superior knowledge on, either. The guy is ten years younger than me and grew up in East Germany. People did watch West German TV where they could receive it, but by the time he was old enough to remember, the Muppets weren't even broadcast anymore.
In the end I just beandipped and went to inspect the lavish buffet again.

Oh, and in case anyone is curious: Here's a snippet of the title sequence http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_0J02Wp2sM

Twik

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #715 on: February 14, 2013, 12:47:55 PM »
My father had a strange habit of assuming he'd seen every movie that came on TV. Not just the old ones - it Could start with an announcement "WORLD TELEVISION PREMIERE!!!!" and, five minutes into the movie, he'd announce he'd seen it, and would lose interest.

I used to ask him to tell me, since he'd already seen the movie, what was going to happen in the next scene. I would get a growl about being impertinent.

(Note: This was before the internet, and after he no longer had the patience to watch movies in the theater. So, there really was no way he could have seen a first-time-broadcast movie before.)
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ladyknight1

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #716 on: February 14, 2013, 02:29:47 PM »
Posting for updates.

athersgeo

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #717 on: February 14, 2013, 03:17:05 PM »
My father had a strange habit of assuming he'd seen every movie that came on TV. Not just the old ones - it Could start with an announcement "WORLD TELEVISION PREMIERE!!!!" and, five minutes into the movie, he'd announce he'd seen it, and would lose interest.

I used to ask him to tell me, since he'd already seen the movie, what was going to happen in the next scene. I would get a growl about being impertinent.

(Note: This was before the internet, and after he no longer had the patience to watch movies in the theater. So, there really was no way he could have seen a first-time-broadcast movie before.)

My grandfather was like that, but about live sports. He'd sit there and insist that whatever it was had been on the day before. Unless it happened to be cricket highlights from a game played in 1976 (being broadcast because it was raining and thus no live cricket). THAT he'd insist was live...

Luci

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #718 on: February 14, 2013, 05:20:03 PM »
We agreed to drive a gentleman we hadn't met on an 1800 mile trip recently. Fortunately, there were several days between our arrival at the job site and coming back home.

He really was very bright, knew a lot of trivial stuff, was generous and hardworking and quite creative in solving some of the difficulties we had at the job site. However, he apparently couldn't stand silence, so he would just pull out random facts. Actually, I never caught him in an error, but he just went on and on. After 18 hours of this, it was getting pretty grating. He finally started on how pi is a decimal that doesn't end.  I finally mentioned that 1/3 as a decimal is an irrational number, too, and that Lucas and I were both math ed majors in college. That kept him quiet for a bit, but his next topic was common English grammar errors that drive him nuts. Bingo! I expanded on that a little bit and was able to slip in that I had an English minor.

The rest of the trip was quite pleasant and most of the conversation was about all of our children and some of the other missions we had been on, with very little one-upmanship on either side.

Shalamar

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Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #719 on: February 14, 2013, 06:20:49 PM »
You met a real-life Cliff Clavin!