Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 148835 times)

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Suze

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Captain Know-It-All stories
« on: November 28, 2010, 11:19:41 AM »
In order not to compleatly derail the Special Snowflake stories - how about a now topic?


We had a neighbor once (many many years ago) who was a know it all about plants and shrubs.....

of course he called the many Mulberry trees in the nighborhood "Box Elderberrys"

and no one could convince him otherwise.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 05:36:40 PM by Suze »
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Lady Macbeth

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2010, 11:43:54 AM »
My uncle is one of these. No matter what you are discussing, he knows more about it than you do. But he no longer engages my husband and I in conversation.  This is why...

A couple years ago, we were at a family event. Husband is a biochemist. Uncle learned this and went into a long tirade about how all the good American scientists were defecting to China or Southeast Asian countries, because there were too many limits on research in the U.S...

And then Husband very earnestly explained at length and in great detail why that was incorrect, using many examples of people he knew personally, particularly things his Chinese scientist friends had told him about the state of science in their country (which, to be fair, is not general knowledge). My mother was laughing behind her hand at finally seeing Uncle put in his place, after years of him bulldozing conversations. My technique was always to tune him out; Husband is an excellent debater and has a wide range of knowledge to back up his opinions. He doesn't do it in a nasty way; he just wants to correct false information (if he doesn't know much about a subject he will say so).

As he puts it, he didn't spend more than a decade in school to have someone with no clue tell him about his job.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2010, 12:02:52 PM »
I have one from a long time ago....I was dating a guy who used to make fun of my shoe collection...which really wasn't all that extensive, but I guess to someone who had maybe 2 pairs, it was a lot. 

This was during the 1980's, during which time Imelda Marcos came under fire for HER shoe collection, and all the money she and her husband spent on themselves, as President and First lady of the Philippines.  My ex BF used to joke and tell me I was just like her, but he INSISTED her name was Amelia, not Imelda, and nothing I could say would convince him otherwise.  Too bad it was pre-Internet, or I would have just googled it to prove him wrong!

kherbert05

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2010, 12:30:43 PM »
The two teachers that insisted that AD stands for After Death. So Finally I asked them what we call the aprox 32 years between the birth of Christ and the Crucifixion of Christ. I wouldn't have gotten into the argument except they were TEACHING this nonsense to kids.

I have had similar arguments about whether Thomas Jefferson wrote the Constitution for the same reason. Thank God for smart phones. I pull up a LOC article about the topic now and hand it to them. 



Thanksgiving one of my Cousins was claiming that Opie called Andy Paul no Pa on the Andy Griffith show. After 5 or so rounds of this I finally said someone look up tv.com's trivia page on the show. That settled that argument.

Usually I just walk away shaking my head.
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Bellantara

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2010, 12:38:15 PM »
My uncle, who while my grandfather (his father) was dying, insisted, loudly and repeatedly, to my poor grandmother that grandfather's living will was not valid and that the medical people would just do whatever they wanted.  He just would. not. shut. up. about it, and was adamant that he knew what he was talking about. I snatched the living will off the refrigerator and went off to read it, then came back and told him that (1) it was perfectly valid, and (2) even if it wasn't, grandmother's wishes would prevail. (I'm a paralegal, uncle is an electronics tech.)  He didn't have too much to say after that, but really! Who brings their mother to tears like that at her husband's deathbed?

Cellardoor14

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2010, 12:42:36 PM »
My MIL is an expert on... well.... all things really.

But recently she argued with me in one set of circumstances that 7 pounds is a very HEAVY birth weight for a baby, but then in another conversation in the same week, 7 pounds was a very LOW birth weight.  ::)


She also fancies herself a medical expert though she has no training or even higher education in the matter, Mr Cellardoor and I like to say she got her PHD from the esteemed institutions of ER re-runs, and the You (a general women's magazine in South Africa.)
« Last Edit: November 28, 2010, 01:14:06 PM by Cellardoor14 »



Clara Bow

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2010, 12:44:34 PM »
We had two HUGE ones in nursing school. There are myriad stories. My favorite though was the day the Joe started arguing about the answer to a test question. He got the question right, but felt that it was too vaguely worded for the "other students" (read: us poor dumba**es) even though it was NOT. He kept saying that there were two correct answers to the question and went on for almost fifteen minutes with the entire class trying to shut him down. When Mischa read him the answer almost verbatim out of the book he STILL insisted that he was right.
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T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2010, 12:48:50 PM »
The two teachers that insisted that AD stands for After Death. So Finally I asked them what we call the aprox 32 years between the birth of Christ and the Crucifixion of Christ. I wouldn't have gotten into the argument except they were TEACHING this nonsense to kids.

The kids I teach still think this despite me explaining over and over. It's like the thought gets stuck in their heads and won't come out. On the other thread we discussed this on, there were members of this forum (I don't know who and I am not trying to embarrass anybody) who had no idea it stands for "Anno Domini" either.

What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

One teacher at my school (the principal's husband; he also teaches English like I do) wrote a comment on a child's report that used a really weird, grammatically incorrect construction. I said, "You need to fix this comment; it's grammatically incorrect." Of course, it was like the Monty Python sketch. "No, it isn't." "Yes, it is." He finally said, "Show me a grammar book that says it's wrong and I'll fix it." A grammar book isn't going to show the exact construction that it should be. I said, "I don't need to. It's wrong." "Well, unless you can provide EVIDENCE, I'm not changing it." I took my red pen and crossed out the comment and said, "Well, now you have to." So he used a different comment altogether. It's like admitting I was right was beyond him.


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DangerMouth

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2010, 01:00:26 PM »
SO (Max) does this to some extent, not so much about what he knows**, but what he can do. Really, it is to laugh. According to him, he is a better driver than Mario Andretti, a better skier than Jean Claude Killy, a better gymnast than Olga Korbut (I'm using old examples here, cuz we're old :P). If there is anything he hasn't done, it's only because he doesn't want to, but with a bit of training, no doubt he could be at the top of the game in golf, bowling, tennis, whatever ::)

Don't get him started on writers. Stephen King? Horrible writer. JK Rowling? A hack. CS Lewis? A christian apologist and a one-trick pony. And so on, often without having read a single book by whatever author he is ripping to shreds. Really, if he weren't so charming I would have throttled him in his sleep years ago.

**He seriously knows a lot. Genius IQ and fairly well read, he has an engaging, enquiring mind, and 9 times out of ten, he turns out right in our arguments. It's interesting that he is far more modest about his real gifts than his imagined ones :D
« Last Edit: November 28, 2010, 01:03:36 PM by DangerMouth »

Kaora

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #9 on: November 28, 2010, 01:16:37 PM »
My dad, who will bulldoze about any conversation and get into why *this current president* (changes with the era) is ruining the country and how it's going to be the end of the US.  ::)

Also once tried to have a topic on Old English with me.  I study a lot of older languages, specifically Old and Middle English and cousins and variants (Scots, Yole, Frisian family, etc. I've considered joining the SCA just to talk to the Master in town).

We're having a nice discussion and dad decides to start off a lecture about said OE.  He tells me people often think it has little or no Celtic influence, and I replied with it does have some grammatically.  He then starts giving me the history of Old English after that sentence, starting with "It was a Celtic language which Germanic only influenced after the invasion of Normandy..."

Hope no one blames me for holding back giggles and letting him tell me the pseudo-history of our speech.  ;D Just smile and nod, smile and nod I say!
« Last Edit: November 28, 2010, 01:19:30 PM by Kaora »

JoanOfArc

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2010, 01:27:44 PM »
My favorite know-it-alls are the ones who try to tell me that my learning disabilities are due to red food coloring or sugar.  Because sugar makes me reverse letters and numbers and red food dye is responsible for bad handwriting.  When I ask for sources, I get referred to sketchy websites.  When I try to explain about genetics (two uncles and one aunt possibly have LDs), I am ignored.  I now know to bean-dip. 
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jpcher

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2010, 01:28:11 PM »
On the other end of the spectrum . . . when you're the one that's right and nobody believes you. How far do you go to convince them? Or do you just let it drop?

We took a trip to Sturgis. The next day plans were to go see Mt. Rushmore. Four of us sitting around the campfire . . . We figured out Jefferson, Washington, Roosevelt and I said Lincoln.

Oh, my goodness! For the next two hours the argument about it not being Lincoln and the other 3 people throwing out other president's names and making me feel about || this big and stupid . . . Even the next morning! "I don't know who it is, but it is NOT Lincoln!" comments flew. I just kept my mouth shut, put a smug little grin on my face and thought "just wait."


When we finally got to the mountain, I just shrugged and grinned. I do wish I had a camera ready when I saw the look on their faces . . . and I didn't have to buy myself a beer all day long.  ;D

Venus193

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #12 on: November 28, 2010, 01:29:30 PM »
My mother's way of doing this was to question everything anyone ever said.  If I said that Beethoven composed 9 symphonies she would say "Oh, yeah?" in that tone of voice that indicated You Know Nothing About Anything.  If I ever talked about work she would say things like "You don't call your boss that."

She had never worked in an office in her life.  Her idea of proper office behavior must have come from Eve Arden movies from the 40s.  And she later wondered why I stopped talking about work altogether.

Sirius

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2010, 02:13:57 PM »
I managed to date two of these years before I met Mr. Sirius.  One charmer told me astronomy was the same as astrology and if I didn't believe that I was deluding myself.  I wasn't the one who was deluding myself, dude. 

The other told me that he'd been a college student (believable) and a college teacher (likely baloney) and so he was always right (definite baloney.)  Once I figured out that this one was a pathological liar he got the boot.     

Wavicle

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #14 on: November 28, 2010, 03:20:14 PM »
What really grills my cheese is when a person will insist something they say is correct, but when you contradict them they say, "I want EVIDENCE!! Where is your EVIDENCE!!!" like you're supposed to whip out a book containing that info right there and then and show them.

My FBIL (the communications major) did that to me (the natural science major) talking about science once. He said that scientists put too much stock in these theories and they just don't make sense to him. I said something along the lines of "Science isn't about thinking of something and seeing if it makes sense after the fact. You look at the evidence you have, form a hypothesis, test it, and then it is evaluated by other scientists. That gets repeated over and over. It is a cycle that builds on itself and corrects itself." He stood up staigher and said "Cite your source" like he thought I made it up.

Me in my head: ??? You want me to cite the entire foundation of my field? I guess every valid science book or journal article ever??  In reality I realized it was going norwhere and just changed the subject. It was too painful.