Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 127635 times)

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suzieQ

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #150 on: November 30, 2010, 11:13:31 PM »
I had a friend in high school who believed that the car on the road behind us was going slower than us and the car in front of us was going faster. Didn't matter that the car ahead of us wasn't pulling away from us, or the car behind us wasn't dropping further back. Any car in front of us *must* be going faster than we were, and any car behind us *must* be going slower.
I never could make her understand we could all be going the same speed.

whylime13

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #151 on: November 30, 2010, 11:19:01 PM »
I've met so so many CKIA's in my time.  

Here is my favorite today:

I worked part time in a department store (shoe department) while working full time in a post-degree mandatory internship at the local hospital in my field, CKIA had been working at the store for 3-4 years and was in school studying theater (I only mention this because I think I received a lot of his KIA lectures because I was the only other part timer not in high school/ younger then him and it bothered him that I already had my degree).  Despite multiple conversations about my studies, he always firmly believed I was a nursing student (I wasn't).  There's nothing wrong with that, but he would often end his 'truthy' lectures on high fashion with "It's ok honey, you're going to be a nurse someday" when I failed to keep up with his made up facts.

He was really notorious for knowing more then anyone about anything sold in the whole store (he had been there since it was built don't you know) badly enough that I mistakenly thought he was a manager my first few months there.  Mostly I humored him and his crazily wrong stories about the history of our store and fashion - one really slow Sunday I got told the entire life story of Coco Channel - totally wrong, but amusing.

Then, one day (either Mardi Gras weekend, or St. Patrick's day) he came back from lunch panicked because two guys at the pizza bar across the plaza were trying to complete the 'world tour of beer' (150 varieties) in one day.  I said "Don't worry about it too much, I don't think it's even possible to consume that high a fluid volume in one day, and I'm sure the bartenders will cut them off if necessary"  and boy do I wish I remember exactly what came next because it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

He started sputtering and getting really worked up "Don't you know that beer is just poison and I KNOW that they ARE going to have 75 each and all that alcohol is going to go straight through the wall of their stomach and overload the liver, and the yeast from the beer is going to be bouncing around in the small intestine where the insulin shoots in and their blood sugars will spike right up and set their body into overdrive just as the alcohol gets into their brain where the nerve cells will eat it up and there will be too much insulin in the brain for it to function....."

I just stood silently by waiting for him to finish his crazy story (and double checking that there were no customers around) thinking that this was just one tirade of falsehood too many.  When he finally finished I said, "Well, that is impossible"  and briefly explained the physiology of how the body processes alcohol.  

When I finished he sort of squinted/glared at me and said "You're in nursing school, aren't you!?" in the most condescending/accusatory tone possible, "well MY grandpa was a DOCTOR and he told me it happens just like I said it does and someday you will have to learn that Doctors just know more about these things"


ETA:  At the time of this conversation it was just another day working with CKIA to me, and I was trying really hard to keep my cool and avoid it becoming one worked up KIA vs another worked up KIA, and I exited pretty quickly to get back to working, so I missed most of his reaction, but my coworkers assured me that the look on his face when I dared question his knowledge was priceless, and "well, that is impossible" became a department catch phrase for a short time afterward
« Last Edit: November 30, 2010, 11:24:18 PM by whylime13 »

Kaymyth

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #152 on: November 30, 2010, 11:26:39 PM »

It's kind of like in high school biology class - we were talking about the lenses in the eye, and how they are similar to camera lenses in that each one turns what you see upside down - and so we have to have an even number of lenses so that we can see things right side up.  Someone asked if it's possible for someone to be born with an uneven number, which would make everything they see upside down.  The teacher answered, "I guess it's possible, but we'd have no way of knowing, because they wouldn't know they were seeing upside down."

Some things can drive you nuts if you think about them long enough.

I think I may have misunderstood this. Even number of lenses? I thought humans only had one lens in each eye and that the image on the retina is upside down. But happy to be corrected if I am wrong again.

Maybe that's it - the question was what if someone is born without the lens, or maybe with an extra one.  I don't recall exactly.  The point was that there very well could be people walking around seeing everything upside down, but no one would ever know, because to them, upside down would be "normal." 

Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?

Like with colorblindness, show a person flashcards with colors on it and eventually, you will be able to 'map' their color perceptions, even if you can't see it and they can't descibe it.

(I played this game with my colorblind brother ages ago. I'd show him my green shirt and ask him what color it was, etc.)

What we'll never know is if my yellow is your purple, as long as it's absolutely consistant across all colors.

One of my favorite lectures in college was Edwin Land (of Polaroid Land Camera fame) talking about color and pecerption. He projected a prismatic spectrum onto a whiteboard with a bunch of transparent overlays on top and asked people to come up and draw the outline of what they could see, and then put them all together. There was a huge variation in how far people could see into one end of the spectrum or the other. Really remarkable.

My understanding on the lens bit is that it's projected upside-down on your retina, and the brain automatically flips it over for you.  I seem to recall reading (YEARS ago, so I've got no citations, alas) about studies where they fitted people with glasses that flipped the image rightside-up onto the retina, and the brain went through a period of learning to recompensate the perception.  So, for a while, they all perceived the world as upside-down until their brains figured out what was going on and reoriented.  The brain is awesome, yo.

As for colorblindness, the spectra for all three versions have been worked out.  I'm not sure if it's from study of the cone interactions, empirical studies of colorblind individuals, or a combination of both, but there are very clearly defined color perceptions associated with colorblindness.

I actually did some research on colorblindness a while back, as there's a 25% chance that I'm a carrier.  I learned that there are in fact two different kinds of red-green colorblindness, depending on whether the individual is missing the green or red cones, and that both are gender-linked.  Blue-yellow is rarer and not gender-linked.



bookworm317

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #153 on: November 30, 2010, 11:28:24 PM »
When I finished he sort of squinted/glared at me and said "You're in nursing school, aren't you!?" in the most condescending/accusatory tone possible, "well MY grandpa was a DOCTOR and he told me it happens just like I said it does and someday you will have to learn that Doctors just know more about these things"
Not necessarily--my oncologist has deferred to the chemo nurse that's in charge of me(several times, in fact!).

Shea

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #154 on: November 30, 2010, 11:47:35 PM »
Aren't there a few Stephen King stories based on that theory, about the world being a set? "The Langoliers" kind of fits that, and there was a show--maybe the '80s version of the Twilight Zone?--that did an episode like that. (I don't think the Twilight Zone was based on a Stephen King story, but I'm not sure.

The theme is probably as old as sci fi. The Matrix was cool because of the effects but the idea has been around forever.

And The Matrix is loosely based on the allegory of the cave from Plato's Republic, if I remember my one and only college philosophy class correctly. So the idea is really, really old.

I didn't know that. My education in the classics is sadly lacking.

Yeah, so is mine. We had to read a whooooole lot of classical philosophy my freshman year of college, and the Cave is literally the only thing I remember.


If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, librarians are a global threat.

Paper Roses

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #155 on: December 01, 2010, 12:22:59 AM »
Yeah, but wouldn't you/they figure it out if you said 'point to the sky' and they pointed at the ground?


No, because they wouldn't point to the ground.  They would point to the sky.  They would never know that they had "up" and "down" reversed, because they would have always seen it that way. 
No, you can't, because you wishpishabonnyfish.

567Kate

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #156 on: December 01, 2010, 12:42:49 AM »

My understanding on the lens bit is that it's projected upside-down on your retina, and the brain automatically flips it over for you.  I seem to recall reading (YEARS ago, so I've got no citations, alas) about studies where they fitted people with glasses that flipped the image rightside-up onto the retina, and the brain went through a period of learning to recompensate the perception.  So, for a while, they all perceived the world as upside-down until their brains figured out what was going on and reoriented.  The brain is awesome, yo.


This is correct! For others who are interested, there's a really awesome book called A Natural History of Seeing: The Art and Science of Vision by Simon Ings that discusses this and many other cool vision experiments.

On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.

hot_shaker

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #157 on: December 01, 2010, 07:28:20 AM »
On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.

After he pulled that little stunt a couple of times, I would have had to go all Bugs Bunny on him.

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Me: Wabbit season!

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Craftyone

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #158 on: December 01, 2010, 08:12:45 AM »
sorry o/t but I just had to comment on Fiver's tag line "If you knit a man a Doctor Who scarf, he'll wear it once or twice. If you teach a man to knit his own damned 12 foot scarf, he'll never take it off!"  I did knit my husband a Dr Who scarf and it's now sitting up the top of the wardrobe because he changed jobs and now drives to work. ::)

now to continue with previous service.....

mechtilde

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #159 on: December 01, 2010, 08:35:49 AM »
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!
NE England

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #160 on: December 01, 2010, 09:53:51 AM »
I had a few friends in college who were of Rainbow faith, and one especially declared herself the authority on all matters pertaining to being a Rainbow.  Only thing was that everyone else I knew who was of the same faith told me the girl had no idea what she was talking about.

I was (and still am) a lapsed Green, who was raised as a pretty liberal Green at that, and was interested about learning about all different faiths and she was willing to teach...only thing is much of her knowledge about Greens was mistaken and severely outdated.  As in citing examples from things the Green churches did back around the time Martin Luther posted his thesis.   She wasn't the only one though, as another friend's bf also considered himself an authority on the Green church...only much of his information was also outdated.   And when I argued with either of them, they told me I was just sheltered and naive. (I was about 2-3 years younger than most of my friends)

The only thing that annoyed me was that I'm of Irish heritage, and proud of it, and whenever I'd wear the green on St. Patty's Day, she'd give me heck about it because "St. Patrick didn't really drive snakes from Ireland, he drove the Rainbows!  So it's Rainbow Persecution Day and as my friend you SHOULD be wearing BLACK to mourn all the persecuted Rainbows!!!!"   ::)   I told her I wouldn't be wearing black, since it's more about celebrating Irish heritage, at least here in the states, and I'm proud of my Irish ancestry.  
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

567Kate

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #161 on: December 01, 2010, 10:21:14 AM »
On the original topic, I used to date a guy who would, when he was wrong, start pretending like he'd been arguing the right side to begin with. Example:

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."

It got old pretty fast.

After he pulled that little stunt a couple of times, I would have had to go all Bugs Bunny on him.

Him: "Stacey's party is on Saturday."
Me: "No, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Him: "No see, Stacey's party is on Sunday."
Me: Wabbit season!

Wha a great response! I wish I'd thought of that at the time.

DangerMouth

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #162 on: December 01, 2010, 10:57:25 AM »
I had a few friends in college who were of Rainbow faith, and one especially declared herself the authority on all matters pertaining to being a Rainbow.  Only thing was that everyone else I knew who was of the same faith told me the girl had no idea what she was talking about.

I was (and still am) a lapsed Green, who was raised as a pretty liberal Green at that, and was interested about learning about all different faiths and she was willing to teach...only thing is much of her knowledge about Greens was mistaken and severely outdated.  As in citing examples from things the Green churches did back around the time Martin Luther posted his thesis.   She wasn't the only one though, as another friend's bf also considered himself an authority on the Green church...only much of his information was also outdated.   And when I argued with either of them, they told me I was just sheltered and naive. (I was about 2-3 years younger than most of my friends)

The only thing that annoyed me was that I'm of Irish heritage, and proud of it, and whenever I'd wear the green on St. Patty's Day, she'd give me heck about it because "St. Patrick didn't really drive snakes from Ireland, he drove the Rainbows!  So it's Rainbow Persecution Day and as my friend you SHOULD be wearing BLACK to mourn all the persecuted Rainbows!!!!"   ::)   I told her I wouldn't be wearing black, since it's more about celebrating Irish heritage, at least here in the states, and I'm proud of my Irish ancestry.  

Not to mention getting all those dingdangity rainbows out of Ireland ;D

OK, I probably wouldn't say that, it just fries my bacon when people expect me to share their moral outrage over something that happened a very long time ago. I often want to take the contrary view, just because.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #163 on: December 01, 2010, 11:05:42 AM »
Not to mention that I'm sure there are plenty of Rainbows still on the Emerald Isle, just as there are plenty of Greens, who also faced religious persecution in Ireland, and Diety knows the Rainbows aren't the only religion who has faced religious persecution in history but you couldn't get this girl to admit to it, she always acted like Rainbows received the worst persecution EVER. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

flowersintheattic

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Re: Captian Know-It-All stories
« Reply #164 on: December 01, 2010, 11:34:02 AM »
Philip K wingadingdingy

 ;D ;D ;D

The forum filter is always fun- I once gave a recipie in which I told people to wingadingdingy the pastry all over with a fork!

Wow...I never realized this was a filter thing. Now I know why people refer to Mr. Van Dyke as "Wingadingdingy Van Dyke." It always makes me laugh!  ;D
...I learned my lesson / And yes, I still remember the last one / But this time will be different / Until I do it again... ~Phish, "Kill Devil Falls"