Author Topic: Captain Know-It-All stories  (Read 127745 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

mbbored

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5315
    • Budget Grad Student
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #780 on: February 21, 2013, 12:59:25 AM »
I sometimes encounter a different version of the Captain Know It All and that's someone who serves up a fact about something and gets offended when you already know about it.  I have a relative who does this a lot.   "Say, did you know that the Earth revolves around the sun?!"  And when I say that I did know that, they get pouty about it, like how DARE I know that?????.  It is so bizarre. 

Maybe that should go in the brain hurt thread...

So, you're related to my mother, then? The craziest part is she does this about areas in which my siblings and I have advanced degrees or places we've lived in that she's never visited. The most recent one was with my brother over Christmas. "Did you know there are two languages in China?" "Yes, Mom, I lived there for three years." "Well, you don't have to brag about it."

PeterM

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3309
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #781 on: February 21, 2013, 03:29:01 AM »
Someone who expects logic from Snakes on a Plane?  A movie that had plot holes big enough to drive my pick-up truck through, starting with the whole idea of using a bunch of snakes to bring down a passenger jet when a black market missle launcher would have been much cheaper and faster?  That belongs in the Brain Hurt thread.   :o

No, no. A time-released crate full of snakes was the only way to kill the federal witness on the plane. Nothing else would've worked. The big bad guy said so, and why would he lie?

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4697
    • This Is It
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #782 on: February 21, 2013, 05:10:30 AM »
I got another one!

I was talking with a group of colleagues the other day, including a woman who is due any minute now. I asked her how she felt and she said something to the effect of "40 weeks is pretty uncomfortable!" A guy in the group, CKIA, immediately chimed in "40 weeks?!? You're 4 weeks over due?" Pregnant friend laughed and said that 40 weeks is the usual length of a pregnancy. CKIA proceeded to argue with her and the 2 other mothers standing there that pregnancy was only 36 weeks, their obstetricians must be lying to them.

Somebody googled it and showed the results to CKIA on their smartphone and he responds that somebody must have faked the data on the internet to cover up an affair. I walked away at that point because clearly 3 women, their obstetricians and the internet must all be wrong or lying adulterers.

By the way, CKIA is single and is always looking to be set up. Anybody want a date with an expert on women's reproductive systems and marriages?

I've encountered the opposite - people who insist that "pregnancy is actually TEN months not nine" as if they've cleverly worked out something we're all too stupid to understand... Except, of course, they're actually revealing their own ignorance.  1 month does not = 4 weeks.  The average month is approx. 4.33 weeks.  But they divide 40 by 4 and triumphantly insist that it's 10 months.  I gave up arguing that one.    I guess your CKIA was using the same logic e.g. 9 multiplied by 4 is only 36 weeks not 40.   ::)
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


suzieQ

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 586
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #783 on: February 21, 2013, 07:48:19 AM »
I sometimes encounter a different version of the Captain Know It All and that's someone who serves up a fact about something and gets offended when you already know about it.  I have a relative who does this a lot.   "Say, did you know that the Earth revolves around the sun?!"  And when I say that I did know that, they get pouty about it, like how DARE I know that?????.  It is so bizarre. 

Maybe that should go in the brain hurt thread...

I'd love it if DH would just pout when he pulls that one. Nope. I say "yes, I do know that" and he ignores me and proceeds to expound on the subject until I'm ready to puncture my eardrums just to make him stop!

scotcat60

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 421
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #784 on: February 21, 2013, 08:00:15 AM »
I had an English teacher who said "You are all too young to know what a charabang is, so I will tell you.
Actually I did know, as i had relatives as old or older than she was, who never spoke of a (motor) coach , but alwasy of a charabang, or a "Chara".  And I also knew that charabangs were originally large horse drawn vehicles. But I was a shy child, without the courage to tell her so. Better if she had said "Does anyone know what a charabang is? If you don't I'll tell you"

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10804
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #785 on: February 21, 2013, 08:41:04 AM »
I used to work in a senior day care and enjoyed talking to people about entertainment of their time, shows and singers, actors, etc.   There was one gentleman who would introduce himself as Clark Gable every morning and would say "You're Myrna Loy, aren't you?" to me.  We were told to just play along with him so I'd say "Yep, I'm Myrna Loy!"

Well another resident started attending because he had started to show signs of Alzheimer's.  He was relatively young too, I think in his mid 60s?  Well I'd be talking to another resident about Lucille Ball and laughing about Vitameatavegamin and saying that was my favorite episode of "I Love Lucy".  This guy would interject and say "You're too young to know who Lucy Ricardo is!!"

I'd laugh and admit that yes, I was not around when the show originally aired, but thanks to syndication I was well acquainted with Lucy Ricardo's antics. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Shalamar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1094
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #786 on: February 21, 2013, 10:00:57 AM »
I've kind of gotten the opposite from my parents.  They grew up in Great Britain, whereas I grew up in Canada.  Every so often, they'll say "Oh no, (obscure British actor from a 1960's sitcom) died!"  Then, when I say "Who?", they're all "You're kidding.  How can you not know who that is?"

AuntieA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 454
  • Anything but your basic traditional auntie
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #787 on: February 22, 2013, 06:56:18 PM »
BF is a CKIA at times, but in an oddly goofy way. Last week he made a roast, and when I asked why he was carving it with the grain, he said one should always do it that way, as you get more tender slices. I challenged him on that, and when I went home I printed out information from at least 8 sources online that clearly said roast beef should be cut against the grain.

The next time I was at his house he said, "I caught just a few seconds of a cooking show on TV, and they said roast should be carved against the grain." Then we checked his cookbooks together, and sure enough, they said the same thing. A few minutes later, he told me that he know I had called all the cookbook writers and cooking shows to make them say that. He always comes out with an outrageous (and joking) comment like this when he's proved wrong.

Every time we see someone being arrested on TV, he yells at the TV that they're not doing it right, you do so-and-so (eg when applying handcuffs). I lean over and calmly tell him , "It's TV, honey. You know - fiction."
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9650
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #788 on: February 22, 2013, 08:43:14 PM »
My mom's father (Pa-Pa to me) was like this - almost no topic was safe to discuss with him. Gas prices? Gotta find the cheapest, because the gas is 'fresher'. Food? All you can eat is the only kind of restaurant for him - if they make the plates, they cheat you and make their own lunch from what you should have been given. Weather? In his day....

I loved him, but NEVER talked about anything with him.

I think that is the saddest part of my relationship with DH. I can't ever talk about anything with him because he is a CKIA. Anything I might say, even just a passing statement of opinion is immediately refuted. I can't ever be right about anything and if I do persist to prove I'm right, he just drops the subject and refuses to continue the discussion.
Mine gets mad.  "Why do you always have to prove that you're right?"  Because you never believe me, DuH.

Hi, mom. I didn't know you were on EHell!

For me, it's the tone. That condescending, now-little-girl-let-me-do-the-thinking tone. My hackles rise.

I love you, dad. Really, I do. I just want to smack you occasionally.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2013, 08:46:39 PM by Winterlight »
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

PastryGoddess

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4506
    • My Image Portfolio and Store
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #789 on: February 23, 2013, 12:18:17 AM »
I got another one!

I was talking with a group of colleagues the other day, including a woman who is due any minute now. I asked her how she felt and she said something to the effect of "40 weeks is pretty uncomfortable!" A guy in the group, CKIA, immediately chimed in "40 weeks?!? You're 4 weeks over due?" Pregnant friend laughed and said that 40 weeks is the usual length of a pregnancy. CKIA proceeded to argue with her and the 2 other mothers standing there that pregnancy was only 36 weeks, their obstetricians must be lying to them.

Somebody googled it and showed the results to CKIA on their smartphone and he responds that somebody must have faked the data on the internet to cover up an affair. I walked away at that point because clearly 3 women, their obstetricians and the internet must all be wrong or lying adulterers.

By the way, CKIA is single and is always looking to be set up. Anybody want a date with an expert on women's reproductive systems and marriages?

I've encountered the opposite - people who insist that "pregnancy is actually TEN months not nine" as if they've cleverly worked out something we're all too stupid to understand... Except, of course, they're actually revealing their own ignorance.  1 month does not = 4 weeks.  The average month is approx. 4.33 weeks.  But they divide 40 by 4 and triumphantly insist that it's 10 months.  I gave up arguing that one.    I guess your CKIA was using the same logic e.g. 9 multiplied by 4 is only 36 weeks not 40.   ::)


This was me on this site a couple of months ago.  Even though I have never been pregnant and have 4 younger siblings and cousins for days.  I never realized that a 40 week pregnancy did not equal 10 months.  I simply assumed doctors and all of the billions of pregnant women were just rounding down. :P   A very nice ehellion explained it to me before I could open my mouth in real life :D
« Last Edit: February 23, 2013, 12:20:08 AM by PastryGoddess »

Slartibartfast

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11607
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #790 on: February 23, 2013, 02:04:09 AM »

This was me on this site a couple of months ago.  Even though I have never been pregnant and have 4 younger siblings and cousins for days.  I never realized that a 40 week pregnancy did not equal 10 months.  I simply assumed doctors and all of the billions of pregnant women were just rounding down. :P   A very nice ehellion explained it to me before I could open my mouth in real life :D

It can be confusing, especially since the count starts from two weeks before conception anyway  :P  It makes me wonder, actually - can pregnant women in states with personhood laws legally drive in the HOV lanes?  What about in Arizona, where a baby is legally a person two weeks before it's actually conceived - can women there drive in the HOV lane two weeks out of the month and argue that there are legally two people in the car?

(Not trying to be political, just a weird little legal quirk I've been wondering about ever since being pregnant with Bittybartfast and driving through some bigger cities!)

Carotte

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1079
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #791 on: February 23, 2013, 06:42:10 AM »
I had an English teacher who said "You are all too young to know what a charabang is, so I will tell you.
Actually I did know, as i had relatives as old or older than she was, who never spoke of a (motor) coach , but alwasy of a charabang, or a "Chara".  And I also knew that charabangs were originally large horse drawn vehicles. But I was a shy child, without the courage to tell her so. Better if she had said "Does anyone know what a charabang is? If you don't I'll tell you"

My mom still tells us about her Arabic language teacher in uni who told the class "well no one here could pronounce this next word" yet my mother could. It was true that someone who only spoke french couldn't since it's not a pronunciation we get in the language but my mother's native tongue is not french so she could easily. But the teacher seamed a bit put out to be proved wrong (even by an odd occurrence).

And not really a Know-it-all, mostly a You-don't-know-what-you-are-talking-about-so-I-won't-take-it-into-account with my parents, be it that the sink is leaking or that pet rats should not be alone in their cage they never trust me until someone else says the same thing.

twiggy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 778
  • wonder what this thing is
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #792 on: February 23, 2013, 06:54:32 AM »

This was me on this site a couple of months ago.  Even though I have never been pregnant and have 4 younger siblings and cousins for days.  I never realized that a 40 week pregnancy did not equal 10 months.  I simply assumed doctors and all of the billions of pregnant women were just rounding down. :P   A very nice ehellion explained it to me before I could open my mouth in real life :D

It can be confusing, especially since the count starts from two weeks before conception anyway  :P  It makes me wonder, actually - can pregnant women in states with personhood laws legally drive in the HOV lanes?  What about in Arizona, where a baby is legally a person two weeks before it's actually conceived - can women there drive in the HOV lane two weeks out of the month and argue that there are legally two people in the car?

(Not trying to be political, just a weird little legal quirk I've been wondering about ever since being pregnant with Bittybartfast and driving through some bigger cities!)

My knowledge is anecdotal, but from what I understand, the rule is that there have to be two or more people, taking up two or more seats.

**Found this**
http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/carpool.asp Looks like I was right :D
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

lilfox

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1783
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #793 on: February 23, 2013, 01:30:31 PM »
@Carotte, oh, it drives me crazy dealing with "you don't know what you're talking about" people.  DH is like that with me, not all the time so it still catches me off guard.  For example, we bought a small sailboat.  I'd taken sailing lessons for two summers on single and double crew boats just like this, while DH has been on a giant multiple crew boat once before.  But he assumes he knows more about sailing than me because ... Who knows.  So, when I tried to say something about running the lines without crossing them, he completely blew me off.  "Oh, that's not important." Well, til his dad said hmm, maybe we shouldn't cross the lines and suddenly it made sense to DH.  After a few instances like that, I openly asked his dad to repeat something I said so DH would believe it.

I have a coworker now who is like that to me but more often, and I hate always feeling on my guard around him since I never know what i say that he's going to tear down.  He does verge on CKIA territory since his approach is "my way is right!" rather than "your way is wrong!". But it's painful having any discussion with him knowing that if I have a suggestion or opinion, he'll jump all over it.  He does it to others too, of course.  I've noticed the only people who don't get that treatment are the ones who never have a different opinion (or aren't willing to voice one around him).  It's worse to find out that other people agree with me but didn't jump in if he starts trying to tear me down.

Softly Spoken

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 576
  • "I am a hawk on a cliff..."
Re: Captain Know-It-All stories
« Reply #794 on: February 23, 2013, 05:14:34 PM »
*snip*
And not really a Know-it-all, mostly a You-don't-know-what-you-are-talking-about-so-I-won't-take-it-into-account with my parents, be it that the sink is leaking or that pet rats should not be alone in their cage they never trust me until someone else says the same thing.

I have bald spots from the hunks of hair I've pulled out dealing with my Dad when it comes to this. When I get him an answer online for his dingitydang crossword puzzle I get heaps of thanks and "you are so smart." But he will arbirarily decide that his 80-some yrs on this earth trumps my ability to research and/or consult with actual professionals! We clashed seriously over the family dog. I made it my hill to die on when I realized that in his days growing up, dogs were just expendable pest control that was only good enough to sleep in the barn. Don't get me wrong, he loved the dog. Spoiled him horribly in fact. But he could not wrap his head around stuff like not giving him grapes, raisins, or chocolate what with it being POISONOUS to the dog!  >:( I showed him info the VET had printed out...and he still looked doubtful! Like if he couldn't understand it, it wasn't allowed to be reality!
The final straw was when the dog got into some rat poison my Dad left in the garage (in his defense, he was an idiot). Dear old Dad's solution? He poured Peptol Bismol into the dog's dish. :o :o >:( >:( And the kicker: the dog wouldn't touch it. Let me put that in perspective: when a dog that routinely eats his own poo, almost ate a piece of glass once, chews up pine cones if we don't take them away, eats rotten apples (and any bugs in said apples) if he can sneak them, and just ate rat poison won't touch something - then it's. not. for. dogs! I whisked my furry boy away from my crazy Dad and up to the sanity of the vets office. They induced vomiting and all was (eventually) well.

To this day I am sure Dad thinks I was overreacting. Because he grew up on a farm over 70 years ago and naturally he is an expert when it comes to animals dontchaknow. *SIGH*
"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."  ~Frank A. Clark